Airport Minute Podcast

Royana was born and raised in New York and has been acting professionally since she was 10. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and pets. She is super excited that Jim included her in this podcast!

Royana’s Official Site

Royana’s IMDb Page

Gwen and Vern are in Gwen’s crash pad apartment. Gwen is explaining about why the stewardesses were collecting liquor and glassware — Gracie is getting married.

“We’re giving her a party,” says Gwen.

“If you could hijack a 707,” says Vern, “you could start your own airline.”

“We thought of that,” says Gwen, closing her suitcase, “but none of us have a pilot’s license.”

“Well, with the kind of fringe benefits you girls have to offer,” says Vern, wiping a dish, “I can get you a crew right now.”

Gwen, in the other room, smiles, then gets the same faraway look in her eye she had earlier. She seems ready to say something, but pauses and says nothing. Vern turns out the kitchen light as they get ready to leave for the airport.

The scene switches to a traffic jam on a snow covered road. Two police cars make their way through the breakdown lane.

Patroni is in the middle of the traffic jam. He pulls a cigar out of his mouth and talks on a mobile phone.

“Mel? Joe. I’m stuck in traffic. On Carlton Road, just East of Mannheim. A tractor-trailer jack knifed and flipped over, and now it’s laying on its side like a drunken dinosaur.”

Mel, in Tanya’s Trans Global office, is on Tanya’s office phone. “Joe,” says Mel, “I need Two-Niner awful bad. Now if you’re not  out in fifteen minutes, call me back and we’ll get the highway patrol to bring you in.” He hangs up. “What else can go wrong?” he says to Tanya. “I’d better get up and check the Snow Desk. I’ll be back in time for his call.” Tanya blocks the doorway.

“You’re not going anywhere,” says Tanya. “You’re exhausted. You’ve been rushing around for three days.”

“I’ve got to get up there!” says Mel.

In This Minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Royana was born and raised in New York and has been acting professionally since she was 10. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and pets. She is super excited that Jim included her in this podcast!

Royana’s Official Site

Royana’s IMDb Page

Summary

Vern  and Gwen are in Gwen’s crash pad apartment. Vern is explaining about check flights.

“Someone has to check you out every six months,” says Vern, “to make sure you don’t pick up any bad habits.” He attempts to tickle Gwen. Vern puts his hands around Gwen’s waist.

“Such as nuzzling stewardesses?” she asks.  Vern “steers” Gwen at the waist and says, “does he handle the controls too firmly?” He lets go and then makes piano-playing motions with his fingers down Gwen’s arms. “Or can he sort of coax them along with just his fingers?” Gwen shrugs off Vern’s hands and walks to the other side of her bedroom.

Vern walks towards her. “Look,” says Vern, “we still have time to-” Gwen puts an empty cup and saucer into his hands. “Go and wash it,” says Gwen.

Vern looks at the cup and saucer he’s holding, and says, “…and when he’s stacked up and can’t get clearance to land – how does he take it?” He looks at Gwen.

Gwen responds, “He controls his emotions, and says ‘better luck next time!'”  Vern walks to the kitchen to clean the dishes, mimicking Gwen’s “better luck next time!” phrase as he does so.

Vern walks into the tiny kitchen and makes a slight effort to clean the cup and saucer. Meanwhile, Gwen, in the other room has a faraway look as she ponders… something.

Vern opens a cabinet, and sees a virtual cornucopia of pilfered airline china and single-serve liquor. He whistles. “You and your roommates have enough china, glasses and booze for a round trip to Australia!”

“Oh, that’s not all our loot,” explains Gwen from the other room.”The girls in the building have been contributing. Gracie’s getting married.”

In This Minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Royana was born and raised in New York and has been acting professionally since she was 10. She now lives in Los Angeles with her husband and pets. She is super excited that Jim included her in this podcast!

Royana’s Official Site

Royana’s IMDb Page

Summary

Vern climbs into a Checker cab and heads out of the airport. While seated on the left side of the screen, he hums “O Sole Mio” while pondering stewardess Gwen Meighen, shown in a split screen on the right-hand side toweling off after a shower. The split screen resolves into a single screen of Vern locked in an embrace with Gwen. Gwen manages to break Vern’s bear hug and yell, “Vern! We just don’t have time!”

“But I have a cab waiting downstairs and we can make the airport in fifteen minutes,” says Vern. “The driver doesn’t mind waiting. His meter’s running, and so is mine.” Gwen is having none of it, though and explains she’s got to finish packing for the trip.

Vern complains, “You get me up to full throttle and throw me into reverse – – you could damage my engines!” Gwen explains they’re going to be in Rome tomorrow and they’ll have three days. “Try a little patience,” says Gwen.

