Preston paints Pottahawk pink. The Word Whore liberates Bula Bula Bada. Buttons performs ritualistic circumcision on Phil Foster's "Cuban Smokes" and - after riding a wave in the wake of an old Sedan - a busload of octogenarians guide Earl The Pearl through the Kama Sutra.

ZZ Top cancels Brazilian tour to save face. Toronto men renounce routine foot care. Just-a-Joe goes way "Over The Edge". Trapper's Better Half keeps his meat clean. Buttons just found a brand new box of matches and what he knows The Whore ain't had time to learn.

Buttons bends over backwards to pay his rent. The Whore gets wrapped up in wordy nudistism. A full year past all expectation, the ink finally dries on Kennah's "Final Draft". Inept call-screener, 88 Fingers Willy, fishes for pearls and farms out his lucky prostate.

Addiction lands The Whore an on-call Priest. Buttons gets taken out by a swinging boob. Batman isn't supposed to be beautiful, Mike Dominic gives his roommate some static, and Angry Phone Guy picks out just the right bag to go with his stain-resistant frock...for the Prom.

Buttons gets creamed. The Word Whore, delightfully wasted, plasters a big fat one on a local escort. Stunt Pig tells "Edna" where to go. The official AoMS hotline (305-76-SHOWS) finally gets a long overdue spring cleaning, though it really could have done with a proper douching.

The Whore's infectious new brand of lip-service might swell heads, but the bubble bursts when it comes to keeping anal stuff in its place. Still dripping from his last nasal deployment, Ryan Saunders knows bio-warfare's snot a laughing matter. Preston fights for the right to bleed. Escape Pod's Steve Eley confirms it ain't easy being green and fatherhood is forever.

The Word Whore gives 300 Spartans a good sound lickin', but cannot get Buttons to leak his boobie secrets. William Kelly whips out "The Family Jewels". Disco Lou makes sure The Whore's nipples are covered, while his 'friend' tidies things up in Man World.

Flagrant misuse leads to the removal of TWW's box. Stephen Eley's "Year of the Fox" continues to explore some very slippery slopes. A lifelong aversion to mathematics finally limits The Word Whore in bed. Buttons fears fatist slurs may effect T-shirt sales. First time call to Earl The Pearl sends large slobbering dogs howling.

Buttons punches himself in the face, as The Whore digs five years worth of sand from the grill. Shelly has big boobies. Lulu has a perfect package. Part one of "Year of the Fox" by The General - Escape Pod's Stephen Eley - reeks of humus. Angry Phone Guy isn't allowed to yell at us anymore.

Preston pulls out all the stops and finds it to be a bad idea. The Whore goes blind doing double phone duty. The ghost in the machines set the night on fire. "Conduit" by jethro6mil is electrifying.