Cartels (2017) When Sinister Six goes sideways, there’s only one man we can call: [check script for name] 2017’s Cartels (aka Killing Salazar) kind-of stars Steven Seagal as Special Agent Harrison, who is interrogating U.S. Marshal Jensen about a botched mission. Jensen and his team had been assigned to collect the body of an assassinated crime lord, Salazar, who ends being very much alive. His team is then directed to guard Salazar at a hotel, because HOTELS CAN BE ANYTHING, and that’s where the rest of the movie takes place. There’s also a rat somewhere in the mix, or a dog, or a shark. We don’t really know. Anyway, make sure that you order some pierogis, buy some dress shields, and enjoy the continental breakfast offered here at Anime Was (Not) A Mistake!