AllPaths Podcast

This episode of the AllPaths podcast features a conversation with Alexis Eyler, the Executive Director of On Your Feet Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting birth parents post-placement. On Your Feet Foundation, founded in 2001, addresses the historical lack of post-placement services for birth parents, recognizing that open adoption, considered best practice since the 90s, highlighted a significant unmet need. The organization started with small "gap grants" and peer-led retreats, but now provides a comprehensive suite of services, including support groups, drop-in calls, a mentorship program, holiday assistance for children parented and placed, and enhanced mental health support for birth parents, including a soon-to-be-launched Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD) Assessment Tool specifically for birth parents and group practice to provide direct, sustainable counseling and therapeutic services with adoption-competent therapists.

The foundational belief of On Your Feet Foundation’s work is that by empowering and supporting birth parents, there is a positive "ripple effect" that ultimately improves outcomes for the entire adoption constellation. And while the organization's primary focus is providing crucial post-placement support for birth parents, Alexis shares about the specific resources they’ve developed for adoptive parents and those hoping to adopt. A key initiative is their "Activism in Adoption" program, which offers adoptee and birth parent-centered adoption education. This program provides an invaluable space for prospective adoptive parents and adoptive families to learn from the lived experiences of those most impacted by adoption, going beyond traditional education to foster a deeper understanding of race, relationships, and resilience within the adoption constellation.

LINKS:

For prospective adoptive parents, here is the direct link to the blog post Alexis talks about in her episode: Ethics in Adoption: 10 Questions about Birthparents that Prospective Adoptive Parents Should Ask When Vetting Agencies

Connect with On Your Feet Foundation and Activism in Adoption: 

• Websites: https://onyourfeetfoundation.org/ and  https://www.activisminadoption.org/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onyourfeetfoundation and https://www.facebook.com/ActivismInAdoption
• Instagram: @OnYourFeetFoundation and @ActivisminAdoption
• Twitter/X: @Here4Birthmoms
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/10148868/admin/dashboard/

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Birth parent support, Illinois, US, Canada, post-placement services for birth parents, parenting resources, adopted people, adoptive families, Activism in Adoption, adoption education, adoptee and birth parent centered adoption education, hopeful adoptive parents, adoption constellation, Mammha, PMADs, mental health grants, family building, adoption support, birth parent resources, postpartum mood disorders, adoption education, emotional support for birth parents, open adoption, peer support groups, adoption agency questions, navigating adoption, mental health for birth parents, parenting after adoption, nonprofit family support, adoption advocacy, birth parent rights, therapeutic services for birth parents, virtual support groups, family building stories, adoption constellation, community resources for parents

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!

This episode of the podcast features Heather Smidt, owner of Wander Well Acupuncture in Lexington, MA and longtime AllPaths community member. Heather shares her family building journey, which included a late diagnosis of endometriosis, multiple losses, and the joy of her "rainbow baby" son, conceived during acupuncture school. She candidly shares the struggles of self-advocacy and feeling unheard by medical providers, contrasting her first, lonely journey with her secondary infertility experience, which was supported by the AllPaths community. 

Heather’s personal journey intertwines with her professional one, when her own experiences with decreased period pain after acupuncture led to her becoming a licensed acupuncturist, massage therapist, and reiki practitioner specializing in fertility. From helping to manage inflammation and treatment side effects to reducing stress and having a positive impact on emotional health, Heather shares how fertility acupuncture can complement traditional medical treatments and address the physical and emotional aspects of a family building journey. Throughout the conversation, Heather emphasizes that the fertility process is constantly clouded by "what ifs" and that whatever tools someone uses should be about making them feel better about their journey regardless of the outcome, rather than adding to their stress or self-blame.

LINKS:

Connect with Heather at https://wanderwellacupuncture.com/ or on Instagram @wanderwellacu.

