As Long As I'm Living

Hi there! Alina live podcasted her Christmas Day. A lucky few of you listened live (hello!), but she's since edited this down to something a little more coherent.

Sending holiday season love to anyone celebrating or avoiding celebrating.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at @aslongasimlivingpodcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit us at anchor.fm/aslongasimliving! We would love to hear from you!

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Today on the podcast, we're honoring Judith's birthday (today!) by talking about how hard it is to celebrate another year without your baby.

Getting another year older when your baby never will is a tough pill to swallow. Listen to hear our thoughts on our birthdays and others after our babies died.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Bustle's article: "The Birthday Blues are a Real Thing"

- ALAIL | An Incomparable Loss, an interview with Miranda's Mom Christine

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠⁠, send us an email at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠, or visit us at ⁠⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠⁠! We would love to hear from you!

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As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

We're joined on the podcast again today by Rabbi Nissan Antine.

In this episode, we talk about what a clergyperson or rabbi does when they arrive at the scene of a death. We also talk about the difference between grief and mourning.

Do you know a clergyperson of a different faith that you'd like to see us interview for the podcast? Please let us know ⁠here⁠!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Trauma, Blah Blah Blah

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠⁠, send us an email at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠, or visit us at ⁠⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Today on the podcast, we're welcoming our first clergyperson, Rabbi Nissan Antine.

In this episode, we talk about Rabbi Antine's role when a loved one dies and discuss the laws and structures that Judaism puts in place to support those who are mourning.

Do you know a clergyperson of a different faith that you'd like to see us interview for the podcast? Please let us know here!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Tefillin

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

(i carry it in my heart)

In this episode, we talk about how we keep Quinn and Aiden alive in our hearts and homes. This is one of the ways that we continue to parent our boys, and it feels like an important part of our life's work to make sure their memory doesn't die with them.

Do you have a special way or ways you include your baby in your life? We'd love to hear about it!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Aiden's grave suncatchers

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

We'd like to be a little less strong, but unfortunately we are still flexing our resilience muscles every single day.

We're heading into whatever fresh hell this new week has in store for us, armed with antidepressants, candles, and the new perspective granted to us by the loss. Join us!

P.S. The internet was not our friend during this recording. Apologies for the pure chaos that unfolds as we tried to record a simple life update!

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- Judith's anxiety meditation

- Ten Percent Happier app (Alina's link - 30 days free!)

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

"Mortui Vivos Docent" is Latin for the Dead Teach the Living, and it's also the TikTok handle of autopsy tech (and first responder) Ephina Disinger.

We are joined again today by Ephina and her coworker and friend chief deputy coroner Caroline Hanau. If you missed our first interview with Ephina and Caroline, you can find it here.

We have included an explicit content warning at the beginning of this episode, which we never do, because not everyone wants to hear about the ins and outs of dissecting a dead body. Please take good care of yourself and only listen if this interests you (as it does us), and remember that you can stop listening at any time.

You can find Ephina on TikTok.

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Things we talk about in this episode:

- The Last Responders, part one of our interview with Ephina and Caroline

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

How many guests have we hosted on As Long As I'm Living podcast? What is the only US state that we've never had a listener from? What is the name of the episodes where we talk about body image, grief in the media, or traveling while bereaved?

We quiz each other on these questions, and many more, in this special anniversary episode of As Long As I'm Living podcast! We're so glad you're here.

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You can find all of the old episodes we talk about HERE!

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

We are joined today by paramedic and autopsy technician Ephina Disinger and her coworker and friend chief deputy coroner Caroline Hanau.

If you had told us 3 years ago that we'd be interviewing experts in infant autopsy after our sons' sudden deaths... well, we wouldn't believe you. But we can't tell you just how HEALING this conversation was, not to mention fascinating.

Infants are not supposed to die. In this episode, we talk to Ephina and Caroline about the process of investigating why the death happened, whether there was foul play involved, and what it means for the rest of the family still alive.

This interview is not for everyone. We have included an explicit content warning at the beginning of this episode, which we never do, because not everyone wants to hear about the ins and outs of dissecting a dead body. That said, Ephina and Caroline spoke with such reverence and grace for their role as the voice of the voiceless, the dead. They treat the babies who come into their care with dignity, love, and care. Please take good care of yourself and only listen if this interests you (as it does us), and remember that you can stop listening at any time.

You can find Ephina on ⁠TikTok⁠.

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Follow As Long As I'm Living on Instagram at ⁠@aslongasimlivingpodcast⁠, send us an email at ⁠[email protected]⁠, or visit us at ⁠anchor.fm/aslongasimliving⁠! We would love to hear from you!

:::

As Long As I'm Living is a podcast about life, love, and laughter after infant loss. Judith and Alina are rebuilding Happier Ever After one day at a time despite excruciating grief and trauma and offering support to grievers of all flavors, but especially those who have lost a baby to SIDS, infant death, birth accidents, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, or miscarriage.

Sometimes we're able to zoom out and see a pattern in our grief... The worst weeks -- the ones where we're on the floor, sobbing, hating our lives -- are typically followed by time where we feel so joyful and happy to be alive.

Do you notice this patten in your grief?

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