Alissa's Awake

In this powerful episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, I sit down with Rose, a former Jehovah’s Witness who dedicated her life to serving the organization. From regular pioneering and volunteering on Bethel construction projects to supporting Kingdom Hall builds and congregation activities, Rose was fully committed to what she believed was “the truth.”

But behind her devotion and smiling face, Rose was silently enduring years of domestic abuse, manipulation, and control within her marriage.

When she finally turned to Jehovah’s Witness elders for help, the response left her feeling even more isolated. Despite everything she was experiencing, Rose continued to believe that remaining faithful, being a submissive wife, and trusting Jehovah would eventually make things better.

Rose’s story raises important questions about how the Jehovah’s Witness organization handles domestic violence, the expectations placed on women, and what happens when victims speak out.

Most importantly, her story is one of survival, courage, healing, and finding freedom after leaving a high-control religion.

If you are a current or former Jehovah’s Witness, an abuse survivor, or someone questioning the teachings of the Watchtower organization, I hope this conversation reminds you that you are not alone.

❤️ Thank you to Rose for trusting me with her story and for speaking out so others may feel less alone.

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes discussions of domestic violence, abuse, coercive control, and suicide. Please take care while watching.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence in the United States, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, I sit down with Deanna, a former Jehovah’s Witness who was baptized at just 10 years old, graduated high school early to begin regular pioneering at 16, and spent six years dedicating her life to the organization.

Deanna wasn't someone who struggled to follow the rules. She genuinely believed she was serving Jehovah and doing everything expected of her. From pioneering and attending a foreign language congregation to participating in international conventions, she was fully committed to the Jehovah’s Witness faith.

But when the COVID-19 pandemic brought her busy spiritual routine to a halt, she finally had time to think, research, and ask questions about Watchtower teachings.

What started as personal Bible study quickly became a journey of questioning everything she had been taught.

When Deanna approached the elders with her concerns, hoping for honest, Bible based answers, she was instead accused of entertaining apostate arguments. One elder even warned her that Satan would chew her up and spit her out.

Ultimately, Deanna made the difficult decision to disassociate from Jehovah’s Witnesses. Almost overnight, the people she had known and loved for years began shunning her, including members of her own family.

Deanna’s story highlights an important reality: Leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses isn't always about wanting to live differently. Sometimes, it's simply about wanting honest answers.

In this episode of Alissa’s Awake, Sarah shares her story of growing up in a Jehovah’s Witness household marked by abuse, fear, instability, and silence.

Sarah opens up about what life was like behind closed doors, the role Jehovah’s Witness elders played when her family sought help, and the painful realization that the congregation she had been taught was a place of safety wasn't able to protect her family.

She also shares her experience with disfellowshipping, an abusive marriage, becoming a mother, questioning Jehovah’s Witness teachings, and eventually finding the courage to leave and rebuild her life.

But this story is about more than what Sarah survived. It’s about finding your voice after spending years believing you weren't allowed to have one.

Today, Sarah is using that voice to speak openly about her experiences and to remind others that they deserve to be heard.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, Gina shares her story of surviving childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, and eventually confronting her alleged abuser in front of Jehovah’s Witness elders. She describes what happened when she spoke up, the response she says she received from the elders, and how the man she accused was later privately reproved and returned to congregation responsibilities.

Gina also opens up about growing up as an elder’s daughter, being baptized at only nine years old, experiencing homelessness while still a Jehovah’s Witness, struggling with her mental health, and eventually beginning the difficult process of questioning and leaving the organization.

This conversation contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, suicidal ideation, and other potentially distressing subjects. Please take care while watching.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, Crystal shares her powerful ExJW story of growing up in the Jehovah’s Witness organization, being pressured into baptism at 17, experiencing disfellowshipping and shunning just for questioning, navigating a controlling marriage, and eventually realizing she could no longer live a life that wasn’t authentic to who she was.

Crystal opens up about growing up surrounded by fear and control, feeling like she could never measure up, being discouraged from pursuing the life and education she wanted, and experiencing the devastating isolation that can come with leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses. She also shares the painful impact her exit had on her family and children and what it took to rebuild her life outside the organization.
But Crystal’s story is also one of resilience. After leaving, she pursued an education, built a successful career, created a life on her own terms, and discovered just how much was possible outside the world she had once been taught to fear.

If you are a Jehovah’s Witness questioning your faith, a former Jehovah’s Witness rebuilding after leaving, or someone trying to understand the experiences of ExJWs, I hope Crystal’s story reminds you just how powerful it can be to hear from someone who has walked this road before.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, Diana shares her powerful story of growing up as a born in Jehovah’s Witness, realizing from a young age that she was attracted to girls, and trying to suppress that part of herself while living under the teachings and expectations of the organization.

