As Long As I'm Living

In this episode, Alina and Judith give PRACTICAL advice about what to say to someone newly bereaved. They even give you a formula:

1. Express your condolences

2. Validate their feelings

3. Carry the loss with them

Listen to the episode for specific examples of how to fill each of these buckets and hopefully provide a small amount of comfort to the griever.

They also talk about what NOT to say, and don't worry if you've said any of these things... Judith and Alina have too. Just try to be better in the future! And remember, KEEP IT BRIEF!!!!!!

::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Recipe for Alina's "gross bloody mary drink" (as Judith calls it)

- Gift Guide for Grievers | As Long As I'm Living

- Wonder Woman | As Long As I'm Living

- Mothering a Grieving Mother, Interviews with Our Moms | As Long As I'm Living

- Megan Devine: "So Don't Be So Sad"

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Judith's daughter has officially outlived her son, Aiden. This episode is little bits of content we recorded here and there as The Crossover Day approached, and also some discussion about how she feels afterward.

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Puppy Love | As Long As I'm Living

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

In this episode, Judith and Alina talk about the jealousy that has cropped up in their friendship over the past few months... and it's not in the direction you'd think it is.

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Alina's interview on the Silent Why podcast

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Alina and Judith are joined today for an interview with Dr. Denise Mandel! 

Judith has been working with Dr. Mandel for the last 16 months since Aiden died, and we can't wait to bring her insight into the grief process and compassion for grievers to all of you. In this episode, we talk about what grief therapy looks like, what is normal in grief, when and how to seek help, and tons of other super helpful information for anyone new to grieving or supporting a griever.

Dr. Mandel is a clinical psychologist and grief and loss expert who has been in private practice for 30 years. For the last 18 years since the sudden death of her own child, she has put a particular focus on the area of child loss. This includes working with individuals, couples, and families, and she also leads grief groups and teaches other facilitators to lead grief groups. It is deeply meaningful to her to help others on this difficult road figure out how to move forward in a way that honors their lost loved one and themselves.

You can reach Dr. Mandel by email at [email protected] or on Instagram at @griefwithdrdenise.

Click here for more information about Dr. Mandel's practice.

:::

We discuss suicide in this episode.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and think you may be a danger to yourself, please reach out immediately to the National Suicide Prevention hotline (800-273-8255) in the U.S.

Linked here are additional resources in the United States. Linked here are resources for Canada. Linked here are resources for the U.K. Linked here are resources for Australia. Linked here are global resources.

You are not alone.

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Aiden is 1 | As Long As I'm Living

- Crisis of Faith | As Long As I'm Living

- Grief Haven

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

An episode about feeling happy, recorded together in person! Alina came to DC to meet Judith's new baby girl. We talk parenting after loss, watching your friend have a new alive baby, grieving together in a marriage, and the complicated feelings we have about being happy.

In case the title doesn't make it obvious, we do want to note that Judith's alive baby daughter is somewhat prominently featured in this episode, both in the content we discuss and in the background noises she makes. Definitely skip this one if that will be triggering. xo

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Sad Dads Club | As Long As I'm Living

- Grieving Together, an Interview with Aiden's Dad | As Long As I'm Living

- Raw and real episodes: Alina's Bad Day, November 30th, December 1st, Into the Planets, Big Feelings, Happy Days

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

This is not the episode we had planned for this week, but we are outraged at today's Supreme Court decision to overrule Roe v. Wade and terrified for the wide-reaching effects it may have on many areas of reproductive health, including but not limited to:

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Calamity, an Interview about Race and Infant Loss with Emy Collins, Bash's Mom

- TFMR is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom, Jill

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Today on the podcast, we are going to be talking race, and specifically how race is unfortunately a factor in maternal and fetal health outcomes.

