AuDHD and Then Some™ | Hosted by Ellie AuDHD Capstick

This episode discusses parental alcoholism, childhood emotional abuse, violence within the home, chronic stress and unhealthy relationships. Please listen with care. When does being busy become living in survival mode? And how can the coping mechanisms that once protected us eventually lead to burnout and self-abandonment? In this episode of AuDHD and Then Some,

Ellie speaks with Lolita Guarin, bestselling author, speaker, book coach and creator of the CALM Process. Lolita grew up in Lithuania during the Soviet era in a home affected by alcoholism, fear and emotional uncertainty. She shares how that environment shaped her anxiety, hypervigilance and desire for control, and how those survival patterns continued into adulthood after she moved to America.

Together, Ellie and Lolita explore: • The difference between ordinary stress and survival mode • How childhood environments shape our adult stress responses

• Why familiar patterns can feel safer than healthy change • Self-abandonment, boundaries and rebuilding self-trust

• Why people remain loyal to behaviours and relationships that hurt them

• The practical thinking behind Lolita’s CALM Process • Limiting what causes harm and multiplying what genuinely helps

• Turning painful experiences into writing, wisdom and purpose

• Finding the courage to honour our own needs This is a vulnerable, funny and deeply insightful conversation about recognising the patterns we have inherited, asking how they are still serving us and choosing not to abandon ourselves any longer.

Connect with Lolita and explore her work: Website: https://www.beamazingyou.com/ Book a personal session with Lolita: https://beamazingyou.lpages.co/book-a-session/

Follow AuDHD and Then Some on your preferred podcast platform for more honest conversations about neurodivergence, trauma, recovery and the complicated reality of being human. :::

How can we create more connection with our children when we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and simply trying to get everyone through the day?

In this joyful and practical conversation, Ellie speaks with Craig Parks, a parenting educator, musician, former camp director and proud father of two.

Craig has spent decades working with children and training adults to bring out their best. He also shares his experience of raising a son on the autism spectrum and creating Parks Party Central, a weekly show made with his daughter.

Together, Ellie and Craig explore how the smallest moments in family life can have the greatest impact. Craig explains how our voice, presence and mindset can transform moments of stress, conflict and nagging into opportunities for play, laughter and meaningful connection.

They also discuss Craig’s Parenting A to E approach, the role of music in family life, creating fun without screens or expensive activities, and why parents don’t need to completely change their lives to strengthen their relationships with their children.

Topics include:

• Reducing stress and nagging in family life
• Building stronger relationships through ordinary moments
• Using music, ritual and play to create connection
• Parenting an autistic child
• Creating meaningful memories without spending money
• Helping children feel seen and understood
• Finding creativity when you feel exhausted
• Moving away from perfect parenting
• Craig’s Parenting A to E approach
• Simple ideas parents can try immediately

This episode is a hopeful reminder that relationships are built through the moments we already have. Small, intentional changes can create more joy, laughter and love in our homes, and over time, those moments become the relationship.

Learn more about Craig, explore Parenting A to E and receive a free resource to help deepen connection with your child:

https://www.parentingharmony.com/

Content note: This episode discusses adoption, abandonment, family estrangement and uncertainty surrounding adoption origin stories. Please listen with care if these subjects feel personal to you.

What happens when rejection from other people becomes the way we reject ourselves?

In this deeply honest and uplifting conversation, Ellie is joined by Anna Jinja Mather, an author, broadcaster and international adoptee who was born in Seoul, South Korea, and raised in Iowa.

Anna shares how adoption shaped her understanding of identity, family and belonging. She discusses the story she was given about her beginnings, the questions she now carries about its accuracy, and why she has not yet returned to Korea or taken a DNA test.

Together, Ellie and Anna explore the lasting effects of rejection and abandonment, the search for external validation, and Anna’s belief that the most damaging rejection can be the rejection we direct towards ourselves.

Anna explains what it means to “adopt and foster ourselves”, choosing to nurture our own worth, identity and potential instead of waiting for somebody else to confirm that we are lovable.

They also discuss Anna’s book, Adopting Grace, how writing became part of her healing, the families we choose, becoming a stepmother and step-grandmother, and the importance of approaching life with kindness, curiosity and humour.

Topics include:

• International and transracial adoption
• Rejection, abandonment and self-worth
• Identity and the search for belonging
• Questioning adoption origin stories
• DNA testing and the fear of changing your personal narrative
• Chosen family, step-parenting and unexpected love
• Writing as a form of healing
• Anna’s book, Adopting Grace
• Learning to adopt and foster yourself
• Choosing kindness and curiosity

This conversation is a reminder that whatever rejection you have experienced, you do not have to continue rejecting yourself. You are worthy of love, belonging and the opportunity to become the person you hope to be.

