Always Forward with Joe Sikorra

You will act on your beliefs. 

You will make all decisions, big and small, based on what you believe. But where and how do you form beliefs about yourself and the world? The truth, your beliefs about yourself begin forming in infancy. 

You may believe that rejection by others causes you your pain. It does not. I will explain in this episode.

There is a better way to re-shape your beliefs so that you can make better decisions. Want to know how? Listen now...

There are two questions about belief Jesus asks that I find fascinating:
 
 1. "Do you believe I can do this?"

He asks this to two blind men who were seeking healing. Your belief in you may (and probably will) falter. But healing, experiencing the miraculous, etc. isn't about what you believe you can do, but what God can accomplish.

The blind men answered, "Yes! We believe YOU can heal us." They were healed.

It may be time to stop believing that your life is about what you can accomplish, based on your belief about yourself, and start believing it can be more based on what God can do for you.

There are two questions about belief Jesus asks that I find fascinating:

1. "Do you believe I can do this?"
 
He asks this to two blind men who were seeking healing. Your belief in you may (and probably will) falter. But healing, experiencing the miraculous, etc. isn't about what you believe you can do, but what God can accomplish. 
 
The blind men answered, "Yes! We believe YOU can heal us." They were healed. 
 
It may be time to stop believing that your life is about what you can accomplish, based on your belief about yourself, and start believing it can be more based on what God can do for you.

You may believe that after you leave the dysfunction of your family of origin - including your siblings - you will have a more functional life. But not necessarily.
 
 In childhood, you may have learned that you cannot trust; that relationships are precarious and untrustworthy. Perhaps for a good reason, you have cut them off, or they have cut you off. Nevertheless, those “lessons” remain. You long for relationship, but it is hard to trust.

To begin again, you have to start with your faith. Understand yourself from God’s perspective. He says, “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children… And then the bonus of eternal life!” (Mark 10). 

You may have to sacrifice your past (and its dysfunction) to embrace what God has for you. You have to take on a new way of thinking and believing. This may sound too difficult for you to accomplish on your own. However, that is okay. God wants to help you. Moreover, His help is worth far more than you could accomplish. Remember, although you could not trust your siblings, you will have to challenge yourself to trust God in times of difficulty…

”One day he and his disciples got in a boat. “Let’s cross the lake,” he said. And off they went. It was smooth sailing, and he fell asleep. A terrific storm came up suddenly on the lake. Water poured in, and they were about to capsize. They woke Jesus: “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” Getting to his feet, he told the wind, “Silence!” and the waves, “Quiet down!” They did it. The lake became smooth as glass. Then he said to his disciples, “Why can’t you trust me?” (Luke 8).

In your desperation to make your new relationships work, you may be tempted to people-please, sacrificing your values, needs, and even yourself, for a relationship. However, your goal is to please God, not everyone else. Paul spoke this way: “Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate” (Galatians 6).

Before you trust in yourself, before you trust in others, you must trust in God. Why? “I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” (John 16).

You might love the holidays. But for many, they are extraordinarily painful and challenging. Whichever side you're on, this information can help.
 
 First, remember to breathe. It sounds too simple to be true, but it is. Deep slow breathing shuts down the fight or flight response. 
 
 Meals may be a source of stress for you. But keep in mind that Jesus was about feeding the masses. It wasn't about dishes but love, provision, and gratitude. It was about sharing. He wants you to share in His bounty and share His love. Make this the focus of your gathering. 
 
 You may be inclined to overeat and drink too much alcohol. It's at most gatherings.

Fight the urge to overindulge. Exercise. Eat balanced meals. Keep your body moving. Even the Apostle Paul says that going to the gym is good for you. But exercising your faith is even more critical. (See 1 Timothy 4:8-10)
 
 Plan ahead. Don't visualize the perfect gathering. Anticipate that things will go wrong. But plan how you want to respond. How do you want to feel? How do you want to act? Practice that! Remember what God says, "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us" (Eph. 3).
  
 You can cry or get upset about the burned cookies or whatever goes wrong. Or you can choose to laugh. It is a decision. Laughter lowers stress levels. Psalm 100 says to laugh and sing yourself into God's presence. 
 
 Prioritize what matters most. It's not the turkey. (Unless you want it to be.) But your primary job at gatherings is to share God's life and love. How best to do that? Live a life of GRATITUDE. This is something you have to practice. It won't necessarily be instinctive.

Remember when Jesus healed ten lepers? Only ONE returned to Jesus to give thanks.  (Luke 17)
 
 Think of your escape plan if necessary. Take little breaks. God says He will help you to recover your life. Get away with Him!
 
