Audio Tidbits

The psychology of success and failure is complex but not particularly hard to understand. It starts with personal responsibility. Unless you accept the responsibility for failure, you can't take the credit for success. Either you are the agent of your life outcomes or the victim of people who are pushing you down. Here's the point. If you blame others for pushing you down, people other than you deserve the praise for pushing you ahead.

Separating yourself from what you do comes next. As William D. Brown put it, "Failure is an event, never a person." Your success and failure aren't who you are. They are merely what you do. S.I. Hayakawa expanded on the same theme, "Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, ‘I have failed three times,' and what happens when he says, ‘I am a failure.'" The key is in how you manage life's events, not in the events themselves. Robert Allen expressed it like this, "There is no failure. Only feedback."

Now consider what you do with the feedback life provides. Napoleon Hill observed, "The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail." It's not enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and climb back on that horse that threw you. You need a better plan for staying in the saddle. Sure, getting up and starting over is tough. Yes, that damn horse may throw you again. Indeed, your new plan may not work any better than the old one; but it's like Beverly Sills said, "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."

Thomas Edison managed the disappointment this way, "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work;" and Samuel Beckett had a similar persistent optimism, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." With role models like Edison and Beckett, you can hardly go wrong, so long as you keep trying. As Charles F. Kettering put it, "One fails forward toward success."

George E. Woodberry knew the essence of success, "Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." Continuing effort is seldom elegant or easy; but Elbert Hubbard's simple point may be all you actually need to know, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." With that said, Mary Pickford gets the last word on the psychology of success and failure, "Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."

Now you know so there you go.

The psychology of success and failure is complex but not particularly hard to understand. It starts with personal responsibility. Unless you accept the responsibility for failure, you can't take the credit for success. Either you are the agent of your life outcomes or the victim of people who are pushing you down. Here's the point. If you blame others for pushing you down, people other than you deserve the praise for pushing you ahead.

Separating yourself from what you do comes next. As William D. Brown put it, "Failure is an event, never a person." Your success and failure aren't who you are. They are merely what you do. S.I. Hayakawa expanded on the same theme, "Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, ‘I have failed three times,' and what happens when he says, ‘I am a failure.'" The key is in how you manage life's events, not in the events themselves. Robert Allen expressed it like this, "There is no failure. Only feedback."

Now consider what you do with the feedback life provides. Napoleon Hill observed, "The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail." It's not enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and climb back on that horse that threw you. You need a better plan for staying in the saddle. Sure, getting up and starting over is tough. Yes, that damn horse may throw you again. Indeed, your new plan may not work any better than the old one; but it's like Beverly Sills said, "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."

Thomas Edison managed the disappointment this way, "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work;" and Samuel Beckett had a similar persistent optimism, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." With role models like Edison and Beckett, you can hardly go wrong, so long as you keep trying. As Charles F. Kettering put it, "One fails forward toward success."

George E. Woodberry knew the essence of success, "Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." Continuing effort is seldom elegant or easy; but Elbert Hubbard's simple point may be all you actually need to know, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." With that said, Mary Pickford gets the last word on the psychology of success and failure, "Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."

Now you know so there you go.

You are about to learn the secret recipe for the tie that binds. The ingredients and how to lovingly combine them have been protected and tenderly passed down, hand-to-hand, through the generations.

Acceptance is the first ingredient. It lets your beloved know that you accept him (or her) as is, don't want to change him, don't want him to change. You then blend in affection, knowing that "too much" applies to many things but never to affection sincerely offered.

As you mix the ingredients with love and sincere good will, gentleness is the secret technique the masters have perfected and you refine in ways that convey the uniqueness of your loving touch. It's the perfect complement to being fully involved in the moment, without distraction, without reservation.

You have almost got it just right, are nearing perfection; but it still needs a dash of this and a pinch of that, the special spices that bring out the rich flavor of the tie that binds. They are spontaneity and playfulness. Your loving touch is always there, only awaiting a gesture, a feeling, the slightest of signs that it's wanted and valued. It sparkles with joy, enthusiasm, and that indescribable but familiar extra that is in a child's laughter, a lover's smile, in the connection when you share life with your beloved.

Once you have mastered the recipe, your strategy is simple. You need only say to your beloved, "Treat me like I treat you."

We both like it when things are fair so here's what you should do. Watch how I handle things, then treat me like I treat you.

I get into a bad mood once in a while and you get into bad moods too. Watch how I manage my bad moods, then treat me like I treat you.

I may have a lot of things to say or I may only have a few. Watch how I listen when you talk, then treat me like I treat you.

Sometimes you get mad at me and sometimes I get mad too. Watch how I handle the angry times, then treat me like I treat you.