Connect with Anna Jinja:

Website:
https://www.annajinja.com/

Buy Adopting Grace on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Adopting-Grace-Anna-Jinja-ebook/dp/B0DJZPQ44K

Buy Adopting Grace through UK Bookshop:
https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/adopting-grace-anna-jinja/eb4507565923a3cd

Listen to The Anna Jinja Show:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2185315

YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheAnnaJinjaShow

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/annajinjashow/

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/annajinjashow

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/anna-jinja-mather-5440794

X:
https://x.com/annajinjashow

Content note: This episode discusses divorce, heartbreak, abandonment, grief and the emotional impact of relationship loss. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

Why do so many of us lose touch with our own needs, identity and intuition inside relationships? What happens when the relationship ends and we are forced to meet ourselves again?

In this episode of AuDHD and Then Some, Ellie speaks with relationship coach and author LiYana Silver about divorce, heartbreak, self-abandonment and rebuilding a life rooted in self-trust.

LiYana is the author of Feminine Genius and Waking Up in the Dark Night of Divorce. She has spent more than 20 years supporting individuals and couples through relationship difficulties, heartbreak and profound personal transformation.

Together, Ellie and LiYana explore why divorce can feel like a dark night of the soul and why it should not simply be treated as a failure or covered over with positive platitudes. Advice such as “everything happens for a reason” or “you will find somebody else” can create even more disconnection when what somebody truly needs is to have their pain witnessed.

LiYana explains the phases we experience during relationship loss and why grief cannot simply be rushed or skipped. They discuss the difference between trying to get over heartbreak and allowing ourselves to move through it with honesty and care.

Ellie also shares her own experiences of abandonment, rejection sensitivity and repeatedly losing herself within long-term relationships. Together, they examine the moment when rebuilding self-trust begins with one vital decision: “I will not abandon myself.”

The conversation also explores the cultural messages that teach women to be endlessly giving, selfless and responsible for everybody else’s feelings. When we become consumed by maintaining harmony, we can lose contact with what we want, need, know and feel.

Topics include:

• Divorce and relationship loss
• Heartbreak and the dark night of the soul
• The phases of grief and transformation
• Self-abandonment and rebuilding self-trust
• Abandonment fears and repeating relationship patterns
• Why positive platitudes can make grief feel lonelier
• Losing your identity within a relationship
• Women, emotional labour and cultural conditioning
• Learning to be present for yourself
• Moving romantic relationships away from the centre of life
• Creating intimacy between two people of equal worth
• Breaking generational relationship patterns

This is an honest, compassionate and frequently funny conversation about what happens when a relationship ends, the identity we thought we had begins to dissolve, and we slowly learn how to become somebody who will no longer leave themselves behind.

Connect with LiYana Silver:

Website and coaching:
https://liyanasilver.com/

Waking Up in the Dark Night of Divorce:
https://liyanasilver.com/wakingup/

Free Breakup Transformation Map:
https://liyanasilver.com/map/

Content warning: This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse within a family, suicidal thoughts and the lasting effects of trauma. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

What happens when experiences you could not speak about as a child continue to shape how you feel about yourself as an adult?

Cathy Beck joins Ellie for an open conversation about her experience of childhood sexual abuse, the memories that emerged during therapy, and the years she spent trying to understand feelings of shame and low self-worth. Ellie shares parts of her own experience too, including how difficult it can be to make sense of what you remember and what you don’t.

They talk about the silence that often surrounds sexual abuse, the complicated feelings that can come with being harmed by someone you love, and what it meant for Cathy to find a therapist she trusted. Cathy also shares how writing her memoir helped her tell her story in her own words.

Topics include:

• Childhood sexual abuse and family relationships
• Trauma, memory and self-worth
• Suicidal thoughts and seeking support
• Therapy and Internal Family Systems
• Finding your voice and writing a memoir
• Talking with children about safety and consent

This is a personal conversation about being heard, finding support and making room for a life beyond silence.

Content note: This episode discusses an accidental gunshot injury, chronic pain, PTSD, depression, divorce and the loss of a child.

What happens when an injury takes away the instrument that has always felt like part of you?

Matt Hancock grew up playing guitar. While serving in the US Army, an accidental gunshot injury left his left hand partially paralysed and changed the course of both his military career and his musical life.

In this conversation, Matt joins Ellie to talk honestly about identity, loss, PTSD and the long process of finding a new creative path. He shares how playing drums led him back to music, how he discovered synthesizers and sound design, and how those experiences shaped DECO-LUXE and his album Eventide.

They also talk about living without regret, making space for joy after painful experiences, and why nobody needs to compare their hardest days with somebody else’s.

Find Matt and DECO-LUXE: https://www.instagram.com/deco.luxe.music

Eventide is available on streaming platforms.

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, an incident involving a firearm, psychiatric hospitalisation, homelessness and mental health stigma. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

What does bipolar disorder actually feel like from the inside, and what happens when years of silently struggling finally become impossible to carry?

