Agnes & Leona

Panic shopping has become a thing in recent weeks, but Agnes here had to be different. She's panic remodeling. With no experience, or knowledge, and questionable ability. She's got 4 more days to learn plumbing, hook up a gas stove, install cabinets & counter tops, tile... and maybe if there's time, paint. Leona thinks she's lost her damn mind. But hey- you do what you have to do in the times of plague. Also, we needed something to do now that Tiger King is over. We're blaming Carol Baskin... 

10 things you should NEVER do during a kitchen remodel (aside from let Agnes loose with a sledgehammer)

https://www.familyhandyman.com/kitchen/10-things-you-should-never-do-during-a-kitchen-renovation/

Black Mold Removal (The tiny bit of black mold they show here is cute)

https://www.hgtv.com/design/remodel/interior-remodel/how-to-remove-black-mold

#homeimprovement #DIY #construction #remodel #casita #contractor #shouldhavehiredaprofesional #blackmold #kitchenremodel #quarantineconfessions #lockdown #rona #respiratoryroulette #deadline #goals  #carolbaskin #tigerking #podcast #educatedguess #comedy #agnesandleona 

You know what's weird? EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. But, we're making the best of it, the only way we know how: bottle of wine and a microphone... with an appropriate six feet between us! This week we're talking about the old 'Rona, quarantine, and laughing a lot. Because a little laughter goes a long way. So tune in to listen about formal yoga wear, DIY construction, black mold, compulsive gym memberships (it's a thing), playing chopped in your pantry, and exactly how much toilet paper is enough. *warning- throwing out half a square at the end of a roll MAY be fatal to your relationship. 

We're also talking a lot about cooking... Leona made Ethiopian veggies, and Agnes is working on a new recipe called "WuHan Stir Fry". Because we're nothing if not diverse in our culinary creations. 

So stay safe out there, stay healthy, and be kind to your fellow humans because we are ALL in this together. And for the love of all things holy, STOP HOARDING. Oh, and also, #stayhome. Maybe listen to more podcasts... ;)

Quarantine Cooking:

Ethiopian Veggies: https://www.veganricha.com/atakilt-wat-ethiopian-cabbage-potato/

Zucchini Latkes: https://damndelicious.net/2014/04/02/zucchini-fritters/

#coronavirus #covid19 #rona #quarantine #quarantinecooking #blackmold #needacontrtactor #ubereats #comedy #workout #gymaddiction #rationing #toiletpaper #podcast #socialdistance #sparkle #agnesandleona 

It's the end of the world as we know it! And we feel fine... (Thank you, R.E.M.). So honestly, PUT THE TOLIET PAPER DOWN. We're all about being safe, practicing social distancing, and being considerate of our fellow citizens who may be higher risk than we are. But seriously, calm the fuck down. We didn't mean to talk about coronavirus and COVID-19, but it was inevitable. So we're diving in and disinfecting as we go. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, we have questions for you... like what the hell is "Solar Geo Engineering", and do you ever think that scene at the end of Men In Black where there is a whole universe in a locker is plausible (we do...). Also, Leona seems to think she's not a millennial. She totally is... Agnes knows this as fact from her Gen X perch. More on that in a future episode.

Tune in this week for what might be our last podcast... ya know, in case the ole 'Rona gets us. 

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers!

So how does the world end? Top ten theories from Vox: https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2018/10/18/17957162/nuclear-war-asteroid-volcano-science-climate-change

Agnes' "The Voice" audition idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo7HB-slsm4&feature=youtu.be

And just for fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSuc9o9h7Vw&feature=youtu.be

PS- go buy capers.

#COVID19 #Coronavirus #pandemic #Irritablebowelsyndrome #toiletpaperflex #panic #calmthefuckdown #weregoingtobeok #podcast #thevoice #NeilDeGrasseTyson #science #terminator #meninblack #outbreak #apocalypse #highanxiety #quarantine #chillout #virusvibes #thendoftheworldasweknowit #REM #mysherona #travelban #amazonautosubscribe #capers #AgnesandLeona #cheers 

We take humor pretty seriously. So much so that our nearest and dearest are often material/victims. AlsoThis week, we meant to explain why the hell we're podcasting at all, which somehow turned into talking about Agnes and her twisted pranks. If you've ever seen a life sized animatronic Santa Clause, can you imagine what kind of terror that can strike into the heart of someone arriving home after a long day and finding a darkened room with a red clad figure lurking in the shadows? Yep - makes us laugh too. Also, word of advice: don't give Agnes a key to your home. No one is safe. 

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers!

LINKS:

NY Times Article about the psychology of pranks- we promise we only prank those we love the most: https://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/01/health/01mind.html

Scary Santa (we're sorry for this one): https://bit.ly/2VXJ7e3 

Educated Guess Cabernet Sauvignon. It's a conversational wine. https://rootsrundeep.com/our-wines/

#pranks #scarysanta #dateline #homeinvasion #commitment #humor #comedy #scrubadubdub #twobitchesinatub #podcast #sacrasm #cheers #educatedguesswine #hobby #lowproduction #agenesandleona #bestfriends #weresorry 

So here we go again- it's funny how one trip to a third world country several years ago keeps rearing it's ugly head. This week, Agnes & Leona talk about an attempted vehicular homicide in the Philippines, and how it relates to a recent incident right here in a major metropolitan city of the ole US of A. The only fatality in this instance was the side view mirror of a Porche Cayenne, and maybe our faith in humanity. We hope you enjoy this week's death defying installment, that your insurance policies are paid up, and that you're feeling limber. You never really know when there's gonna be van bombing though a village hitting bicyclists along the way.