For help finding a fertility acupuncturist near you, visit the AllPaths Professional Directory at https://allpathsfb.org/professional-directory/ or The Acupuncture and TCM Board of Reproductive Medicine website at https://aborm.org/.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Endometriosis, acupuncture, East Asian medicine, reproductive endocrinologist, clomid, letrozole, IUI, pregnancy loss, rainbow baby, IVF, secondary infertility, one and no longer trying for another, Massachusetts, endometriosis care, endometriosis advocacy, professional directory, mind-body wellness, yoga, meditation, mental health support, talk therapy, guilt, blame, massage therapy, reiki, Lexington MA, preconception, assisted reproductive technology, fertility, for family and friends, family building, infertility support, endometriosis awareness, acupuncture for fertility, emotional support during IVF, navigating infertility, reproductive health, fertility journey, holistic family building, self-advocacy in healthcare, coping with infertility, secondary infertility, mindfulness in fertility, Eastern medicine for conception, holistic wellness for families, managing stress during IVF, community support for infertility, resources for family building, fertility acupuncture benefits, personal stories in infertility

In this episode, we chat with Valerie Imparato, a lawyer and artist originally from Haiti, currently living in Somerville, Massachusetts. Valerie shares her often complicated journey to parenthood. She recounts her initial easy conception followed by a miscarriage in Italy during Covid, and the subsequent "excruciating" nine months of trying before conceiving her daughter unexpectedly during a vacation where she was "not doing all the things" typically recommended for optimal fertility. Valerie also opens up about enduring two more miscarriages and an unsuccessful round of IVF, and her ongoing, emotionally taxing second IVF cycle.

Our conversation delves into the profound impact her family building struggles have had on her relationships. She discusses the guilt of navigating secondary infertility while raising her three-year-old daughter, feeling as though she might be "robbing her of her childhood" due to the demands of treatments like IVF. She shares the frustration of comparing her journey to friends who conceive easily, and the strain the constant emotional and physical burden has placed on her marriage. We also touch on the unique generational grief experienced when family members pass away before new babies can be born. Some of Valerie’s biggest sources of support include a Bible study group specifically for women who have experienced miscarriages and fertility issues and the unexpected comfort of television shows like Severance that portray fertility struggles authentically. 

A significant part of Valerie's coping mechanism and expression is her art, which she uses to process emotions and experiences that are difficult to articulate through words. She emphasizes that her art often captures the "strange and alienating and lonely and clinical" aspects of IVF, rather than solely the outcome of having a baby, as she initially assumed IVF would be a guaranteed success. This includes the bureaucratic challenges like red tape, insurance issues, and constant phone calls related to treatments. A favorite piece from her show earlier this year is a portrait of Valerie in a hospital gown, depicted through embroidery for her body and skin, with actual hospital gown fabric and silk for the bed sheets. This piece took a "billion years" to create and, while rooted in her IVF journey, evokes memories of being in the hospital after her miscarriages, creating a feeling of "deja vu" and a "merry-go-round" of emotions related to trying to have or losing a baby. The expression on her face in this piece is described as "resigned". 

Sharing her art has created a sense of community with others who have experienced similar struggles and Valerie hopes that one day her daughter will see her art and understand "what this was like for me and why maybe sometimes I was the way that I was". Valerie is currently working on new art that will continue to explore this topic, but with a stronger link to her mom's illness. Listeners can view Valerie's art at her website https://www.valeriepimparato.com/ or by following her on Instagram @vp_visualart.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

IVF, secondary infertility, guilt, relationships, grief, pregnancy after loss, bible study, fertility challenges, art, visual art, community support, connection, shame, stigma, Severance, infertility in the media, family building, infertility support, miscarriage experience, IVF journey, parenting while trying to conceive, emotional impact of fertility issues, fertility consultation, pregnancy loss, trying to conceive tips, women’s health and fertility, coping with miscarriage, family dynamics during fertility struggles, supportive community for infertility, navigating pregnancy after loss, emotional well-being during IVF, fertility treatments, understanding ovulation, parenting struggles, generational grief in family building