Diana talks openly about the pressure she experienced as a young Jehovah’s Witness, the fear surrounding homosexuality in the organization, homeschooling and isolation, baptism at just 11 years old, and the struggle of feeling like she could never be “spiritual enough.”

Eventually, Diana reached a point where she could no longer hide who she was. At 19, she came out to her family and made the decision to leave Jehovah’s Witnesses so she could live authentically and pursue the woman she loved. She was ultimately given a month to leave home and face life outside the organization.

But this isn't just a story about what she lost.
It's a story about what she found.

If you're young, scared, questioning, or wondering whether there is a life for you outside of the organization, I hope Diana's story reminds you that you are not alone, you are not broken, and there can be a life waiting for you outside of the fear.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, I sit down with Jessie to hear her story of growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, leaving the organization at just 17 years old, and discovering that walking away physically was only the beginning of her journey.

Jessie shares what it was like growing up with intense fear surrounding Satan, demons, Armageddon, sin, and feeling inherently unworthy. She also opens up about the pressure placed on girls and women within the Jehovah’s Witness organization, learning to distrust her own intuition, and the impact that religious conditioning had on her identity.

One of the biggest turning points in Jessie’s awakening came through a friendship she formed in high school with someone who was coming out as gay. Seeing the kindness and humanity of someone she had been taught could not fit into her understanding of God forced her to question everything she had been taught about love, God, and salvation.

After leaving, Jessie threw herself into academia and built a completely new life. But years later, she began recognizing how much religious trauma from her childhood was still affecting her. She shares openly about perfectionism, unhealthy coping mechanisms, spirituality, and what it has looked like to finally begin healing decades after leaving.

In this episode of ExJW Women Speak Out, Christina shares what it was really like growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness in Brooklyn, surrounded by the influence of Jehovah’s Witnesses Bethel. She opens up about being abused as a child, the congregation and elders being aware of what was happening, and the pressure she experienced to maintain the image of a “perfect” Witness family.

At just 14 years old, Christina was pressured into baptism and expected to make what she describes as an adult, lifelong commitment. As she grew older, she began questioning the organization, its teachings, and the way Jehovah’s Witnesses handled serious issues, including child abuse.

Eventually, Christina was disfellowshipped after refusing to continue living according to the organization’s expectations. What followed was devastating: rejection from her family, being treated differently inside her own home, and ultimately finding herself seeking help at a women’s shelter.

In this episode of Ex-Jehovah’s Witness Women Speak Out, I sit down with Leslie as she shares her story of growing up Jehovah’s Witness and living under strict religious rules that shaped nearly every part of her childhood and adult life.

Leslie was raised in a Jehovah’s Witness family where friendships, dating, education, entertainment, clothing, and even the people she was allowed to associate with were heavily restricted. She wasn’t allowed to attend traditional middle or high school, was discouraged from pursuing the things she loved, and became a regular pioneer at just 13 years old..

One of the most powerful parts of Leslie’s story is what happened when she was struggling with her mental health. After receiving treatment, she was called to meet with the elders, who focused on her association with a non-Jehovah’s Witness rather than her mental health and wellbeing.

Leslie’s story is a powerful reminder that leaving a high control religion isn't simply about changing your beliefs. For many former Jehovah’s Witnesses, it means learning how to make your own decisions, build relationships, pursue an education or career, and finally experience the freedom you were denied growing up.

In this conversation, I sit down with Grace to talk about growing up deeply religious, navigating Christian purity culture, questioning the beliefs she was raised with, and ultimately learning to trust herself again.

Grace grew up in Christian communities and later spent years involved in missions work and ministry environments. As she got older, she began questioning the expectations, leadership structures, and beliefs she had once accepted without question.

Her journey eventually led her to deconstruct her faith and step away from organized religion while still maintaining a sense of spirituality.

We also talk about Grace's short film The Country They Call Life, which explores a woman's struggle between her religious upbringing and a pregnancy decision. The film was inspired in part by Grace's own lived experiences and was created to encourage empathy and conversation rather than further divide people.

If you've ever questioned your faith, struggled with religious expectations, experienced purity culture, or wondered whether the voice in your head is your intuition or years of religious programming, I think you'll really connect with this conversation.

Thank you for giving these women and guests a space to tell their stories. ❤️
If you enjoyed this conversation, please like, subscribe, and leave a comment letting Grace know what part of her story resonated with you.

👇 CONNECT WITH GRACE / THE COUNTRY THEY CALL LIFEWebsites:
www.Thecountrytheycalllife.com
www.Gracesims.com