How shameful that only recently I have started to glimpse the impact racism has had on this country, on my friends, and how much I have benefitted from it. This is a time for me to listen, to understand. But I would feel remiss in having a platform and audience such as this podcast and not address and question what I can. 

Let's please learn. Let's have a dialogue. Let's get super uncomfortable and begin to realize. 

I humbly offer this episode as my best effort to understand and to acknowledge the reality that so many of my loved ones have known their whole lives. 

Turns out that having a significant amount of advanced education doesn't prevent you from your biggest enemy - yourself. For years I believed I had a mysterious illness, some obscure allergy or imbalance. This episode highlights that story and gently (and safely) discussed how we can be a bit healthier during this crazy time. COVID may bring a lot of changes, but we yet have control. 

10 years ago what were you doing? Who were you? What did you believe to be true? 

If you could have known all that would happen in 10 years, all that would change, that version of you would never believe it. The amount of change just seems too great. That's true for almost all of us. Let's hack that. If that amount of change from the previous 10 years is an indicator, imagine how much can change in the next 10.

In this episode I discuss how that thinking can completely change your mindset and help you set goals that are worthy of who you truly are.

COVID has opened a door that many of us would rather keep closed - a peek into our own mindset. What we do, what we want to do, and what we believe about our capabilities. Some of us were ready, most got caught off guard. We didn't realize what we believed, we hadn't taken the time. 
As an addict myself, I am reminded of a similarity. An addict engages in behavior that they don't want to engage in but they do so anyway. They need that relief, that fix, that dose of numbing from reality. I have come to realize that so many of us had been doing just that: engaging in behaviors and lifestyles that we didn't want and wished to change, but we just kept coming back for that fix. That, to me, sounds like addictive behavior. 
Quarantine has blown the hinges off of that and we are all left standing, looking upon the life we didn't want to lead. And now we have some questions...

"I feel like I've been running and running, pushing myself to my breaking point, and suddenly when COVID happened it's like someone pulled a blindfold off of my eyes I didn't know I was wearing. I realized I'd been running but I didn't know where I was." I said that when I realized I'd been pushing like hell in a direction I wasn't sure I actually wanted to run. Anyone else?
Now is a chance to gain clarity, to gain understanding. To start asking some questions. Has your life direction been correct? Does it need a slight tweak? A major course correction?
Mine did. I own that and am now pointed exactly where I want to be. But that wasn't by accident, and it certainly wasn't without a struggle.

We just got blindsided, and we are reacting. Some are pulling the covers up higher to block it out, some are pushing themselves to the breaking point. Most of us don't know what the hell to do so we are waiting for direction. Without grace and compassion we risk self destruction. With creating excuses for ourselves we risk leaving our lives on the table to be lived another day. Neither of those is wrong, or right, they just are. Finding the balance is the path. 

What do you want said at your funeral? And how much of it will be true?
What will your legacy be? How will you be remembered?
Far from easy questions, and yet, if we don't look at them soon enough we will realize that we find the answer only when it is too late. No thanks. I've seen too many people in their final years/days only then realizing their purpose and to then feel the crush of realizing it is too late to actually fulfill it. 

Love makes us dumb. Love makes us cry. Love makes us impossible. And yet, we do it anyway. Turns out, despite the stupidity of it all, love is pretty groovy. 

As we walk this path of life we are witness to the joining and the departure of so many. As those who leave us find their time, we are left sometimes questioning, sometimes suffering. At times the only thing you know to do is to hold a trembling hand and sing a song. To find a new language. To hold space. And then, to be alone.

In anything but a smooth and seamless journey, the path to forgiveness has always involved pain and suffering. In this, the biggest lesson to date, indeed there were bumps along the road. But dying has a way of changing people.

Dedicated to all of those I have yet to forgive, including perhaps myself. Maybe the lessons learned and path forward resonates?