Attachment Theory w/Aubrie Sellers: The Podcast

Aubrie kicks off Season 2 from New York City with a question: what does it actually mean to be emotionally met? She gets into why sharing your feelings can sometimes leave you lonelier than saying nothing, what emotional intelligence looks like during an uncomfortable conversation, and why being highly sensitive doesn't automatically mean you know how to communicate.

Drawing on Running on Empty, she walks through four steps for understanding a feeling before acting on it: identify, accept, attribute, and act. She also talks about her own sensitivity to last-minute changes, how to take a pause without leaving your partner hanging, and what mutual effort looks like when you're used to initiating every conversation and arranging every repair. Plus an idea for “Attachment Theory After Hours” on TikTok Live, and an invitation to help shape what comes next.

New Album Attachment Theory Out Now

Aubrie Sellers Substack

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

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The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron — navigating relationships when you feel everything more deeply. Amazon

Running on Empty by Jonice Webb, with Christine Musello — understanding childhood emotional neglect and learning to recognize and express what you feel. Amazon

Calming the Emotional Storm by Sheri Van Dijk — practical skills for working through intense emotions and choosing how you respond. Amazon

Relationship OCD by Sheva Rajaee — for the anxious, intrusive doubts that show up even when nothing's wrong. Amazon

Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller — the gold-standard intro to attachment theory and the best place to start. Amazon

I Am by Anya Lincoln — identity work for dismantling the false beliefs you hold about yourself. Amazon

Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford — reframing a breakup as something that came to teach you. Amazon

Aubrie closes out Season 1 with the song that ties the whole record together. In a culture that sells self-sufficiency as strength, she makes the case that the need for attachment isn't neediness, it's our nature. She gets into why chronic disconnection carries a mortality risk comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, how co-regulation lets your nervous system borrow calm from the people around you, and why the myth that you have to fully heal alone before you're allowed to be loved is wrong. She breaks down the difference between co-dependence, losing yourself in someone, and interdependence, knowing who you are and still choosing them. Plus a happy announcement about the future of this podcast and the launch of Aubrie's Substack.

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

Aubrie unpacks the myth of "the one," the version of love we've been sold by movies and fairy tales, and why it sets overthinkers up to walk away from real, healthy partnerships. Drawing from Sheva Rajaee's Relationship OCD and research from the Gottmans, she breaks down what Relationship OCD actually is, how to tell the difference between a real concern and an anxious intrusive thought, why ROCD tends to spike at moments of intimacy and commitment instead of during actual incompatibility, and why anxiety so often dresses up as intuition. For You is about learning to choose someone wholeheartedly even when certainty isn't on the table.

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

Aubrie opens up about being a highly sensitive person, what it actually means, the biology behind it, and how it has shaped her in love. Drawing from Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, she walks through the real, measurable wiring difference that affects roughly 15 to 20% of people (sensory processing sensitivity), the fixer trap HSPs fall into when they can feel the wound underneath someone's unavailable behavior, and the quieter trap of shrinking yourself to fit a partner who can't hold your depth. 

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

Aubrie replays the first episode of "Attachment Theory" for new listeners while she’s on tour in Switzerland. Stay tuned for a new episode next week!

In the first episode of Attachment Theory, Aubrie examines dating apps, noncommittal patterns, and the disappearing moral code of modern dating. From swipe culture and emotional unavailability to the rise of situationships and ghosting, she explores how today’s dating systems reward detachment and keep many people stuck in cycles of confusion and self-doubt.

Blending personal experience with attachment theory, this episode looks at why wounded attachment styles flock to apps, how chemistry can be confused with anxiety, and what it actually takes to date with intention in a landscape designed for distraction.

Got a question for Aubrie? Send it in on the Attachment Theory Loveline. 

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

Aubrie zooms out on the framework that names the album and this whole show, walking through the four attachment styles before digging into the part she hasn't covered yet: the biochemistry of what's actually happening in your body when connection feels euphoric or when closeness feels overwhelming. From the cortisol and dopamine cycle that keeps anxious attachers checking their phone, to the vagus nerve freeze that pulls avoidants out of the room, Attachment Theory is about understanding why your nervous system runs the program it runs, and why, once you see the biology, the patterns stop feeling like personal failure and start feeling like a body doing exactly what it learned to do.

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

In this episode of Attachment Theory, Aubrie explores what happens when the love is real but the compatibility isn't, and how to tell the difference between something worth fighting for and something that's a mirage. From the scarcity mindset that keeps us forcing things to work, to the boundaries and self-trust that set us free, Mirage is about learning to stop being a crutch for someone else's growth and start choosing yourself. Plus, a loveline question from a listener navigating what to do when you realize the person you fell for isn't an intellectual match.

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

In this episode of Attachment Theory, Aubrie dives into the ways social media and online communication distort our connections, both with people we're dating and partners we're already with. From the concept of "hyper-personal communication" and why relationships that start online are more prone to breakups, to navigating phone privacy, secret accounts, and the boundaries we forget to set, Look Up is about what happens when we let screens mediate our most important relationships and how to start paying attention to who's actually in front of you.

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

In this episode of Attachment Theory, Aubrie examines what happens when past relationship wounds and emotional triggers take over a connection. From anxious-avoidant push-pull dynamics to the addictive cycle of “frustration attraction,” Trigger Happy explores why some relationships feel intense but unstable—and why learning to trust someone’s actions over their words can reveal whether real intimacy is possible. 

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory

In this episode of Attachment Theory, Aubrie explores the moment when you’ve seen the full picture of someone. Their wounds, their patterns, their habits, and their “little rooms,” and have to decide whether to stay or walk away.

Through attachment theory and personal reflection, this episode unpacks how to tell the difference between normal human imperfection and dynamics that slowly erode your peace. When the mystery fades and clarity sets in, how do you know if something is workable, or if it’s time to leave?

Books mentioned on Attachment Theory