There are things that are important to me and things I expect of you. Watch how I handle your counting on me, then treat me like I treat you.

There are places I expect you to be and there are times to be there too. Watch how I manage being places on time, then treat me like I treat you.

Honesty is something that matters a lot so be sure what you tell me is true. Watch how honest I try to be, then treat me like I treat you.

You make commitments so I'll know what to expect and there are things you promise to do. Watch how I handle commitments I make, then treat me like I treat you.

There are times when I am happy and there are times when I am blue. Watch how I handle your ups and downs, then treat me like I treat you.

There are things I want to experience and there are things I want to do. Watch how I support your hopes and dreams, then treat me like I treat you.

Now you know so there you go.

You are about to learn the secret recipe for the tie that binds. The ingredients and how to lovingly combine them have been protected and tenderly passed down, hand-to-hand, through the generations.

Acceptance is the first ingredient. It lets your beloved know that you accept him (or her) as is, don't want to change him, don't want him to change. You then blend in affection, knowing that "too much" applies to many things but never to affection sincerely offered.

As you mix the ingredients with love and sincere good will, gentleness is the secret technique the masters have perfected and you refine in ways that convey the uniqueness of your loving touch. It's the perfect complement to being fully involved in the moment, without distraction, without reservation.

You have almost got it just right, are nearing perfection; but it still needs a dash of this and a pinch of that, the special spices that bring out the rich flavor of the tie that binds. They are spontaneity and playfulness. Your loving touch is always there, only awaiting a gesture, a feeling, the slightest of signs that it's wanted and valued. It sparkles with joy, enthusiasm, and that indescribable but familiar extra that is in a child's laughter, a lover's smile, in the connection when you share life with your beloved.

Once you have mastered the recipe, your strategy is simple. You need only say to your beloved, "Treat me like I treat you."

We both like it when things are fair so here's what you should do. Watch how I handle things, then treat me like I treat you.

I get into a bad mood once in a while and you get into bad moods too. Watch how I manage my bad moods, then treat me like I treat you.

I may have a lot of things to say or I may only have a few. Watch how I listen when you talk, then treat me like I treat you.

Sometimes you get mad at me and sometimes I get mad too. Watch how I handle the angry times, then treat me like I treat you.

There are things that are important to me and things I expect of you. Watch how I handle your counting on me, then treat me like I treat you.

There are places I expect you to be and there are times to be there too. Watch how I manage being places on time, then treat me like I treat you.

Honesty is something that matters a lot so be sure what you tell me is true. Watch how honest I try to be, then treat me like I treat you.

You make commitments so I'll know what to expect and there are things you promise to do. Watch how I handle commitments I make, then treat me like I treat you.

There are times when I am happy and there are times when I am blue. Watch how I handle your ups and downs, then treat me like I treat you.

There are things I want to experience and there are things I want to do. Watch how I support your hopes and dreams, then treat me like I treat you.

Now you know so there you go.

The tiny threads that sew you and your beloved together are intimate and very private; and the loving touch is definitely one of those tiny threads that bind you to each other. It comes in many forms and flavors from a sentimental card or candy in a pretty box to a warm embrace. Flowers and a romantic dinner work as well. Whatever form it takes, the loving touch means that it's an uncommon moment, a moment for special friends and lovers.

But alas, the cards will be read and the candy eaten, expensive presents discarded and sincere words forgotten. In time the flowers will wilt and the romantic dinner become but yesterday's fond memory. Something more is needed: a loving touch not to fade, not to be forgotten. It needs to provide that special advantage that Judith Viorst said marriage brings to the two of you. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again." To sustain your love until you fall in love again, the loving touch needs to last longer than the day and keep reminding, keep saying, "I love you."

This spirit is hard to capture in a well-intended gift or simple verse. It isn't to be found in things you can touch and hold. Rather, the spirit of the loving touch is in the tie that binds. It is hard to define but impossible to miss. The loving touch that lasts, the kind that keeps saying, "I love you," is filled with added value that lasts far beyond the moment.

What are these extras that make the loving touch linger past the moment? The added value includes affection any time your beloved needs a hug; and just as your beloved accepts you, warts and all, it's a two-way-street.

There also are ingredients far less adult, far less mature. They are playful and gentle, spontaneous and mischievous. They are full of fun and good times, private games and warm summer evenings. These ingredients are for you and your beloved and for all the little kids like you who have to sometimes act your age, be adults, and take care of business. You do what you need to do as best you can; but when the child in you gets to hang out with the child who lives deep within your beloved, life is at its best.

Now you know so there you go.

The tiny threads that sew you and your beloved together are intimate and very private; and the loving touch is definitely one of those tiny threads that bind you to each other. It comes in many forms and flavors from a sentimental card or candy in a pretty box to a warm embrace. Flowers and a romantic dinner work as well. Whatever form it takes, the loving touch means that it's an uncommon moment, a moment for special friends and lovers.