This episode of the AllPaths podcast features Amanda Nordberg, a volunteer for the Footsteps for Family Building Walk, who shares her struggle with recurrent pregnancy loss and the emotional experience of pregnancy after loss. Amanda and her husband Andy began trying to conceive in 2020 and while they discovered that her body was "great at getting pregnant," it struggled to "stay pregnant". Over time, Amanda experienced multiple types of loss: an early miscarriage at 11 weeks (where the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks), which required a D&C procedure; an ectopic pregnancy around 6 weeks that was treated with methotrexate shots; and a chemical pregnancy. Eventually Amanda did have two nerve-racking, yet ultimately successful pregnancies resulting in her son Miles and daughter Zoey. Her journey highlights the multifaceted emotional toll of pregnancy loss, impacting not only the immediate moment of loss but also significantly altering subsequent pregnancies.

Amanda's story also emphasizes the critical role of support and open communication. After her first loss, she decided to share her experience publicly on social media, which led to an outpouring of support from others who had gone through similar struggles. She connected with AllPaths (then Resolve New England) and found solace in their pregnancy loss support groups. Throughout the conversation, we explore how to navigate feelings of grief and hope, and how finding community can work towards ending the stigma surrounding pregnancy loss. Amanda's advocacy for openness and vulnerability shines through as she encourages others to find their people and allow themselves grace in their family building journey.

Learn more about AllPaths’ pregnancy loss support groups and resources.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Missed miscarriage, D&C, miscarriage management, pregnancy loss, pregnancy loss group, ovulation testing, ectopic pregnancy, methotrexate, chemical pregnancy, recurrent pregnancy loss, Boston IVF, pregnancy after loss, fear, anxiety, jealousy, anger, support, childbirth, therapy, Emily Oster, normalizing loss, find your people, walk, Footsteps for Family Building, AllPaths Family Building, annual walk, family building, pregnancy loss, infertility support, emotional support for pregnancy loss, coping with miscarriage, family growth journey, support groups for loss, navigating pregnancy after loss, community support for families, pregnancy after miscarriage, infertility awareness, mental health in pregnancy, pregnancy loss resources, stories of loss and hope, celebrating family building, sharing your pregnancy story, support for expecting parents, fertility challenges, pregnancy after loss experiences

On this episode of the AllPaths podcast, we invite Meg to share her continuing journey through recurrent miscarriages, unsuccessful fertility treatments, and an unflagging quest for answers. Meg, who runs "For the Barreness”, a infertility-focused blog and Instagram account, delves into her experience with seven miscarriages and eight rounds of IVF, highlighting the emotional and physical toll of recurrent losses, including the infrequently discussed postpartum experiences after miscarriage. Meg also shares the long road to receiving diagnoses of endometriosis, adenomyosis, autoimmune disorders, and a Müllerian Abnormality, several that were conditions she suspected she was dealing with for years due to severe menstrual pain, but was dismissed by medical professionals until after her recurrent losses.

Meg elaborates on the creation of "For the Barreness," which she initially started out of loneliness in order to connect with others experiencing similar challenges, explaining how the name "Barreness" reclaims the often hurtful word "barren" to signify strength and regality within the community. The platform has grown into a vibrant online space where people offer mutual support, share stories, and find validation for difficult emotions such as anger and jealousy. Throughout our conversation, Meg also talks about other strategies and tools that she’s found to be helpful along this path, including finding a therapist with a fertility background who provides direct guidance and her love of reading "smutty fantasy" books as a form of escapism. Meg remains hopeful about the future and continues to grow the “For the Barreness” community, celebrating the resilience and beauty of all family building paths and outcomes.

To connect with Meg at For the Barreness, visit https://www.forthebarreness.com/ or @for_the_barreness on Instagram.

