• Have you noticed that some people have an unusual ability to get others to do what they want them to do?
• Have you noticed that things consistently turn out better for some people than for others?
• Have you noticed that some people seldom end up with the short end of the stick while others frequently come up short?
• Have you noticed that some people regularly follow through with whatever they undertake while others often falter or end up just quitting?
• Have you noticed that, for some people, their influence bubble expands over time, while for other people, their influence bubble stays small or may even contract over time?
Although you have likely already answered, "Yes," to all five questions, let's set some qualifications or conditions to make sure we are making an apples to apples comparison. Instead of thinking about everyone compared to everyone, let's limit ourselves to what we can call childhood reference groups. Think about you and your childhood reference group as I reframe the five questions.
Limiting yourself to people who grew up at about the same time and in a similar place as you and who experienced about the same social, educational, and economic circumstances as you, let's revisit the five questions.
• Do you know people from your childhood reference group, people like you who are better than others at getting people to do what they want them to do?
• Do you know people like you for whom things consistently turn out better than they do for others?
• Do you know people like you who seldom end up with the short end of the stick while others frequently come up short?
• Do you know people like you who consistently follow through with whatever they undertake while others often falter or end up just quitting?
• Do you know people like you who's influence bubble expands over time, while for others, their influence bubbles stay small or may even contract over time?
I have gone to some length to eliminate excuses and rationalizations. We all know people like us who have done better than we have relative to one or more of the five questions. Of course each of us was disadvantaged relative to some people not in our childhood reference group and advantaged relative to others. Some of us had a significant boost up from day one while others of us experienced a significant push down. The issue is not so much how well we have done compared to everyone else but rather how well we have done relative to people like us.
Let's take another step. Keeping in mind when and where you started your life journey and the circumstances you experienced growing up, how completely are you fulfilling your potential? I have again reframed the five questions for your consideration.
• Are your persuasive strategies and skills serving you well?
Your ability to get people to do what you want them to do is an important element of your personal growth. Here I am not talking about power, force or control. Rather I am talking about your ability to persuade. It's a matter of how you relate to and interact with others. They do not do what you want them to do because they have to do it or because they have no better alternative. They do what you want them to do because they want to do it. They believe going along with you is their best choice. They trust you and have confidence in your judgment.
• Are your successes continuing to accumulate over time?
This can be a tricky question for some. We tend to think about success as if it were an event or achievable condition we may or may not have. We have or don't have success.
Actually success is not one condition or status. Rather it is an accumulation of smaller wins. We win some and lose some.