“Or a cold shower,” replies Vern.

“Think about something else,” suggests Gwen, packing lacy lingerie into her suitcase.

“Oh, that I like!” exclaims Vern.

“Who is in the right-hand seat tonight?” asks Gwen, continuing to pack her suitcase.

“I am,” says Vern. Gwen pauses. “Demoted?” she asks.

“No,” explains Vern. “It’s a pilot check flight. I’m checking pilot Anson Harris.”

“But he’s been a captain for years,” says Gwen.

“Well, so have I,” says Vern, “but that doesn’t matter.”

In This Minute

Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest

Summary

Mel Bakersfeld and his sister Sarah Demerest are talking to each other as Sarah is parked in front of the entrance to the terminal.

“– with that overage juvenile delinquent, I’ll never know,” says Mel.

“There’s just the two of us,” replies Sarah, “If I left him, what would I have?”

“Would you have any more if he decided to leave you?” asks Mel. Sarah laughs in response.

“He won’t,” says Sarah. “The moment a girl gets too serious, he waves his wedding ring like a flag! I’m his disaster insurance.”

“More like group insurance,” says Mel.

Sarah smiles. “Thanks for caring, Mel. Don’t worry — someday he’ll come home for some other reason than just to change his clothes.”

Mel nods. “Well, I hope so.” Then his pager buzzes. Mel glances at his pager and says, “That’s for me. Goodbye, dear.” He leans in and kisses Sarah goodbye.

Mel walks over to a white courtesy phone to answer the page as Sarah slides over to the driver’s seat of her car. Sarah starts her car and drives away from the terminal entrance.

Meanwhile, Vern walks briskly out of the terminal (from another entrance) to a Checker cab parked at curbside.

In This Minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Summary

Mel and Vern are standing on opposite sides of Vern’s car, parked in front of the entrance to the terminal.

“Two-Niner’s closed,” says Mel. “A pilot from your Flight Forty Five made a shortcut across the field, … and he didn’t make it.”

“Well, what are you doing about it?” asks Vern.

“Well, when the snow melts in April, we’ll get it out,” says Mel, then shouts, “What the hell do you think I’m doing about it?”

Sarah leans out the passenger window and scolds, “Now stop that, both of you!”

“Yeah, you’re right,” agrees Vern. “It’s a waste of time arguing with a penguin.” He leans down and kisses his wife goodbye.

“What would you have me bring you back from Rome?” he asks.

“Just yourself,” says Sarah. “Oh, maybe if you have the time, I could use a pair of white gloves.”

“Size… six and a half, right?” asks Vern, tentatively.

Sarah smiles. “No, I’m the one who wears a size seven and a half.” They kiss again.

Vern walks past an old woman carrying several suitcases. He looks at Mel and says, “Hey, now that’s a good idea, Mel! Using little old ladies for skycaps.  You keep that up — you’re doing a good job!”  Vern walks off to the terminal entry doors. Mel stares after him as he leaves.

“Mel,” says Sarah, “for my sake – – be patient with him.”

Bakersfeld shakes his head. “How you can live…”

In This Minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Summary

Mel and Vern are standing on opposite sides of Vern’s car, parked in front of the entrance to the terminal.

“Besides everything else, now you’re an authority on snow clearance?” asks Mel.

“I call ’em as I see ’em,” replies Vern, opening the trunk of his car.

“Then you’re due for an eye check,” says Mel, following Vern to the rear of the car. “For your information, clearing those runways is the equivalent of seven hundred miles of two-lane highway.”

Vern shakes his head as he removes his luggage from the trunk. “Well, what do you know? And I bet you measured every little foot of it all by yourself.”

“We’ve also had ten inches of snow in the last twenty-four hours,” says Mel.

Vern replies, “Anchorage had twice that, and they’re clean.”

“They’ve got twice the equipment,” says Mel, his voice rising.

Vern replies, “Well, then get some more!”

“This isn’t Alaska,” says Mel. “You don’t spend two million dollars on machinery you might use once in ten years. You buy for the average snowfall, and when an emergency hits, you use what you have, and work around the clock.”

Vern shakes his head again. “Sitting behind that desk made you think like a bookkeeper.”

“I didn’t always fly a desk!” says Mel.

Vern leans in and says, “Well, alright Daddy – – you tell me all about when you were a war hero. You flew those pursuit jobs you could land in a parking lot. When I’m setting down over two hundred thousand pounds of 707, I want something under my wheels that’s mighty long, and mighty dry.”

“It’ll be dry tonight,” replies Mel, “but not too long.”

In This Minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Summary

“Close down Runway Twenty-Two!” chant the sign-waving protesters at the streetside entrance to Lincoln International.

