Apologies Accepted

2020 was not a great year, not for most of the world, and certainly not for Ellen DeGeneres.  The opening monologue of Season 18 of The Ellen Show began with some jokes, included an apology, and finished with some more jokes.  But joking aside, behind the scenes stories told of a toxic work environment, rife with racism and sexual harassment.  Was Ellen simply a victim of her own PR, set-up for failure with the nickname of “The Be Kind Lady,” or is she just playing nice for the camera?  How does one apologize for being human?

Fresh from our secret vault of 2020 shows, here’s a never-before-released episode from Friday the 13th of November 2020.

From National Joke in 2008 to National Treasure in 2020, Britney Spears has been a focus of the tabloid media.  She becomes the center of every story, even this one - because this episode is really about Justin Timberlake’s apology to Britney for how poorly he handled their break-up in 2004.  What does it mean to make an apology 20 years later – is it sincere or just a PR move?

Even though it’s Justin Timberlake’s apology, we’re focused on Britney and her story. Is she truly unable to care for herself, or is there something more going on behind the scenes that we don’t know?  Shout out to Britney’s Gram podcast and the loyal fans of the #FreeBritney movement: Gimme More.

Ted Yoho’s finest moment in history is being burned by AOC.  What compelled him to accost a congresswoman and call her names?  Did he call her a slur, or were his words misheard by a nearby reporter? We know why he felt he had the right to tell a woman what he thinks and how she should conduct herself, but didn’t he get the memo that AOC is not the one? 

His non-apology is one for the ages and the Apologists are here to consider his apology and rank his effort.

Note:  We know, we know...Liza Minnelli did not star in the original “A Star is Born”.  That was her mother, Barbra Streisand.

Stanford!  It’s not Harvard, but it still has a lot going for it – but one of those things is not designing algorithms.  Due to a “very complex” algorithm written by Stanford staff, executive staff was prioritized to receive the Covid vaccine over front-line medical staff.  Of the 1,300 front-line medical residents, all who work directly with patients, only 7 residents (in math speak that's only 0.005 percent) were on the list to be vaccinated.  Many of the executive staff who were prioritized work from home and don’t see patients.  The medical residents and hospital staff protested, and Stanford quickly apologized for the issues the “complex algorithm” had accidentally created. 

This incident highlights the eternal theme of “us versus them,” a theme that can be found in Stanford's own origin story.  We explore this idea and carry it into issues around West Coast vs East Coast, wages for men vs women, and octopi vs octopuses!

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) issued an apology in January 2021 for its contributions to structural racism in psychiatry.  Founded in 1844, 20 years before the Civil War, the APA was a product of its times, and racism was hard-baked into its structure.  Recognizing the harm that "race based inequities" has caused, the APA takes note of its previous actions and will begin addressing the issue head-on.

It's a conversation striven (strewn) with complexities that considers the ultimate question: Can the master's tools dismantle the master's house?

1970’s New York was a gritty laboratory that created both artists and criminals.  It was a place and time where the boundaries of art were challenged and broken.  Alan Bridge’s Apology Line was one artist’s experiment with art that became his own Frankenstein’s Monster.  Alan meant to tap into the human experience and bring art off of the canvas, to blur the lines between art and reality.  His artistic creation was meant to do good in the world, but in the end it would consume his life and put him in touch with murderers, thieves, and frauds.  Some calls were hoaxes, some were real: it was all art.  Or was it?  Can phone calls be art?  What makes art legitimate?  The Apologist consider the intersection of art, crime, technology, and one man's tragic ending that is tinged with irony.

The Apology Line is a podcast produced by Wondery and recounts the full details of Alan Bridge’s artistic project and his career as an artist.  He was legit, the real deal.  An artist who helped push the concept of art (whatever it is) forward.

It’s our most science-y episode yet!  What is the coronavirus, what are vaccines, and how quickly can you get your shot?  Operation Warp Speed was the intended answer to all those questions.  It had a twofold promise: quick vaccine development (check!) and quick distribution (no check!).  The epic failure of the program has been explained as a simple error in math and a miscommunication.  “We are sorry, we set your expectations too high by giving you the wrong numbers. We said 20 million but it’s really only 2.8 million.  So really, there isn’t an issue!  We are doing totally great and you can just go on about your day!” 

But there is so much more behind the utterly dismal disaster of the Manhattan Project 2, later Operation Warp Speed, now forever remembered as Operation Derp Speed. The apologists consider the apology of a General who is learning that the orange stain on his hands may not wash off.

TOTALLY EXPECTED NEWS FLASH: The Biden Administration has announced it will retire the name “Operation Warp Speed” and consign it to the ash heap of other historical 3rd grade science projects.  Currently being kicked around is the much more obvious “Covid Response Program.”  Watch out, Space Force, you might be next in the renaming schedule!

The American dream, beating Europeans at their own game!  Seven times Tour de France champion, king of cyclists, Lance Armstrong had it all.  He was an American hero, a survivor who beat all odds, who dreamed big and lived boldly.  And lied.  It all comes tumbling down and the Apologists are there to help make sense of the pieces.  Lance apologizes upon the alter of Oprah (all hail!) raising the question: what happens when our heroes turn out to be human after all?

In these strange times we take you back to the more innocent days of childhood.  Stealing a bowlful of Halloween candy from your neighbor’s porch seems like a gentler crime from gentler days…but there is a social contract involved!  You aren’t allowed to trick anyone who has left you a treat.  That’s the rule.  So once you are found out, you’d better apologize.  We walk through the history of Halloween, how it took root in America, and what grew out of it that lead to a child in Wisconsin breaking with tradition and stealing all the candy from a neighbor's porch!

What other social contracts are being violated?  Regulations around our national food supply?  A short but rousing vegetarian approved sidebar that may just make you choose a salad for lunch.  Or maybe KFC really is the only thing standing between your eyeball and a hungry chicken?

Note: discussion of a public shooting begins the episode.

We were only planning two bonus episodes, one for the Holiday Season and one for New Years, but we stupidly forgot about Wednesday, January 6 - Insurrection Day!  We bring you 4 apologies on this bonus episode: an attorney who worked for the Trump administration, two completely innocent civilians who “were just innocent bystanders” while live-streaming the insurrection at the Capitol, and one elected official who marched into the Capitol and has since resigned in disgrace.  Please note: mention of death by suicide in this episode.  If you are in crisis or would just like to speak with someone, please call 800.273.8255.  The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is free, confidential, and available 24/7.