Ask Aimee Zak

Dear Ask Aimee Zak:

 I’ve fallen off the track on so many things in 2020. I’m having a hard time getting motivated. Any tips on getting started in 2021?

~ Everyone in 2020

All right, what a great question for me to kick of Ask Aimee Zak in 2021! If you are someone that CANNOT relate to this question then most likely you are part of the minority. As I mentioned in the intro, this is my first episode since August, so I’m raising my hand as someone that can absolutely relate. Well…I’m actually raising both hands, and my feet. The podcast isn’t the only thing I’ve dropped off on. I’ve dropped off on exercising – doing my jazzercising and playing soccer, which feed my soul with health AND community. I’ve dropped off on meditating. I’ve dropped off on eating well…reading, creating…and other things that uplift my mind, body, soul. 

Why? Well, we all have reasons why we do things. But we need to differentiate between a “reason” and an “excuse”...

Dear Ask Aimee Zak,
With everything covid-related happening, my mind is so agitated. What can I do to calm it down?
~ EVERYONE  

Oooh! Mind agitation. This is definitely one of the things that the majority of people might be experiencing. Seriously – we are genuinely all in this together, but at the same time…isolated. Usually mind agitation comes from being stuck within our isolated mind - overwhelmed with a bunch of thoughts and things, and things and thoughts.

Some of these things and thoughts are not necessarily serious or traumatic. But, thanks to covid, and all it entails, ALL that it has created, mentally, emotionally, financially, relationally – there has been more serious and traumatic things and thoughts agitating the mind and body...and it’s not something that a person can just let pass naturally - there has to be a conscious effort towards helping the mind agitation to pass. There has to be a conscious practice of some kind to calm and nurture that agitation. 

I will give you some simple tips… 

Dear Ask Aimee Zak,

We just found out that school will begin online. How can I make sure my child gets what she needs and doesn’t fall behind?

- a concerned Parent

My short answer for this question is: your child will not fall behind as long as you do five things: 

1) Hold yourself accountable as to what you’re putting out to your children and the universe, 
2) Focus on LIFE SKILLS, 
3) Teach about Emotional Intelligence, also known as EQ,
4) Get your child’s customized educational plan in order and, 
5) Organize your thoughts and bucket lists for all of the above. 

I am going to walk you through one way to do that at the end…so click play to hear all about it...

(Feel free to sing along to Hamilton's "You'll Be Back":)
You say
You want to hangout but don’t want to stand six feet away
But why
Won’t you wear your mask, no matter how much I ask, so goodbye!
Why debate?
Let’s just say that we’ll play when this COVID19 goes away
We’re going mad!

Ok, I could go on and on making lyrics on this topic, PLUS it’s so fun to sing the king song from Hamilton (da da da da Da!). Oh, if only we all could communicate through musicals – would we ever really have conflict? Think about it. 

Today’s question is about COVID, Kids, and Hanging out. Here we go… 

Dear Aimee Zak, 
Can you share how to explain to your kids that each family is dealing with this Pandemic differently and not to take it personally when a percentage of their friends can’t play or interact?
 ~ a concerned parent

This one goes out to the ladies, who always end up the crazies. Ok, maybe not crazy, but that’s the word that went best with my rap. Seriously though - do you – or your friends – attract intense men? You know the ones that sweep you off your feet and make you feel amazing…until suddenly it does not and everything goes dark? Every woman in the world has the potential to be courted by a man like this. But every woman can also be prepared to look for the signs that something is not right. This next question and answer will help you to do that. Already married and haven’t dated in a decade? Well, have a listen and see if you ever dated a guy like this…

Today’s question is: Dear Aimee Zak,
I know quite a few beautiful and intelligent woman that got sucked into an abusive relationship and are re-building their lives and it seems like nobody really saw it coming. I have joked with them that we needed a class in high school on how to recognize personality disorders. What are the signs, and how can they recognize the signs sooner? 

Red flags. Signs and red flags. They show up, and we miss them until they are slapping us in the face and we find ourselves in an abusive relationship. Education on how to see these signs is serious, so I’m glad you brought it up! As you requested , welcome to your class. Better late than never...

Raising a child during the teen years can feel maddening. Stress and worry levels increase without much awareness or compassion from the culprit. This episode talks about how to set boundaries in a way that focus on the process of being a good human with the technique of creative repetition. 

Dear Aimee Zak,
Do you have any tips for parents as far as boundary setting and follow through with teenagers? – about to pull my hair out in CA

I have a two-part answer to this. The first part is to talk about ways that you can generally set a boundary and also support your teenager with following through. The second part is what to do when they go rogue and rebel. 

We spend our entire lives developing our character, who we are. It is devastating when one person's fear of living in the truth influences them to tell a lie that attacks that character, especially when it's someone you truly care about. This episode talks about types of lies, the importance of character preservation, and how both of those affect relationships and internal peace. 

Dear Ask Aimee Zak,
A family member lied to me. A really close family member. This person had lied a bunch in the past, but this time the lie attacked my character whereas all the other lies didn't really impact me. I completely cut this person off after trying to call and text to work it out. Now we haven't spoken in 3 years. I just can't go back to a relationship where there is lying. Am I wrong?
- Betrayed in SD

Have you had some major changes in your household dynamics while adjusting to this new normal? (Duh, right?). Well, as you suspected, you are not alone. Even therapists such as myself need support to find the balance! There are many things to consider when finding your new rhythm and keeping your family ecosystem thriving. Today's question offers some insight on how to do that:

Dear Aimee Zak,
Any advice for struggling with resentment towards a husband who is living his best life in quarantine working out and gardening while the wife works full time and keeps up with kids homeschooling? Asking for a friend.
~ helpless in Cali

Hello, welcome to the longest episode I will probably ever do. Today's question is:

"What is the best way to talk to your children about what’s happening in our country right now?"

Sometimes a question needs a more in-depth answer. And teaching our children about racism, white privilege, and #BlackLivesMatter is possibly one of the most important things we can do for this decade. It's time to end a systemic learning that's over 400 years old. Each generation unlearns it a little more. This episode walks you through my own personal experiences with racism, as well as shares profound advice on how to teach your kids based on how we are teaching ours. Special thanks to my black friends and associates shared their insight and support!

Todays question is the first of the COVID QUESTIONS SERIES. There's no doubt that people as a whole have been affected by this pandemic - mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, and relationally...in big ways and little ways. Today we focus on our high school grads and how we can support them.

Dear Aimee Zak,
Do you have any advice for high school seniors to have the most fulfilling graduation experience since no option is really exciting?!
~ A loving parent

"I know this might sound weird. But the first step looks nothing like a celebration..."