 And finally, it can be a stressful time. This might make you (and others) quick to snap. God reminds you, "Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.” (Luke 6:37-38)

Stressed? Not sure? Here are a few signs: 

• Feelings of fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness, or frustration
• Changes in appetite, energy, desires, and interests
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Nightmares or problems sleeping
• Physical reactions, such as headaches, body pains, stomach problems, or skin rashes
• Worsening of chronic health problems and mental health conditions
• Increased use of alcohol, illegal drugs or abusing prescribed meds

Before you take care of your kids, you have to take care of yourself! Start with the basics: 8 hours sleep; eating well; exercise, to name a few.

Schedule time to relax and engage in activities you enjoy.

Connect with others. We are a social species. Let go of your on-line connections, and make time for face to face connections. When you do this you demonstrate to your kids how important it is for them to put down their devices.

If your kids are stressed, create more stability with routine. The Prophet Isaiah says that God keeps your days stable and secure ... Make meal times at the same time. The same with bed times.

Most importantly, CONNECT with your kids. When you make time to listen, to be present to them, you let them know that they matter and are not alone. Speak encouraging words to them, just as God asks you:

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind  (1 Thes. 5).

Life can be tough. You may have been a victim. But you don’t have to remain defeated. You can become resilient and mentally tough. God is strong and he wants you to be strong. How?

With resilience, you harness the strength necessary to meet challenges. When you develop mental toughness you stop focusing on what got you down and shift to what you can do to get back up. Without resilience, you may try to “cope” with alcohol and drugs, or give in to anxiety or depression. 

Resilience doesn’t make the problems go away. It allows you to move through them. But you don’t do this alone. The first step to building strength is to reach out for support. First, from God, and then from others. God wants to help you. When the leper asked Jesus if He wanted to help, He could. I want to, Jesus said. And He wants to help you!

Build your community of support. Engage with others who will stick with you in tough times.

Creating meaning and purpose in your life helps you to become more resilient. Set goals—including giving to others. As you see your support helping others you will feel better about yourself. Also, when you learn—including how you overcame previous tough times—you grow. When you see the growth, your life takes on more meaning.

Prayer is your best weapon when you feel overwhelmed. Paul wrote, “We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing (2 Corinthians 1:8-10).

You can’t change the past, or what happened to you. But you can remain hopeful. You can change your trajectory by becoming proactive. Pray. Make a plan. Then ACT. Again, Paul says, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Take care of yourself. Focus on the basics like sleep, eating well, exercising, and praying. Don’t quit. Don’t give up. Take a step. You can grow in strength.

As the song says, "You've Lost that Loving Feeling." But maybe it doesn't stop there. You've lost your joy, enthusiasm, and zest for life. YOU CAN GET IT BACK!
 
 As the apostle, Paul says, "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him! (Romans 8:15-17).
 
 Maybe what you've known has been taken from you. Time to take it back. How? Begin by changing your focus. How much TV, news, and social media do you use? Let's face it; it probably is not the best use of your time. Again, as Paul says, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" ( Phil. 4:8-9). 
 
 What's the best way to shift your focus? GET OUTSIDE. Nature is amazing. It is God's creation. When you experience awe, you will be reminded of the God of all creation and His love for YOU! Listen for His voice and call for you. What does He want of you? To love. Simply. In the small ways. Be goodness for others. Share a smile. Try to find a new and novel way to give. The brain loves new. What is one small recent activity you can do today? Whatever you're doing now, you don't have to give up. Just be willing to do some novel act. Remember, all of the apostles did one thing then Jesus called them into a new way of life. You were created to keep learning and growing.
 
 Show grace to yourself. It took a while for you to get into your funk. It may take time to get out of it. Focus on progress and process—one step at a time. Life can be so much more. Trust. Believe. Act.
 
 I will meet you back on the road. Until then...Always Forward!

Even when all feels lost, it is not. That is just your feeling. You can cultivate hope! “Once you choose hope, anything is possible,” said Christopher Reeve, best known for his role as “Superman”. You can choose and cultivate hope!
 
 You don't have to trust in the power of you. The apostle Paul said, "We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! (2 Cor. 8-11).

Find hope in the unexpected: the laughter of children; a smile shared; nature. Hope can be found in small little places. "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." (Eph. 3:20-21).

Cultivating optimism supports the growth of hope. Optimism will give you a higher quality of life and better physical and mental health according to scientific research. Practicing gratitude can also foster hope. Good things can happen, but you can choose not to be grateful. Jesus healed ten lepers. Only ONE returned to Jesus to give thanks.

You may feel life can't get better. But it can. Use your imagination. Think about what is possible with God on your side! Remember, the God who created the universee lives in you and makes His Home in you!

Bless others. Give without expecting anything in return. But God will pay you back for the love you show. "The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped" (Proverb s 11:25).

When you feel hopeless, take time for yourself. Love yourself as you desire to love others. Eat right. Sleep. Exercise. Get out of the dark and into The Light.

Hope will return - even if you don't know how it will. Paul says, "I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God’s Spirit and God’s power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God’s power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else" (1 Cor. 2:3-5).