As Long As I'm Living

Carol McMurrich is the founder and director of Empty Arms Bereavement Support in western Massachusetts, and she is also a mom of 5. Her first daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor in 2003, and she went on to have 4 more living children. She is one of the first people Alina reached out to after Quinn died, and she met her with an extraordinary amount of compassion and care. 

In this interview, we talk about how to support the newly bereaved, discuss common threads Carol has witnessed throughout over a decade of working with bereaved parents, and reflect on support groups and their important purpose in the grief process.

A content note: this episode does not contain anything more explicit about infant death than our normal podcast fare. But, if you would like to hear more of Carol and Charlotte's backstory, we've released it as a separate episode. Please take good care of yourself and know that if you would find discussion of the circumstances of Charlotte's birth too triggering, we honor your needs and ask that you skip that episode and only listen to this one. Judith, Alina, and Carol all understand the importance of setting boundaries around what comes into your eyes and ears after loss.

Empty Arms provides education for healthcare providers, offers support in the hospital setting for newly bereaved parents, and continues with ongoing support as parents integrate the loss into their lives. Ongoing support groups include infant loss, miscarriage and early pregnancy loss, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), twin loss (while parenting a surviving twin), infertility and loss, pregnancy after loss, parenting after loss, support for dads and non-gestational partners, and a brand new group for people of color in the Springfield, MA area in recognition of the unique challenges faced by this demographic.

Click here to learn more about Empty Arms!

Thank you all for listening! You can reach Carol at [email protected].

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Click to hear Carol's other episode:

Charlotte's Story

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Things we talk about in this episode:

As Long As I'm Living - The Episode Is Stuffed!

Empty Arms support group and events calendar

Alina and Quinn's story for Empty Arms

Click here to support Team Quinn at the Syrup Stampede fundraiser for Empty Arms

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

In May of 2003, Carol McMurrich was due any day with her first child, a daughter. Sadly, her introduction to motherhood wasn't as blissful as you might expect, because her daughter, Charlotte Amelia, died during labor. Listen to this bonus episode to hear Charlotte's story, and to hear some background on why Carol was moved to found Empty Arms Bereavement Support a few years later to help parents survive the unsurvivable.

A content note: this episode contains more explicit discussion of infant death than our normal podcast fare, which is why we have released it as a second bonus episode. Please take good care of yourself and know that if you would find the circumstances of Charlotte's death during labor too triggering, we honor your needs and ask that you skip this one and only listen to the more typical interview with Carol, which is linked below. Judith, Alina, and Carol all understand the importance of setting boundaries around what comes into your eyes and ears after loss.

Thank you all for listening! You can reach Carol at [email protected].

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Click to hear Carol's other episode:

Empty Arms, an Interview with Carol McMurrich

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Things we talk about in this episode:

Empty Arms Bereavement Support

Alina and Quinn's story for Empty Arms

Click here to support Team Quinn at the Syrup Stampede fundraiser for Empty Arms

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

The Starling is the only piece of media out there that features a SIDS death, so Judith and Alina wanted to see what all the fuss is about. Spoiler: they didn't like it. They also talk about the way grief and loss are portrayed in the media in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

SPOILERS for And Just Like That... (HBO), The Starling (Netflix), and WandaVision (Disney+) ahead.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

And Just Like That... | new Sex and the City reboot

The Starling | Netflix original movie starring Chris O'Dowd and Melissa McCarthy

What is grief, if not love persevering? | clip from Wandavision

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Judith and Alina talk about the magnitude of love they feel for Aiden and for Quinn. Is it just puppy love? Will they feel more deeply for their other (hopefully living) children?

They also talk a little about the other kind of puppy love... love for their pups! Special shoutout to Judith's dog, Rosie, and Alina's cats, Miguel and Tulio. Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a special treat: Judith accidentally recorded an hour of her and her dog at the dog park, from her pocket. We put a couple of minutes in here for you because it's so darn cute.

Note: despite the title, we do not talk about romantic love at all in this episode. If you need a break from Valentine's Day content, we are here for you!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

Peeking Out of the Hole -- As Long As I'm Living

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

We have another very special guest episode for you! While Alina was in DC, we somehow managed to convinced Aiden's dad (Judith's husband) to sit down and chat with us about what it's like to grieve as a married couple and how it feels to live in a world that barely even acknowledges bereaved moms and tends to leave dads out of the picture. Alina and Judith grieve in similar ways, but Aiden's dad grieves very differently. If you hear us ramble on this podcast about our feelings for an hour a week and absolutely can't relate, this episode is for you! (Although we would argue it's for everyone.)

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Judith and Alina record an episode together in DC! They talk about what it feels like to be just sliiiiiiiightly off the bottom, peeking over the top of the hole they dropped into last winter when their sons died.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

In honor and recognition of the anniversary of Quinn's death, Alina (and Judith) reflect on what one year of grief, Year 1 of Grief, has looked like. 

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Alina's One Year of Grief instagram video

- Rings model for grief support, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

This is a big hard week (in a big hard month in a big hard year) for Alina, so we're taking a break from regular episodes so that she can focus on remembering Quinn and taking care of herself. Please enjoy some audio that we've held onto from past episodes! We love this content and are glad it is going to see the light of day.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

How would you describe grief to an outsider? Is it a button in a box? Is it a series of rainbow rings? Is it balls in jars of various sizes? Is it 5 stages? We discuss some of the most common visualizations for grief and decide which is our favorite. We also talk some more about Alina's hard month, and Judith orders Alina dinner. 

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Megan Devine's repost of our instagram!

- Stages of Grief model, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

- Growing Around Grief (Ball in Jar) model, Lois Tonkin

- Growing Around Grief (Rainbow) model, adapted from Lois Tonkin

- Ball and Grief Button in Box model, Lauren Herschel

- Rings model for grief support, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Judith and Alina discuss the preparation they've done in the past for hard days. They also look ahead to January, which will be a very challenging month for Alina in particular, and she expects to disappear into the planets soon, as Judith calls it. Send food!

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

Donate to Empty Arms Bereavement Support in Quinn's name

Empty Arms Website

Robert's Program for Unexpected Death in Childhood

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.