Seems relevant to mention what you SHOULD do if involved in an accident with a bike: https://www.active.com/cycling/articles/how-to-handle-a-bike-accident-with-a-vehicle

Also, we mention this hilarious bit from Dane Cook- it's worth a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDDtSstcMh8&feature=youtu.be

And lest we forget, the real hero of this story, the Honda Element. RIP Element, we hope Honda comes to their senses and brings you back one day: https://www.consumerreports.org/cars/honda/element/

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers! 

#hondaelement #porchecayenne #bikeaccident #hitandrun #philippines #playingintraffic #frogger #balme #perspective #bitchesbecrazy #lookwhatyoudidtomyvan #podcast #comedy #agnesandleona #bestfriends #mimosas #mondaymorningvibes

It is with heavy hearts that Anges & Leona record this week. Today we heard of the passing of literary pirate of our hearts, Mr. Clive Cussler. Clive Cussler was a New York Times best-selling author, and real life sea adventurer. We have a special love for dear Clive and his series of books "The Oregon Files", and to think that his last word has been written is a sad day indeed. In learning about Mr. Cussler's death, we learned about his incredible life, and his love of all things under the sea. His stories were often outrageous and improbable, and that much more entertaining as a result. 

Thank you, Clive. You will be missed. 

More about Clive Cussler: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/obituaries/clive-cussler-best-selling-adventure-writer-who-sought-real-life-thrills-dies-at-88/2020/02/26/1f1929fc-58d0-11ea-9000-f3cffee23036_story.html

Haven't listened to a Clive Cussler novel? We highly recommend it, particularly if it's read by Scott Brick (a voice-over genius if there ever was one): https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Clive+Cussler

#CliveCussler #OregonFiles #trampsteamer #plagueship #ScottBrick #audiobooks #obituary #death #adventure #author #NYTbestseller #storyteller #audible #shipwreck #titantic #SOS  #sunkenship #naviphobia #roadtrips #RIP #wesaluteyou #burialatsea #pouringa40forourhomie #cheers

We need professional help. And by "we", we mean EVERYONE. But mostly us, because who are we to tell anyone else how to live? Let's leave that nonsense to the life coaches of the world. Also, can you life coaches stop spamming our inboxes? If we want your help, we'll go play in traffic till you find us. Therapists however, (or, "The Rapists" as one of the greatest SNL moments ever once called them), can actually be really helpful. Seriously! For once, we're not being snarky. That being said, just because we're serious doesn't mean we're not laughing. This week Agnes has a story about her mother, a deaf therapist, and a telephone, and Leona struggles to negotiate with millennials. It all ends with more questions than answers and a standing appointment with a mental health professional, or an AA meeting. We haven't decided which road to take yet... is this why people need life coaches?!? 

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers!

Do you remember where you were when Sharon Stone showed her hoo-hah to the world? What about when Buffalo Bill lowered that basket of lotion? We're guessing you weren't with your Nana... and if you were, we have the number of a great therapist for you. Which brings us to the topic of cringe-worthy film moments, and what really makes something "racy". Dear Leona recently watched 50 Shades of Grey and is still waiting for the pay-off. Agnes read the book and can tell you there isn't one. Join us while we talk all things film in an Oscar worthy performance of Agnes & Leona. 

#statlerandwaldorf #film #moviereview #50shadesofgrey #basicinstinct #silenceofthelambs #it #horror #puthelotioninthebasket #erotica #flickingthebean #handcuffs #popcorn #familyfilms #sleepover #badparents #oscars #awardwinning #podcast #agnesandleona #comedy #bestfriends #darhumor #scrubadubdub #twobitchesinatub #grandma #nana #cheers #therapy

You know how to tell if someone loves you? They'll pop a pimple for you. You know how you tell if someone is absolutely OUT OF THEIR DAMN MIND? They watch hours of blackheads, cysts, and boils being lanced on youtube. Grossed out? Yeah, so are we. But, it turns out that those people who love picking at themselves and watching others do it too might be the ultimate survivors. (No really- Time Magazine says so: https://time.com/5459930/popping-pimples-videos/ ) You better believe that we're watching every second of that erupting glory on the ole inter-webs. Join us as we fly right off the rails and talk pimple popping.

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers!

"Shit's about to go DOWN"... did you need a sign for that?!? Yeah, neither did we. We also didn't need the one in the kitchen telling us to cook, eat, pray, OR love. Basically, the idea of instructions via signage in the home is pretty annoying. And somehow that took us down the ADD rabbit hole to tattoos. Obviously. We're sorry. Kinda. Not really... Pardon us while we go try to find a sign that explains what we do in an office with a microphone and a computer. 

Agnes & Leona is a podcast about absolutely nothing. Cheers.