Even if you are still leaving home to go to work, your activities are probably quite restricted. There is a long list of things you can't do and places you can't go. That means that you are spending more time in close proximity to your family. And being closer to each other does not necessarily lead to more closeness. It's perhaps even more likely that you are working from home or – worse yet – without a job. The result is that you spend most all of your time with your family.
Can you relate to this? My parents have been gone for several years; but when they were still alive, I loved them dearly but definitely would not have wanted to live with them. Had it been necessary, we would have worked it out; but living together is not something either they or I would have chosen. The same holds for my adult children and for their children, for that matter. My family is special to me; but living with them on a 24-hour basis sound like a prescription for trouble.
But this is a time of little to no choice. That's why we are sharing some tips for getting along when there is not much opportunity to get apart.
Our tips start with some wisdom that has been around forever. It says that it's not what we love about each other that helps us get along, but is what we are willing to put up with from each other. What we love about each other is why we want to get along to start with. What we are willing to put up with from each other is what keeps us from blowing up or walking out. But when we can't get some distance from each other or time away, putting up with what we have been just putting up with can get very hard to handle. Putting up with it – whatever it is – on a 24-hour, 7 days a week basis can stress the limits of tolerance and sensitivity for the best of us. What we just put up with before is now way over the top, even for us. …
The key here is understanding that our relationships with our family are as strong as ever, and our love for each other is as strong as ever too. None of us needs to love more or love better. But we do need to put up with more of whatever was hard to put up with before we got so cooped up with each other. How to do that? Sorry, there is not a quick or easy solution to the reality that we may be driving each other up the wall. Each of us just needs to suck it up and make a doubled or tripled effort to be calmer and nicer, twenty-four seven.
By themselves, being calmer and nicer will help a lot but aren't enough. I suspect we all know what annoys, frustrates and irritates others in our family about us, how we behave or about what we do or do not do. What about us are others just putting up with? I know and so do you. We also know what we need to change or do at least until things get more back to normal. We simply need to be calmer, nicer, more cooperative, less annoying and make it easier for others in our family to spend so much time around us and unable to get some distance from us. They are fine with putting up with us and our quirks part of the time but not twenty-four seven.
You definitely have a good point. Maybe a good way to think about it is that we should try at least as hard to cooperate and fit in at home with our family as we would at work or when visiting in someone else's home. Using our good manners and being cooperative may be as important at home as they are when out in public. In these trying times, they may be even more important. It may help to remember that others in our family are as frustrated, anxious and unhappy about what's happening right now as we are. It's not all about me nor is it all about you. From the perspective of our family, it's all about us. The goal is for all of us to get through this and to deal with whatever happens. We are here for each other.
This is all well and good, but what happens when our patience and tolerance bucket runs dry? I'm asking myself that question and am pretty sure that at least some of our listeners are asking it too.