And if you are looking for support and resources around Recurrent Pregnancy Loss, we highly recommend checking on the nonprofit Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Association: https://rplassociation.org/

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

TTC, endometriosis, adenomyosis, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, fertility treatment, IVF, recurrent pregnancy loss, reproductive endocrinologist, reproductive immunologist, recurrent loss specialist, patient advocacy, self-advocacy, education, therapy, books, romantasy books, escapism, toxic positivity, Meg Faith, For the Barreness, family building, fertility struggles, miscarriage support, recurrent miscarriage, endometriosis awareness, IVF journey, emotional support for infertility, parenting without children, community for infertility, overcoming fertility challenges, navigating family planning, resources for miscarriage, pregnancy loss awareness, building a family after loss, mental health and fertility, infertility and grief, reproductive health education, support groups for infertility, chronic illness and pregnancy, finding hope after loss

This episode features Jessica Katz, licensed clinical social worker and certified perinatal mental health therapist, and parent to an egg-donor conceived child. During our conversation, Jessica shares her deeply personal and often challenging journey to parenthood, from her early struggles with irregular periods and feeling shame around her body and reproductive health, to an eventual diagnosis of ovarian insufficiency leading to the recommendation for donor egg IVF. The donor conception process was not without challenges, from navigating outdated agency databases to the emotional blow of discovering a seemingly ideal donor didn't pass medical testing. These setbacks ultimately led her to the realization that health and good character were far more important than physical traits in a donor.

Jessica's journey continued with immense gratitude for her chosen donor, who demonstrated remarkable kindness and resilience even through a stressful pharmacy mishap during the retrieval cycle. After facing a continued stream of obstacles to an unsuccessful frozen transfer, a second cycle - though still plagued with challenges - ultimately was successful, and Jessica is now a proud mom to an almost one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Now navigating parenting a donor conceived child, Jessica values openness with her daughter about their journey, wanting to instill in her how special she is “because it took three people to make her and three people that all have such amazing strengths”.

Inspired by her experiences, Jessica founded Empress Counseling, a practice dedicated to helping others navigate infertility, pregnancy, and postpartum challenges, named after the Empress Tarot Card symbolizing nurture and maternal energy. In her work, she advocates for compassion-focused therapy, encouraging clients to validate their feelings, practice genuine self-care beyond checklists, and give themselves permission to have needs. Jessica stresses that infertility is a unique "beast" and she works to dismantle the shame and blame often associated with it, emphasizing that your struggles or the results of your family-building efforts do not diminish your inherent worth.

Connect with Jessica through her website (https://www.empresscounseling.com) or on Instagram @empresscounseling.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Fertility treatment, infertility, Irregular cycle, reproductive endocrinologist, diminished ovarian reserve, ovarian insufficiency, donor egg, donor conception, guilt, IVF, donor egg IVF, DEIVF, egg donor agency, anonymous egg donor, frozen embryo transfer, therapy, mental health support, parenting donor conceived children, trauma, shame, healing, therapist, compassion-focused therapy, self-care, compassion, Jessica Katz, Empress Counseling

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!

In this episode we welcome Lisa Rosenthal, President of the AllPaths Family Building Board of Directors. Lisa shares her deeply personal and often challenging six-and-a-half year journey through infertility, which began when she was 26 and "very naive" about conception. She recounts undergoing extensive fertility treatments, including being one of the first patients in the US to use Lupron injections. Lisa discusses the significant challenges of the time, noting that IVF success rates were only around 19% for the best candidates, and the personal struggle of balancing privacy with the need for support, often feeling "the nastiest, meanest, infertile person in the world". She famously made the decision to openly share her journey with 200 colleagues, a move that unexpectedly revealed 15 others in the same struggle, including two best friends who were unaware of each other's experiences, profoundly shaping her commitment to advocacy and transparency around fertility and family building challenges.