Dave Mowry joins Ellie to share the honest story of what he calls his fourteen lost years. Once a successful businessman with financial stability and a loving family, Dave experienced a devastating mental health breakdown that changed every part of his life. He discusses losing his businesses, experiencing homelessness, living with overwhelming anxiety and depression, and receiving a bipolar disorder diagnosis that finally helped him understand the cycles he had experienced for years.

Dave also speaks movingly about his beautiful wife, Heather, whom he describes as the hero of his story, and about the love he has for his children. Their story shows the profound effect serious mental illness can have on an entire family, but also the extraordinary strength that can exist within those relationships.

Recovery began to take shape when Dave joined a stand-up comedy class for people living with mental illness. Learning to find humour within some of his darkest experiences changed the way he related to his memories and eventually led him to perform comedy, teach others and help people tell their own stories one joke at a time.

This is an open, funny and deeply human conversation about bipolar disorder, masking, mental health recovery, family, stigma and the healing power of feeling understood.

Topics include:

• What bipolar disorder can feel like from the inside
• Mania, depression, severe anxiety and panic attacks
• Masking distress and pretending to be okay
• Psychiatric hospitalisation and receiving a diagnosis
• Losing financial security and experiencing homelessness
• The effect of mental illness on partners and children
• Dave’s relationship with his wife, Heather
• Finding humour within painful experiences
• Teaching stand-up comedy to people with mental health challenges
• Mental health stigma and the importance of honest storytelling
• Dave’s books, OMG That’s Me! and Healing with Humor
• Hope, recovery and helping people realise they are not alone

Dave shares his personal lived experience rather than medical advice. If anything in this conversation resonates with you, please consider reaching out to an appropriate mental health professional or trusted source of support.

Learn more about Dave and find his books at:
https://davemowry.com/

www.audhdandthensome.com

Can AI genuinely support an ADHD brain, or can it become another source of hyperfocus, dopamine chasing and burnout?

In this episode, Ellie speaks with Florian “Flo” Pariset, the ADHD founder of Notis, an AI assistant designed to do the work your brain refuses to do.

Flo runs his profitable, bootstrapped company as a team of one, using AI agents to support research, content, follow-ups and everyday operations. But this is not a polished success story. Flo shares how two years of intense hyperfocus helped him build his company while also contributing to burnout, and how his ADHD diagnosis changed the way he understood both his work and himself.

Together, Ellie and Flo explore both sides of AI. For many disabled and neurodivergent people, it can provide genuine accessibility, helping bridge the gap between wanting to complete something and being able to begin. At the same time, its speed, novelty and endless possibilities can intensify hyperfocus, feed the search for dopamine and remove the natural stopping points that protect our health and relationships.

They also discuss the concerns people have about AI, including privacy, misinformation, employment, creative ownership, environmental impact and becoming overly dependent on technology.

Topics include:

• ADHD, AI and task paralysis
• Hyperfocus, dopamine and burnout
• Using AI for low-dopamine tasks
• Running a company as a team of one
• AI scepticism and legitimate concerns
• What should never be delegated to technology
• Accountability, boundaries and healthier guardrails
• Using AI without sacrificing the life it is supposed to support

This is an honest conversation about using AI intentionally, keeping human judgement accountable and recognising that technology does not have to be either the villain or the hero.

Follow Flo and subscribe to his Sunday Scaries newsletter:

https://www.notis.ai/mindtheflo/

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING

This deeply emotional episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, physical and emotional abuse, incest, mental illness, addiction, eating disorders, homelessness, foster care, the drowning death of a child, violence and suicide. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

In this powerful episode of AuDHD and Then Some, Ellie AuDHD Capstick speaks with Adriene Caldwell, author of the forthcoming memoir Unbroken: Life Outside the Lines.

Adriene shares her extraordinary story of surviving childhood trauma, abuse, extreme poverty, homelessness and the foster care system. This is an honest and deeply moving conversation about what happens when a child is repeatedly failed by the people and systems that should have protected them.

But Adriene’s story is not only about surviving. It is about refusing to be defined by what happened to her.

Together, Ellie and Adriene explore the lasting effects of childhood trauma, learning to recognise and manage triggers, the complicated subject of forgiveness, the people and moments that can alter the course of a life, and what it really means to move from surviving to thriving.

Adriene speaks openly about the realities faced by former foster children and the importance of offering genuine hope without minimising the cruelty and pain people have experienced.

This episode is raw, emotional and incredibly important. It is a reminder that even when somebody is living through their darkest chapter, their story is not necessarily over. There can still be a sliver of light at the end of an unimaginably dark tunnel.

Learn more about Adriene, receive bonus content and sign up for updates about Unbroken: Life Outside the Lines at:

https://www.unbrokencaldwell.com/