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This week on the show we’re looking at all the actors who almost starred in Christopher Nolan’s twisty 2000 film Memento! Which Oscar-winning A-lister was supposed to play Leonard but had to drop out due to scheduling conflicts? Which X-Men star was considered for Natalie? And how lovably scuzzy is Joe Pantaliano in this? Also – who the heck is reminding Leonard to dye those roots??

 

Memento stars Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss, Joe Pantaliano, Mark Boone Junior, Harriet Sansom Harris, Callum Keith Rennie, and Stephen Tobolowsky; directed by Christopher Nolan

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This month on Patreon, just in time for The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, we’re breaking down the WILD number of people who almost starred in Fellowship of the Ring in a watch-along commentary! Which A-lister said Frodo was his worst audition? Which rock icon courted Peter Jackson for a role? Who was originally cast as Arwen but had to drop out when she found out she was pregnant? And what the heck would the version starring The Beatles have looked like?? Also – we debate where in Middle Earth we’d most want to live, Samwise starts a midnight lawncare service, and it’s your newest jingle courtesy of And Almost Starring: The Kylie Minogue song!

For those who need to stop of restart the commentary, the sync starts at Timecode: 00:02:12 of this audio track, matched up to 00:00:00 of the film’s timecode.

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For our final episode of Dog Days month, we welcome friend of the show Evan Maltby (Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh! Sevens) to break down who almost starred in the bloated Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves! Which future Robin Hood turned down a role in the film? Which sci-fi legend turned down the Sheriff of Nottingham? And how random was Friar Tuck breaking the fourth wall? Also – we try to make sense of the wildly inconsistent accents, point out what appears to be a talking goose, and celebrate Alan Rickman’s bananas performance, including his incredible Baftas speech!

 

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves stars Kevin Costner, Morgan Freeman, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Christian Slater, Geraldine McEwan, Michael McShane, Michael Wincott, Sean Connery, Brian Blessed, Nick Brimble, Soo Drouet, and Alan Rickman; directed by Kevin Reynolds

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Our Dog Days month continues with the supremely silly fantasy-action film Highlander! Which professional wrestler claims he was offered the lead? Which double Oscar-winner was considered for Ramirez? And if your only weakness is getting your head cut off, why aren’t these immortals investing in neck armor? Also – thank god for this absolute banger of a Queen soundtrack!

 

Highlander stars Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Roxanne Hart, Beatie Edney, Sheila Gish, Alan North, Hugh Quarshie, Jon Polito, and Clancy Brown; directed by Russell Mulcahy

 

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Our Dog Days month continues as we break down who almost starred in the ridiculous musical Burlesque! Which Oscar-winner did Christina Aguilera want for Nikki? Which Twilight-actor was considered for Jack? And does this movie know what burlesque even is?? Also – we debate whether Alan Cumming was digitally inserted into the movie and Jeff gives a dramatic reading of the lyrics to Jack’s dumb, dumb song: Show Me How You Burlesque!

 

Burlesque stars Christina Aguilera, Cher, Stanley Tucci, Cam Gigandet, Eric Dane, Julianne Hough, Peter Gallagher, Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron, Glynn Turman, David Walton, Terrence Jenkins, and Alan Cumming; directed by Steve Antin

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On this week’s listener request episode, our Dog Days month gets super silly as we break down who almost starred in 1984’s Supergirl! Which three-time Oscar nominee was up for the title role? Which country music legend turned down a part? And why does Peter O’Toole keep saying, ‘squirt’ so much?? Also – we pitch the muppetized version of the movie we most want to see: Superpig!

 

Supergirl stars Helen Slater, Faye Dunaway, Peter O’Toole, Mia Farrow, Brenda Vaccaro, Peter Cook, Simon Ward, Marc McClure, Hart Bochner, and Maureen Teefy; directed by Jeannot Szwarc

 

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On the first episode of our Dog Days month, we’re breaking down who narrowly dodged starring in the Michael Crichton sci-fi/adventure Congo! Which British rom-com star turned down a role? Which Oscar-winner was Monroe Kelly originally written for? And how did John Patrick Shanley go from writing Moonstruck to this nonsense? Also – Amy Jo schools us on these so-called “talking” gorillas, and Jeff pitches the Gorilla Workout!

 

Congo stars Laura Linney, Ernie Hudson, Dylan Walsh, Grant Heslov, Joe Don Baker, Bruce Campbell, John Hawkes, Delroy Lindo, Joe Pantaliano, and Tim Curry; directed by Frank Marshall

 

 

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On this month’s Patreon-exclusive episode, we’re looking at who almost starred in the Spielberg classic Jaws in a watch-along commentary! Which Godfather actor turned down a role? Which musical theatre star was up for Hooper? And how was the original plan to TRAIN an ACTUAL SHARK?? Also – bada bing – It’s the sequel you never knew you wanted but can’t possibly live without: The Sopranos vs Jaws!

 

Jaws stars Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, Richard Dreyfuss, Murray Hamilton, and Lorraine Gary; directed by Steven Spielberg

 

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To celebrate it’s 30th anniversary, we’re breaking down who almost starred in the pitch-black comedy Death Becomes Her! Which Oscar-nominee could have played Helen? Who was cast as Ernest but dropped out over a pay dispute? And what’s the announced musical adaptation going to look like? Also – Amy Jo gives a dramatic reading from Sweet Bird of Youth, Jeff goes on a Michael Caine deep dive, and it’s Nick Nolte like you’ve never seen him before: massive musical theatre buff!

 

Death Becomes Her stars Meryl Streep, Goldie Hawn, Bruce Willis, Isabella Rossellini, Ian Ogilvy, and Sydney Pollack; directed by Robert Zemeckis

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This week we’re joined again by the hosts of Poor Unfortunate Podcast, Conor Perkins and Caroline Aimetti to break down the casting of Disney’s EXTREMELY 90s take on Hercules! Which comic legend was originally cast as Hades but replaced after having already recorded all his lines? Which Oscar-winning director auditioned for Phil? How different would the music have been if they’d gotten their original choice to play the Muses? And Zeus SWEARS he’s never been to this Hooters before! Also – category is: Column Couture!

 

Hercules stars Tate Donovan, Susan Egan, James Woods, Barbara Barrie, Hal Holbrook, Matt Frewer, Bobcat Goldthwait, Rip Torn, Lillias White, Roz Ryan, LaChanze, Cheryl Freeman, Vanéese Y. Thomas, and Danny DeVito; directed by Ron Clements and John Musker

 

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