Lisa eventually achieved her dream of parenthood, welcoming three children. Her journey profoundly impacted her professional life, leading her to dedicate 37 years and counting to patient advocacy in this space. She highlights that despite advancements in science and technology, the biggest patient complaint remains not feeling seen and heard, emphasizing the critical need for a "human touch" in fertility care that often gets lost. Lisa shares valuable advice, encouraging those struggling to connect with trustworthy non-profit resources like AllPaths, emphasizing the importance of open communication and setting boundaries with friends and family during treatment, and promoting "radical self-acceptance" throughout the process. Her ambition for AllPaths is to triple its reach so that fewer people will say, "I didn't know you existed" when they needed support most.

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Infertility, fertility treatment, patient advocate, American Fertility Association, magazine, Lupron, IVF, pregnancy rate, pregnancy loss, advocacy, therapy, resources, support, boundaries, legislation, genetic testing, community support, isolation, board service, volunteer, AllPaths Board of Directors, First Fertility, support group, connection, communication, radical self-acceptance, unsolicited advice, for family and friends, family building, infertility support, fertility treatment, reproductive health, patient advocacy, IVF journey, emotional support, parenting journey, family growth, AllPaths Family Building, community support, fertility awareness, reproductive endocrinology, coping with infertility, parenting advice, emotional wellbeing, fertility resources, infertility stories, peer support groups, navigating family building

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!

This episode of the AllPaths podcast features Bruce, an attorney in the Boston area. Prior to becoming a lawyer, Bruce and his husband built their family through surrogacy with gamete donation, going through the process twice with different surrogates in different states. After leaving his previous career to become a stay-at-home parent, his own family building experience and encouragement from his husband led him to law school and ultimately his solo practice Modern Family Law, which focuses exclusively on matters related to family formation through assisted procreation.

Our conversation delves into the emotional journey of family building, noting that gay men pursuing surrogacy often begin with optimism, contrasting with the skepticism or despair some heterosexual couples may experience after long struggles with infertility. Bruce also discusses his role as an advocate in Massachusetts, particularly his significant involvement in the coalition to pass the Massachusetts Parentage Act (MPA), which was finally signed into law in 2024 after over eight years of effort. He explains that the MPA provides much-needed clarity on parentage for families created through modern methods like gamete donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy, moving beyond traditional definitions. The Act simplifies the process for intended parents to establish legal parentage and clearly states that donors are not parents, offering crucial protections and streamlining legal procedures. 

Beyond his legal practice and advocacy work, Bruce also teaches at his alma mater, Northeastern University School of Law. There he helps shape the future of family law, a specialty that in his eyes goes beyond assisted procreation or family formation, to touch everyone and helps to shape people's identities and relationships in the world.

LINKS:

Connect with Bruce at modernfamily.law

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Third-party reproduction, assisted-procreation law, family formation law, assisted reproduction technology law, private practice, LGBTQ+, same-sex couple, intended parents, surrogate, gestational carrier, surrogacy, egg donation, gamete donation, embryo donation, remaining embryos, full genetic siblings, egg donor, sperm donor, known donor, family law, teaching, Northeastern School of Law, advocacy, Massachusetts Parentage Act, parentage, parental rights, family building, surrogacy, gamete donation, LGBTQ parenting, Massachusetts Parentage Act, assisted reproduction, family law, infertility solutions, intended parents, emotional journey to parenthood, family formation law, legal rights in surrogacy, navigating fertility clinics, parentage laws, advocacy in family law, third party procreation, egg donation, embryo donation, support for LGBTQ families, establishing parentage

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!

In this episode, we welcome Annika, an attorney specializing in assisted reproductive technology (ART), who offers a unique perspective as both a professional in the field and someone who built her own family through reciprocal IVF. Annika shares her personal journey with her wife, including the decision to use reciprocal IVF (her wife's egg, Annika carried) and the financial and emotional considerations that guided their path. The conversation highlights the significant financial hurdles of fertility treatment and the inequity of insurance coverage that exists, even in states like Massachusetts that have a fertility mandate. In addition to being their preference for non-clinical reasons, reciprocal IVF was medically recommended for their family, but was considered "elective" because they did not attempt conception "the old-fashioned way" or through IUI/ICSI first. 

