So here is the long arse rant that was caused by the long parenting sesh towards my mother, understanding the works of humans in the wild of the mental shit and the annoying level of having "male" shit shoved in ones face for too long - most of all - ignorance.
But all in all - yea, hi, this is Ana and I've got plenty to rage about today.
I literally wrote a huge piece of work here about my life and genuine struggles all the way in my past history. But hey, life.
Main idea - it's annoying that people, parents, are quite the work of traumatised art. And the annoying aspect about it - that they whine, without doing anything about it. Mostly that's referred to my mother. She's quite the narcissistic piece of victimised sh*t with alcoholism that stretches for more than 20 years. I just hope that there will be a day she dares to get her shit together, dare to change the life and be a better person.
But other than that - I won't forget the shit she put me through. Nah. But I don't cling to it. It is what got me to define boundaries now. It's a bloody PTDS that that woman managed to pull off.
But I'm still deciding to help that twat for the sake of my younger sister. I mean - me and sis are both quite realistic with what's up. We're both treated like we're the parents in the family and mother is forever 18 year old twat. Not that it's what we wish for. So, hope it changes.
Coz whatever out there is - knows how long and how much I desired and prayed for my mother to die, so that it'd be a better and easier life. Yeah. But for now - it's not that it's a great forgiveness. I just let it go.
I healed myself and managed to get in life to now. After all the bloody accidents, self harm (mental and physical - from substance abuse to using body as payment method to other gruesome shit) - I'm glad I am alive and here.
I get to write cool fiction stories. I get to help people I care about. Have amazing friends. I'm truly blessed with those in my life. All that were and are.
I get to enjoy art, read cool novels, watch cool films, listen to amazing artisans, inspire and create. Fuck past - it is in the past. I have present and future to look forward to.
#parentalissues #mentalhealth #kidsparentingparents #ptsd #sa #highemotions #rant
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