"You knew your body would change after having a baby, but you weren't prepared for how it would look with empty arms and heart broken." <-- These words from Unexpected Family Outing stuck with Alina from the first time she saw this post the month after Quinn died, and that's what today's episode is about.

The childbearing years are hard on everyone's bodies, but it's especially difficult when the baby, the one who is supposed to make it all worth it, dies.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Quinn would have turned three last week, and Alina live podcasted for the lead up to and day of his birthday.

He was born, and then he died. And it's fucked up. He should be here.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- The reel Alina made about searching for a birthday card appropriate for a dead 3-year-old

- Quinn is 3

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Meet Dr. Heather Florescue, an OBGYN out of Rochester, NY. She's a mom of 3 (triplets!) and an advocate for better care for patients who experience baby loss.

Listen to this episode to hear all about how she found her niche in obstetrics, what it's like to tell a patient their baby died, and how she educates OBGYNs to provide better care for these patients.

Next week's episode will be a continuation of this conversation, where we talk about patient empowerment, care during a stillbirth or TFMR delivery, and pregnancy after loss.

You can find Dr. Florescue on Instagram!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Star Legacy Foundation and Summit

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Hi friends! We are fresh off of our 2023 grief retreat, where we cried, laughed, swam, reminisced, ate snacks, lit candles, danced, drank beer, and grieved. This episode features audio we recorded live from the retreat. In it, we chat about why we go on this trip every year, reveal who composed our transition music (they're legitimately famous), talk about how we incorporate our boys into everyday life, and more. Enjoy!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Our crowdsourced playlist! (Thank you, Instagram community!)

- Heitor Pereira

- Carrie Soto is Back

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Quinn's Mom got married! It was both amazing and a total emotional shitshow.

Listen to hear how wedding morning went, and stay until the end to hear the most beautiful speech ever from the bride's son's best friend's mother, Judith.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

This is an episode for you to listen to when you're on the floor. For when you're so sad, you can barely function. For when you're staring into the void, at the debris of your broken life. We have been there, and as we record this we are there right now. You are not alone.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- All There Is | Grateful for Grief (Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert)

- Comethru, by Jeremy Zucker featuring Bea Miller

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

All we really want in life is simple: an alive family and a place to call home. Somehow, we can't manage to make it happen.

We're back in the washing machine, and the loose threads of our broken dreams are getting stuck in the lint catcher... or something like that (you'll have to pardon our metaphors).

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- "It only hurts this much right now" is what I've been saying the whole time. - Labyrinth, Taylor Swift (and our Instagram post about it)

- ALAIL | Egg(s) on my Face

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

You know that voice in your head that says, "It's been long enough now... time to get over it" when you're having a bad grief day? Well, Alina heard that voice out loud from someone in real life, and we have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about it.

We are sick of grieving. We are sick of living this life after our babies' lives ended. We are sick of being affected daily -- no, hourly -- by the trauma of holding our beloved sons' dead bodies. But apparently the people in our lives are sick of it too.

Apologies for Aiden and Quinn making SO MUCH NOISE throughout this episode. (But hi, boys!)

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

We're trying something a little different this week on As Long As I'm Living... This is a day in the life! We recorded all of our phone conversations for a day, and Alina spliced them together into this only moderately coherent podcast episode. It's a little chaotic, but truthfully that's because our brains are chaotic! We talk about tons of very real stuff and a bunch of nonsense. We hope you enjoy!

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.