Always Forward with Joe Sikorra

The first step for moving from depression to happiness is to DECIDE. You may have been down for so long you don't realize that more is possible. It's not true. But you must be willing to think and act differently.

The first thing I suggest you do is to limit your time on social media. Consciously or unconsciously, you're constantly making life comparisons. Most people put on their best face for the camera. "Look how wonderful my life is!" But it rarely represents the whole truth. We all struggle. Whatever the appearances, you've been given your life to live.

Paul says, "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life" [Galatians 6:4-5, The Message].

If you're lacking joy, turn off the noise. Mindfulness is the practice of slowing down, focusing on your breathing, and entering into the moment. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. But right now. Jesus says you can do this with Him! "“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” [Matt. 11:28-30, The Message].

If you're your own worst enemy, criticizing your every move, go in a different direction. Focus on others. Love others. Serve others. We are meant to live in connection. Paradoxically, doing more for others can help you to feel better about yourself. "In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t" [Romans 12:4-8, The Message].

Become aware of your focus and your complaints. If you constantly focus on the negative it means you're not focusing on solutions and what can be. You will remain stuck. Paul says it this way: "I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies" [Phil. 4:8-9].

Your depression may feel familiar, even comfortable. But to experience more you have to get out of

Low self-esteem becomes intrenched by what you say to YOURSELF! "I'm a loser; I'll never succeed; I'm not good enough!" You learned to be too self-critical, likely by having critical and unsupportive people around you.  Positive mantras in themselves are not enough to change this.

 Despite what you believe, God thinks differently. You are made in His image and likeness! You are a wonderful creation! So how do you change those negative beliefs? You must ACT! You have to get out of your comfort zone and risk "failure." The more you act courageously, the better you'll feel about yourself.

The Apostle John says that LOVE "shuts down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. [1 John 3:18-20]. Love is action, it's not simply a feeling.

In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul says that he felt he was done. He'd been beaten. But rather than relying on himself, he chose to trust God to accomplish what he couldn't. By yourself, you may not have what it takes. But remember, when you invite God into your life, His Holy Spirit lives in you. The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead!

To feel better about yourself you have to challenge yourself. Do what is tough. Peter and John were bold and courageous before the opposition because they believed in their mission. 

You don't want to start off too bold, however. Start small. Take steps initially. Build up to bigger. God says the same thing: "This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice" [Matt. 10:40-42].

Focus on the effort, not the outcome. You can't control every outcome. It's the journey that matters most.

Finally, remember, you are not alone.  "Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. ... fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. ...God brings the best out of you" [Romans 12:1-2 The Message].

You can not control everything that will happen to you. But you can control how you respond. Take steps, no matter how small when life seems to take you down. This will help prevent feelings of helplessness. Shift your focus from the negative to the blessings in your life. They can live right alongside one another. You must choose to see the good!

You aren't meant to do this alone. Find friends who make you laugh. And find friends who will share your sorrow. Recognizing that you are not alone will help to prevent anxiety and depression.

Pray and play! Countless studies confirm the value of exercise. And when. you pray you connect with God Himself! You are never alone.

Jesus reminds you...  “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds [Matt 6: 25-26, The Message].

Staying in destructive relationships is more common than you'd think. But once those reasons have been illuminated, you may feel empowered to get out if appropriate. 

God says to bless your enemies. This could lead to forgiveness which softens your own feelings, leaving you to think more rationally about leaving.

You may be holding on to the moments of bliss, although this represents only a minuscule part of the relationship. Just as Jesus turned away from the splendor that the devil offered Him, you, too, may have to let go of the moments of bliss for your greater health.

If abused or neglected as a child, you may have formed the belief that the neglect you receive now is all you deserve. It may also have an allure because it is familiar. You may not believe it now, but you can gain a more accurate understanding that you deserve so much more.

You may be staying because you think you are protecting others who would be hurt if you separated. This may or may not be true...

You may fear being alone, so staying in a destructive relation beats the pain of loneliness. But you are never alone. God will never leave or forsake you!

Perhaps you stay because you are in a codependent relationship. Your partner is addicted and you see yourself as the savior. It makes you feel needed. But this is an unhealthy dynamic.

God welcomes you in to your real family, your eternal family. Embrace His love and all He offers and you can let go of the destruction. 

You might assume  that material wealth and possessions bring happiness. Science says otherwise - and so does God!

Possessions can distract you from what really does bring happiness, like simplicity, and you relationship with God and others.

The Apostle James reminds you that "You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing." [James 4, The Message] A great reminder that you should be pursuing the things that will matter for all of eternity!

Life satisfaction in the United States has remained at the same level for half a century, even though GDP (gross domestic product) has tripled. More stuff, but no more satisfaction.

The distraction of wanting more can negatively effect your faith, as Jesus says in Matthew 13: “The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it" [Matt 13:22, The Message].

What's the answer? Living with Simplicity.

We frequently misunderstand emotions. One of the most common mistakes is to think your current emotional response has to do with what is currently going on. Frequently (but unknowingly) you act out today on what happened to you way in the past.

The goal isn't to repress your emotion, but to understand what they are trying to tell you.
They might be a clue that there is a past hurt that needs healing.

Once you do that, it is more likely that current emotional responses really are in response to what you are experiencing now.

Emotions aren't necessarily easy to understand. But God have them to you as a useful tool, and as a way to experience life more fully. 

God gives you all the tools necessary, including your imagination, to deal with the difficult people in your life.

Just like the Apostle Paul, you can reframe your experiences and people who cause you stress into a "gift" or opportunity to grow. Paul writes about it in 2 Corinthians 12. The "gift" is God's grace.

Researchers call it “reappraisal inventiveness,” when you come up with as many ways possible to deal with the stressful person. This helps you to move from feeling stuck and stressed to creative and hopeful.

Difficult people can provide you with the greatest opportunity to grow! You may not have the answers now, but that doesn't mean they will not exist in the future. As Paul says in 
2 Corinthians 7:10, distress can drive you to God, and He has ALL the answers for dealing with those in your life who cause you stress!

In part 2 of Traits of a Healthy Marriage, we explore traits including: shared values, learning and growth, responsibility verses blame, hope, empathy, and forgiveness.

We explore these traits from both a psychological and scriptural perspective.

It's not enough to focus on the problems of a relationship if you want a healthy marriage. You need to understand what a healthy marriage would look like. 

In part 1 of this 2 part episode, we talk about commitment, assuming and seeing the best, respectful communication, laughter, flexibility, and curiosity. 

We focus on these traits from both a psychological and scriptural perspective.