Mel and Commissioner Ackerman survey the scene. “They’ll break it up and go home… after the TV cameras get a few shots.” Ackerman pales. “TV?” he says.

“A lawyer they hired yesterday arranged for news coverage,” explains Bakersfeld. Ackerman says he needs to tell the other board members about the situation. The commissioner says that the two of them should meet in the board room later to discuss how to calm the protesters.

Just then, a woman in an snow-covered Oldsmobile calls out. “Mel!”

“Hi sis,” says Mel, as he walks to the car. It’s Sarah Demerest, wife of the pilot Vernon Demerest who wrote the disparaging snow clearance report.

“I thought Vern was on Flight Two tonight,” says Mel, looking at his watch. Sarah explains that, with the weather and the traffic, Vern wanted to head over to the airport early, but they managed to sail right through the traffic.

Vern steps out of the car, looks at the protesters, and then back at Mel. “First I thought they were pilots picketing you. I was all set to join them.”

“I heard about your report,” says Vern.

In This Minute

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Summary:

Joe Patroni tells Mel to give everyone a shovel and start digging a 10° incline in front of the wheels. Patroni, over and out.

Marie is disappointed. “Do you have to go to work on a night like this?” Joe responds, “They don’t call ’em emergencies anymore. They call ’em Patronies.” Joe promises Marie he’ll be back in time “if I have to pull that plane out with my teeth!”

Mel and Tanya head back to the terminal. “What’s this thing you’ve found out about?” asks Mel.

Tanya replies, “Your brother-in-law was on the Snow Clearance Committee today. My boss got a copy of the report.” Mel says he can already guess what was in the report.  The airport, meaning Mel,  “has been inefficient snow clearance,…”

“Grossly inefficient in snow clearance,” corrects Tanya.

“…causing flight delays, loss of revenue to all airlines, et cetera, et cetera,” Mel grumbles.

“Signed, Captain Vernon Demerest, Chairman,” finishes Tanya. “How can he write such a thing?”

“Because he’s a no-good, miserable louse who can’t pass up the opportunity to knife me,” replies Mel. Bakersfeld is interrupted by a radio call from Danny at the Snow Desk. Commissioner Ackerman wants Mel to meet him at the street side of the terminal. “Trouble,” says Danny.  Mel responds, “I’m on my way.”

In This Minute:

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Summary:

Bakersfeld returns to the MelMobile, takes the microphone, and says “Yes, Danny.” Danny, at the Snow Desk, reports that he’s calling Patroni and that Mel should stand by on his mobile phone. Mel shuts the MelMobile door, picks up the ringing phone, and talks to Patroni on a split-screen. Joe Patroni tells Mel to save his breath – – Joe isn’t available tonight. Mel tells Joe he’s got “fourteen on the ground and eighteen stacked upstairs.” Joe replies that he’s got his five kids stacked away at his mother’s house so that he and Marie could spend time alone, together. Mel asks Joe to give Marie his apologies, but he needs Runway Two-Niner badly. Joe asks if the Global crew could handle it. Mel replies that he needs someone who knows what to do — a “genius, like Patroni!” Joe tells Mel, “Hold the whipped cream, I’ve just had dessert. ” Joe ponders for a moment, then tells Mel, “Alright, I’ll be there.” He also tells Mel to give everyone a shovel and start digging a 10° incline in front of the wheels.

In This Minute:

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld

Brian Fies is a writer and cartoonist who created the award-winning graphic novels Mom’s Cancer and Whatever Happened to the World of Tomorrow, as well as the Eisner Award-nominated webcomic The Last Mechanical Monster. He’s been a newspaper reporter, environmental chemist, science writer, husband, and dad to twin girls. He also saw “Airport” in a theater during its first run. He lives in California.

Brian Fies is a writer and cartoonist who created the award-winning graphic novels Mom’s Cancer and Whatever Happened to the World of Tomorrow, as well as the Eisner Award-nominated webcomic The Last Mechanical Monster. He’s been a newspaper reporter, environmental chemist, science writer, husband, and dad to twin girls. He also saw “Airport” in a theater during its first run. He lives in California.

Summary:

The MelMobile arrives at Taxiway Echo, next to the stuck Trans Global Flight 45. Tanya helps passengers get on the nice, warm bus. TGA’s mechanic, Jack Ingram, explains to Mel about how they’ll be able to use pneumatic bags to lift the wings — tomorrow. Mel wants the runway cleared tonight.  “Tonight?” asks Jack. Mel asks Jack if it would be okay to bring in Joe Patroni — if Mel can con TWA into borrowing Joe’s expertise. Jack has no objections. “Joe can have all the tries he wants.” Then comes an important call: “SNOW DESK!”

In This Minute:

Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfeld