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The Story I’m Telling Myself About You
Have you ever caught yourself making up stories about what someone you love is thinking or feeling, without ever asking them? We all do it. When someone we care about is quiet, distant, or does something we don’t understand, our minds automatically start filling in the blanks. We imagine what might be going on, sometimes assuming the worst. But these stories we tell ourselves can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional distance.
What if, instead of guessing or assuming, we shared these stories with the person we love? Imagine saying, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you right now,” and using that phrase to start a real, honest conversation. This simple sentence has the power to stop assumptions in their tracks and bring us closer to the people we care about by helping us get on the same page. It’s a great way to break the cycle of misunderstanding, build trust, and foster deeper connections.
Owning Your Own Narrative
Before you ever have this conversation with someone you love, it’s important to first have it with yourself. The phrase “This is the story I’m telling myself” encourages self-awareness. It helps you acknowledge that you’re responsible for the stories you tell yourself and that these stories are just one interpretation of reality. Often, when we feel hurt or frustrated, it’s easy to blame the other person for what we think is happening. But by owning your own narrative, you take a moment to reflect and realize that the story may be shaped by your own feelings or insecurities, not by what the other person is actually doing.
This shift is important because it moves the focus away from blaming someone else and puts it on understanding your own internal process. It encourages you to pause, recognize that the way you’re interpreting the situation may not be the full truth, and approach the conversation with a mindset of curiosity rather than accusation. By owning your story first, you open the door to a more honest, understanding dialogue that allows both of you to connect more deeply.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
In our relationships with family, friends, or anyone we care about, it’s easy to create stories in our heads when we don’t know all the facts. When someone’s behavior or words are unclear, we might start making up explanations that are influenced by our own worries or past experiences. For example, if someone you love is unusually quiet, you might think, “They’re upset with me,” when in reality, they might just be tired or distracted.
These stories are often just guesses, but they can feel real to us. Without checking if they’re true, we act on these assumptions. Using the phrase, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you,” allows us to stop and share our feelings in a way that invites understanding. It’s a way of saying, “This is what I’m thinking, but I might be wrong—can you help me understand?” This gives the other person a chance to explain, and you both have the opportunity to clear things up before misunderstandings take root.
The Impact of Assumptions
When we act on these assumptions without checking if they’re true, it can lead to real problems. You might end up feeling hurt, misunderstood, or even angry about something that wasn’t happening at all. These misunderstandings, left unchecked, can grow, causing emotional distance and making it harder to connect with the people we love.
A lot of times, the stories we tell ourselves come from our own insecurities or fears. If we’ve been hurt in the past, we might assume the worst, even when it isn’t happening. Without addressing these feelings, they can create unnecessary tension in our relationships. If we don’t talk about what’s really going on, we risk building walls that keep us from understanding each other.
How to Break the Habit of Assuming
The phrase “This is the story I’m telling myself about you” can help break this habit of making assumptions. It allows us to pause and think about what we’re really feeling before reacting. Instead of assuming we know what the other person is thinking, we share our thoughts and feelings openly, creating room for a real conversation.
This phrase works because it invites both people to share their perspectives. It encourages us to ask questions and be curious, rather than jumping to conclusions. Instead of reacting based on a story we’ve created in our minds, we can check in with the other person and get to the truth. When we’re curious rather than assuming, we’re more likely to understand each other and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Building Closer Connections
Using this phrase also takes a bit of courage. It means admitting that we don’t have all the answers, and that can feel vulnerable. But that vulnerability can lead to deeper trust and stronger connections. When we’re open and honest about how we feel, it makes the people we love feel safe to do the same.
It’s easy to react out of fear or frustration when we’re unsure about something. But instead of reacting, we can pause and ask, “Is this really true? Or is this just the story I’m telling myself?” By choosing to be curious and checking in with someone you love, you avoid unnecessary arguments and build stronger, healthier relationships. Being honest about your thoughts and inviting clarity fosters understanding and emotional closeness.
How You Can Start Today
If you notice that you’re starting to make up stories in your head about someone you love, try using this phrase to check in with yourself first and then with them. Instead of jumping to conclusions, take a moment to reflect on what you’re feeling. Share it with them using, “This is the story I’m telling myself about you right now,” and see how it opens the door to an honest conversation.
When we stop assuming and start asking for clarity, we build trust and get closer to the people we care about. These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but they can help us grow and strengthen our relationships. The next time you feel unsure, try using this phrase to break the habit of making assumptions, and watch how it transforms your connection with those you love.
Scripture to Reflect On:
- Philippians 4:8 – "Think about things that are true, noble, and worthy of praise."
- Romans 12:2 – "Let your mind be transformed so you can know God’s will."
- Proverbs 4:23 – "Guard your heart, because everything you do flows from it."
- Psalm 19:14 – "Let the words I speak and the thoughts in my heart be pleasing to you, God."
By using this simple communication tool, you can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your relationships with the people you love. Building trust and fostering open conversations with those around you will create more meaningful and connected relationships.