We are joined by Emy Collins, whose child Bash died at 15 days old in 2018 after an extraordinarily medically mismanaged pregnancy, delivery, and NICU stay. If Emy's is one of the only stories you've heard from a Black birthing person in the infant loss space, well, that makes sense, because the voices in this space are overwhelmingly white. You might also be tempted to dismiss her story as anecdotal, but the numbers don't lie.

The national maternal mortality rate in the U.S. – death of a person during their pregnancy or within one year of delivery from causes related to the pregnancy – for white birthing people is 12.7 per 100,000 live births (0.0127%). Black birthing people die at a rate of 40.8 per 100,000 live births (0.0408%). This means a Black pregnant person is 3.2 times more likely to die.

The national infant mortality rate in the U.S. – death of an infant that was born alive before their first birthday – for white babies is 4.6 per 1,000 live births (0.46%). Black babies die at a rate of 10.8 per 1,000 live births (1.08%). This means a Black infant is 2.3x more likely to die.

There are myriad social and economic factors driving these abysmal health outcomes for Black people, but it is crucial to be aware that historic and ongoing racism and discrimination also drive these outcomes.

Emy refers to this as a calamity, and we couldn't agree more. 

Every Mother Counts has a great list of additional resources here, and organizations like Black Mamas Matter are working on these issues, but we have a long way to go.

Emy is @theaudacityofloss on Instagram.

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Juneteenth

- TFMR is Baby Loss, an Interview with Hadley's Mom Jill | As Long As I'm Living podcast

- NEC: necrotizing enterocolitis

- Sisters in Loss

- Black Mamas Matter

- Empty Arms

- Emy's (FREE) POC support group through Empty Arms

- Fridamom

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

In this episode, the Sad Dads take some time to talk about Father's Day as a bereaved dad. They have some wonderful words of wisdom, and we think any bereaved parent will relate to their feelings about this sensitive day. Listen all the way to the end for some bonus content from all 5 of us!

We (Judith and Alina) and the Sad Dads (Jay, Chris, and Rob) are wishing all of our listeners a gentle Father's Day.

You can find the Sad Dads on Instagram @sad.dads.club or online at saddadsclub.com.

Other resources for sad dads: Dads Still Standing podcast, Still Parents podcast, TFMR papas, GrievingDads.com, Partners Grieve Too (RTZ Hope), /r/Daddit thread about infant loss.

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

It's Father's Day week, and while our listeners know we have a LOT to say, being a loss father is not a topic we feel qualified to speak on. Enter the Sad Dads!

Rob, Chris, and Jay are three friends living in Maine who lost their daughters Lila, Izzy, and Bella to stillbirth. They quickly formed a deep bond over beers and tears, and, from the ashes of stillbirth, the Sad Dads Club was born. Since then, they have welcomed 5 happy, healthy living kids into the world. They have also met and bonded with other Sad Dads, and together they're navigating life after one of the most extraordinarily painful experiences that a parent can endure. It’s the worst club in the world, but the membership is the best.

We (Judith and Alina) have deliberately kept our voices out of this episode for the most part. We want to take a step back and center dads this week. We have another episode with the Sad Dads coming for you on Sunday: Father's Day.

You can find the Sad Dads on Instagram @sad.dads.club or online at saddadsclub.com.

Other resources for sad dads: Dads Still Standing podcast, Still Parents podcast, TFMR papas, GrievingDads.com, Partners Grieve Too (RTZ Hope), /r/Daddit thread about infant loss.

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

- Dads Still Standing podcast

- Dopey Podcast (and the episode about Chris's death, here)

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

What do an owl, a rainbow, and Andy Grammer's brother-in-law have in common? They are all signs that either Judith or Alina has encountered since their sons died last year. Listen to this episode to hear more about signs from their babies... thank you Aiden and Quinn!

:::

Things we talk about in this episode:

@iwassupposedtohaveababy (Instagram)

Crisis of Faith | As Long As I'm Living

Our Interview with Jill, Hadley's Mom | As Long As I'm Living

:::

Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.