Lyrics: “Bad Little Yid”

By Al Johnson

Intro:

Historically there were times in which the weak could boss around the powerful. Priests and nuns would hold obscene rituals in their churches. Serious people were required to get drunk and throw bags of flour on each other's heads. Humor wasn’t just left to just those who felt so inclined, it was a kind of duty.

Verse 1:

Shul, Musaf, Tzitzis, Talis, Kittle, Shtreimel, gmar chatima tova.

Spit a bracha. Yasher Koach. Daven Hallel.

Not another extra piece of dam tefillah!

Man fuck a Gabbai! I’m the top guy!

Chorus:

Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy….

Verse 2:

Shul is hours, there’s no Kiddish.

I’m starvin’ and all I hear is Yiddish.

I’m gonna pass out so I sit down in my chair, even though the Aron’s open and the Torah is bare. I put my face in my hands and I pray to Hashem.

Sorry about that bacon cheeseburger and the premarital sex. Sorry about drivin’ on Shabbas and skipping Shacharis. Sorry about talking after washing’ but before motzi was said. Sorry about cursing during Musaf and lifting that Kippah off my head. Sorry about not wearing Tefillin. Sorry about not wearing Tztitzis. Sorry about not wearing any clothes and streaking through shul while high on LSD. Sorry about that time I took a shit in the Aron Kodesh and smeared it all over the Torah and told everyone it wasn’t me. It was me, I’m the guilty party, so sorry God if I offended you. I was only trying to make a joke, I hope you understand. I’m a delinquent, please offer me a hand.

Chorus:

Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy….

Verse 3:

Uh, yellowing Tzitzis, pissed stained Talesim, body odor’s ripe, I can’t stand to face ‘em. They sway and they bow and they breath and they yell, all that smell I can tell, they aint bathed cause they reek and they stink and it’s hot and I’m going to pop cause I’m bored and the Sox are playing in the Bronx. But I can’t watch the game, cause I’m stuck in this shul in a crowd of gross men as they sweat and they sway and they sing oy yoy yoy.

Who do you think you are bitch?! You think you know how it’s done?!

Well God’s not a fairy, God’s not the one, who cares who you marry, who cares who you conn. The truth is complex, not a man in the sky. Hashem is the universe, the energy, that’s why. It’s about more than kashrus and driving on Shabbas. It’s love for your neighbor and helping the poor. Making society stronger and preventing a war. So repent for your sins, and make your amends, and get off your ass, and help out your friends.

Chorus:

Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy….

Lyrics: “Nurse Practish”

By Al Johnson

Verse:

Papers strewn out on my desk.

L4 patient up on deck.

Chart review, I need some specs.

Checking vitals, counting breaths.

Writing notes, refill Rx.

Diagnosing, making recs.

All these tasks makin’ me stressed.

Don’t forget, to take deep breaths.

Chorus:

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Verse:

I defied the odds as far as demographics go.

I’m a male, a jew, a nurse, a straight, white, dumb, weirdo.

Said it once, said it twice, said it all my life.

Encoded in society, the messages are rife.

There are proper jobs that a nice Jewish boy should be.

A CPA and CEO or maybe an MD.

Not a nurse cause that’s for girls! And guys that suck and curse!

Why you not a doctor? That question is the worst!

These messages make me feel, second rate, not ideal.

Wait hold on. Fuck all that shit. Results are in, my work is real!

Chorus:

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Verse:

Here we are and here we stand and here’s more honest feelings.

The last decade I’ve learned about improving folks well-being.

As I reflect on my life’s work and that of those around me.

At least my job is useful. Helping others makes me happy.

Final Chorus:

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Ima nurse practish, Ima, Ima, nurse practich bish

Ima nurse practish. Ima nurse practich. And a jazz mucish.

I produced this album between August 2022 and January 2023. Many of the ideas were developed over the last 2-3 years.

I play all instruments and vocals. The music is a combination of real instruments, synthesizers and samples. I used Garage Band on my 2012 macbook air and my iPhone 8 Microphone.

Because you Survived:

All four of my grandparents survived the Holocaust. 75 years later, the Trauma still looms large in my family. A classic family talking point is:: “Zaide (Eugene) was lucky to only be in prison during the war”. No one actually knows what happened inside those prison walls, he never spoke about it.

As far back as I can remember, I have been preparing to survive concentration camps/prison (in my head), imagining myself in my grandparents’ shoes (probably didn’t have shoes). Being enslaved is not exactly a hypothetical for me. It’s in my blood.

I have a number of chronic health issues that might be connected to the chronic stress of unresolved trauma.

It’s my job to process the trauma so as not to pass down undue burden, pain and stress to the next generation.

Track Eleven_ADHD:

This song is about ADHD. I hate crowds and events. I never know what to say to people. I hate small talk. I’d rather just express myself through music. Many times I feel like I am on Track 11 while everyone else around me is on Track 3.

Donna Lee, by Charlie Parker

Giant Steps, by John Coltrane

Saxophone has a special place in my heart and soul. It was my first real instrument. I wanted to share my ok, not great, playing, and honor these two heroes: Bird and Trane. I have been listening to their recordings since I was a kid. These two artists significantly shaped my musical identity. Thank you to my parents for introducing them to me at a young age and encouraging me to play music.

Nurse Practish:

This song is self explanatory. I am a nurse practish. I work full time. I see 60-70 patients a week. I would like to say it's always rewarding and fulfilling, but often it's stressful and overwhelming. But hey, I shouldn't complain right? It's a secure job that pays well.

Bad Little Yid:

My childhood consisted of many long days spent in Synagogue, aka Shul, waiting for it to end. I know some of you will get offended by this and for that I say a hearty “I apologize”. Just know that none of the events took place in real life. Rap style Influenced by Eminem. The chorus is a classic Jewish tune sung during the Priests' Blessings (Birchat Kohanim) on high holidays.

Boundaries:

I am just not that religious. Get over it. Neither were 3 out of my 4 grandparents, which makes me feel a little less guilty about it. But now to worry, I still feel plenty guilty about it. But as I mentioned earlier, I encourage you to get over it.

Alexander:

A fun one. A little about me and my family. I thought it would be fun to make it sound like I was draining 3s during the intro.

Samples used: Biggie’s “Gimme the Loot” and Lin Manuel Miranda’s “Alexander Hamilton”.

Episode 10: Bret, Julia, Ben by Al Hoffman

Episode 9ish: Eitan, Yoni and Julie Battle Royal by Al Hoffman

The wackiest crew on TV heads to Reno Nevada to compete in a pie eating contest, while there we recorded this show on a Google Hangout.

1) Pretend you're on Iron Chef and Secret Ingredient is String Cheese

2) Category: Bones

3) Impressions

4) How to find out what someone does for work