Self-improvement can involve improving any aspect of the self—for example, personal qualities, skills, and even the roles we play (like husband or wife and son or daughter). When we start thinking about self-improvement, it can be helpful to be strategic about where we put our efforts so we don't waste time on the wrong things. Some aspects of ourselves are relatively changeable and some aspects are pretty fixed. So, we're best served by focusing our efforts on the parts of us that are the most changeable.

Now that I’m in my thirties I desperately wish I knew how to get people to understand that hating yourself, feeling ashamed, and dwelling on all your shortcomings is never, ever, ever going to fix you. You’re never going to hate yourself so hard that it turns you into a better or stronger or more productive person. You are never going to think enough self-hating thoughts to fuel your journey to improving whatever it is that you find so objectionable about yourself.

I can’t promise that being kind and patient with yourself will fix your problems - unfortunately it’s usually more complicated than that. But I can promise you that if being hard on yourself was ever going to work, it would’ve worked by now.

Self-improvement can involve improving any aspect of the self—for example, personal qualities, skills, and even the roles we play (like husband or wife and son or daughter). When we start thinking about self-improvement, it can be helpful to be strategic about where we put our efforts so we don't waste time on the wrong things. Some aspects of ourselves are relatively changeable and some aspects are pretty fixed. So, we're best served by focusing our efforts on the parts of us that are the most changeable.

Now that I’m in my thirties I desperately wish I knew how to get people to understand that hating yourself, feeling ashamed, and dwelling on all your shortcomings is never, ever, ever going to fix you. You’re never going to hate yourself so hard that it turns you into a better or stronger or more productive person. You are never going to think enough self-hating thoughts to fuel your journey to improving whatever it is that you find so objectionable about yourself.

I can’t promise that being kind and patient with yourself will fix your problems - unfortunately it’s usually more complicated than that. But I can promise you that if being hard on yourself was ever going to work, it would’ve worked by now.

Self-improvement can involve improving any aspect of the self—for example, personal qualities, skills, and even the roles we play (like husband or wife and son or daughter). When we start thinking about self-improvement, it can be helpful to be strategic about where we put our efforts so we don't waste time on the wrong things. Some aspects of ourselves are relatively changeable and some aspects are pretty fixed. So, we're best served by focusing our efforts on the parts of us that are the most changeable.