freakti common wealth

its because want the place to be absorbed in to the common wealth   very freakti monious  at this point i cant believe my eyes

when my mother died, i went to live with my grandfather. i was about 8 years old. when i went to live with my grandfather, i didnt do well in school. my mother had just passed away. i remember i started skipping school.  also, during that time my grandfather became physically abusive and slapped me across the face when i did something i wasnt supposed to do. granted, what i did, i wasnt supposed to do,  but his response was to slap me.  i fell on the bed after he hit me. shortly after that happened, i moved into foster care. that was pretty much the last time i actually saw my grandfather. i saw him a couple of other times but for a short period of time.  also during the short time i lived with my grandfather, i remember reaching out to a cousin i had who lived in austin at the time.  i was like 8 years old but i was wanted to spend time with the family member. the problem is , that family member was a heavy drug user. so they offered to sell me drugs and they asked me to ask some of my friends if they wanted drugs.  remember, i was 8 years old and was living with my grandfather, etc.  so, i asked some of my friends if they wanted any drugs and a couple of them agreed to it. at this point, i had never tried any drugs myself. but anyway, i told my family member a couple of my friends wanted drugs. and guess what happened, my family member drove all the way from austin to where i was to give me the drugs. i dont remember how long the family member stayed.  anyway, the next day at school, i gave the drugs to my 2 friends. and guess what happened. the 2 friends told their parents that they were given drugs by me, and guess what happened next. the school was told about it and then sent a police officer to ask me about the situation. and it wasnt until i saw the police officer that i realized it was considered drug sales and things like that. so, the only thing that happened to me was that they put me in one handcuff and then let me go.  but anyway, i was skipping school and because of that they tried to tell me that my grades were slipping and that i had to take classes over or whatever. anyway, i wound up moving to a different school district.  in the next school district i didnt care about school either i guess.  now that i have been homeless on and off for ten years,  looks like to get housing the only way someone will qualify for housing is if they have a disability i guess.   i dont have any registered disabilities but according to the voucher system, i have enough of some kind of issue to get housing.  it says on the voucher that it is for formerly disabled homeless invidividuals. but i dont have a registered disability. so, i asked them how i was able to get the voucher, but they didnt explain how.  they gave me a "working diagnosis" of an "unspecified stress disorder".    i thought i would qualify for housing simply because i have been homeless for a long time, but they threw in the term disability on the voucher.  so, i told them, i was not sure how i would qualify for a voucher based on that.  

i dont think you realize that people who are molested as a child in their households are basically trafficked.  i was molested for several years in secret by my brother and it led to rape. by my brother. rape in the anus, people.  he would take me in to closets or do things when my mother was away at work. at one place where we lived, there was a secret kind of a room , im not sure what it was for because i was very young, but it was a door that led to some room that was in the walls of the house. i dont remember everything that would happen because it happened for several years. i did not have a choice because my brother would take me places and follow me around the house daily for those kinds of things. as far as i can remember nothing resembling intercourse happened until i was raped in the anus. then i went to the school and reported what happened. i was too embarrased to tell them i was raped in the anus, so they thought i was saying i was raped the other way.  looking back on the situation, since i could not escape my brother, it was like being trafficked for years as a child. i dont remember most of what happened but there are a couple of things that i remember vividly that were very much sexual.  one time i was on a phone call and my brother did something to me that is not really something i can describe here, or i dont want to. but the person i was talking to on the phone thought what was happening in the background sounded suspicious. yes, you can use your imagination.   there are family members that i have that , when i was older, told me that my brother had sexually molested them and they suspected he was doing those things to me. i dont know if he raped anyone else.   i was in foster care after my mother passed away until i was 18. i think sometime when i was in highschool, looking back, i would say i now can see signs of when a mental health struggle began.  it wouldnt have just been the sexual abuse for years but then i was transitioned into foster care where i was just kind of not given anything including enough clothes. i wasnt allowed to use a computer at the house. the foster parent was screaming daily at everyone in the house about anything really.  i dont remember much about high school but i do remember sneaking out a lot but i didnt ever really go anywhere but the driveway and i wasnt a drug addict.  i experimented with marijuana i think once and flipped out. didnt use it again.  i also eventually was able to get online somehow and managed to buy some herb or seeds of some kind that were drugs , i took those and went through a terrible situation and never did anything like that again. i think it changed me for the worse after i did the seeds or whatever they were. my personality definitely changed after that.   anyway  i see years as a child victim of sexual molestation and eventually rape as similar to trafficking.  there are a lot of people all over the world that are probably in similar situations with family members preying on children and taking them in to dark rooms and corners where no one knows they are being molested or raped.   i always wondered if my brother would rape or molest his own children.  

i just planned to live here and move on then i realize the native american people are trying to turn themselves into reality tv shows i guess people want to be on tv you are about to get to know 6000 + coastal salish people because of the port  that is the last thing i expected to hear i just am cool with the acknowledgement before you go judge realize its supposedly a first i think there is a good reason it hasnt happened before 

i took the first apartment i could get and it basically is like the kind of apartment that is the first apartment you could get its not very good 

i thought i would have been moved by november of last year but that didnt happen  

at this point i would still live in idaho if it wasnt for the abortion laws