A 2013 graduate of BU Law, Annika studied assisted reproductive technology (ART) and was particularly interested in ARTs intersection with "intent-based parentage". A past co-chair of the Massachusetts LGBTQ Bar Association and current GLAD Law Board Member, Annika shares her passion for her practice, which combines estate law, family formation, confirmatory adoptions, and pro bono name changes for the transgender community. She also discusses her advocacy work for the Massachusetts Parentage Act (MPA), sharing how her daughter, Maya – affectionately known as the "MPA baby" – was born during the campaign and even participated in its signing.

In both her practice and her own personal experience, Annika has witnessed the societal stigma surrounding fertility treatments, contrasting the openness in the queer community about needing medical intervention with the shame often experienced by straight couples. She criticizes outdated terms like "social infertility" and "elective" treatments, emphasizing their harm in insurance advocacy. The importance of updated terminology isn’t just reserved for during the family building process, but is also important for when talking about parenting, from intent-based parentage in law to the need for updated language in medical forms that are more inclusive of diverse family structures.

LINKS:

Connect with Annika: https://www.absesq.com/

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

family building, reciprocal IVF, LGBTQ family planning, fertility treatment options, assisted reproductive technology, parenting with same-sex couples, emotional support for parents, fertility insurance coverage, navigating fertility challenges, queer family advocacy, medical history for families, parenting and legal rights, family formation law, financial aspects of IVF, support for LGBTQ parents, personal experiences in family building, family planning resources, parenting journeys, overcoming fertility stigma, legal issues in family creation, Attorney, assisted reproduction technology law, reciprocal IVF, LGBTQ+ fertility, two moms, same-sex couples, queer couple, queer family, donor sperm, donor conception, PCOS, natural cycle, cost of fertility treatment, fertility, family building, Massachusetts Parentage Act, insurance coverage for fertility care, confirmatory adoption, social infertility, inclusive insurance mandates, family formation law, intent-based parenting, intent-based parentage

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!

In this episode of the AllPaths podcast, we speak with Will Baird, a father of three who grew up with a unique perspective on family building. Will shares how his father, a PhD in animal sciences who began working in human IVF in the late 80s/early 90s, exposed him to the lab environment from a young age. He and his twin sister, conceived through IUI, have fond memories of going to the IVF lab with his father on weekends. As an adult, Will worked alongside his father and ultimately became a fertility patient himself. Will openly shares the emotional experience of going through IVF as a patient, even while working in the field, highlighting in particular the challenge of managing expectations through the process of attrition – the natural decrease in the number of eggs and embryos from retrieval to blastocyst stage. 

Inspired by the stress and false alarms associated with traditional cryostorage tank monitoring using simple methods like yardsticks and temperature probes that don't indicate liquid nitrogen levels, Will talks about the shift his career path took to address this critical need. He is now CEO and co-founder of Boreas Monitoring Solutions, a company providing a weight-based monitoring system that sits under storage tanks to infer the liquid nitrogen level. Will's focus is on raising awareness about this new technology and educating the next generation of embryologists about safer storage methods. Reflecting on his path, Will is grateful for being able to help families and contribute to the field in a way he feels has a significant impact, including keeping his last embryo safe as it sits in a tank monitored by his system.

LINKS:

Learn more about Boreas Monitoring Solutions at https://www.boreasmonitoring.com/

Connect with Will on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/william-baird-1b930195

TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

Unexplained infertility, IVF, genetic testing, IVF lab, lab work, cryostorage, quality control, Boreas Monitoring Solutions, family building, IVF journey, emotional support in fertility, infertility struggles, IUI, assisted reproductive technology, managing expectations in IVF, parenting after IVF, egg retrieval process, embryo storage, fertility clinic support, family growth stories, infertility resources, navigating infertility, family building podcast, various monitoring IVF, understanding IVF success rates, attrition, embryologists, emotional journey of IVF, fertility awareness, connecting with IVF patients

CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org

Follow us on social media @allpathsfb

Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at [email protected]!