But alas, the cards will be read and the candy eaten, expensive presents discarded and sincere words forgotten. In time the flowers will wilt and the romantic dinner become but yesterday's fond memory. Something more is needed: a loving touch not to fade, not to be forgotten. It needs to provide that special advantage that Judith Viorst said marriage brings to the two of you. "One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again." To sustain your love until you fall in love again, the loving touch needs to last longer than the day and keep reminding, keep saying, "I love you."

This spirit is hard to capture in a well-intended gift or simple verse. It isn't to be found in things you can touch and hold. Rather, the spirit of the loving touch is in the tie that binds. It is hard to define but impossible to miss. The loving touch that lasts, the kind that keeps saying, "I love you," is filled with added value that lasts far beyond the moment.

What are these extras that make the loving touch linger past the moment? The added value includes affection any time your beloved needs a hug; and just as your beloved accepts you, warts and all, it's a two-way-street.

There also are ingredients far less adult, far less mature. They are playful and gentle, spontaneous and mischievous. They are full of fun and good times, private games and warm summer evenings. These ingredients are for you and your beloved and for all the little kids like you who have to sometimes act your age, be adults, and take care of business. You do what you need to do as best you can; but when the child in you gets to hang out with the child who lives deep within your beloved, life is at its best.

Now you know so there you go.

Sure, some lucky ducks were born with silver spoons in their mouths; and in life's great poker game, some people get better cards than others. It's enough to make you just sit down and cry. The old law-of-averages certainly doesn't apply to you. If luck were really a lady, the world would be a fairer place. Even if it weren't, at least you would get better cards. Maybe your luck will turn; but then again, maybe not. In the meantime, you will need to simply go with the cards you are dealt.

Okay, you get it; but it's still a roll of the dice and you can't do much about that fact of life; but, maybe you can. A friend tells this story. "It was bright-and-early one morning when Grandpa found an exceptionally fine sea shell on the beach. I flippantly commented, ‘That was just dumb luck, your finding that shell.' He smiled and replied, ‘Yes, it was dumb luck for a guy who was already on the beach and looking before 6:30.'"

Sure, luck and maybe even dumb luck at times play a big part in a lot of things. Things happen and you can't control everything; but you can make a point to be on the beach before 6:30 and can make the extra effort it takes to improve the odds for your success. The old-timers call this "smart luck."

Thomas Jefferson also supported personal responsibility as an important key to good luck. "I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." The famous Anon. added one more key to unlocking luck's door, "Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer." It really is just like R.E. Shay said, "Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."

Now you know so there you go.

Sure, some lucky ducks were born with silver spoons in their mouths; and in life's great poker game, some people get better cards than others. It's enough to make you just sit down and cry. The old law-of-averages certainly doesn't apply to you. If luck were really a lady, the world would be a fairer place. Even if it weren't, at least you would get better cards. Maybe your luck will turn; but then again, maybe not. In the meantime, you will need to simply go with the cards you are dealt.

Okay, you get it; but it's still a roll of the dice and you can't do much about that fact of life; but, maybe you can. A friend tells this story. "It was bright-and-early one morning when Grandpa found an exceptionally fine sea shell on the beach. I flippantly commented, ‘That was just dumb luck, your finding that shell.' He smiled and replied, ‘Yes, it was dumb luck for a guy who was already on the beach and looking before 6:30.'"

Sure, luck and maybe even dumb luck at times play a big part in a lot of things. Things happen and you can't control everything; but you can make a point to be on the beach before 6:30 and can make the extra effort it takes to improve the odds for your success. The old-timers call this "smart luck."

Thomas Jefferson also supported personal responsibility as an important key to good luck. "I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." The famous Anon. added one more key to unlocking luck's door, "Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer." It really is just like R.E. Shay said, "Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."

Now you know so there you go.

For John O'Brien, his hope was that we may care enough to love enough to share enough to let others become what they can be; but how do we do this at home, at work, and in the context of our other important relationships? Consider the following strategies. They may or may not work equally well for all of us; but they are definitely worth considering.

Cooperation: Emphasize a helpful, supportive approach to all of your relationships and activities with other people.

Bertrand Russell said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." You likely will want to set your sights a little less grandly than redeeming mankind; but you nonetheless get the idea. Cooperation is definitely the way to go and helping others is one of the best ways to get there. What's more, Charles Dudley promises added benefits for you if you are helpful and supportive with other people, "It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Now, that certainly sounds like the real deal, don't you think?

Loyalty: Emphasize accommodating to the special needs and interests of people and facilitating the resolution of problems.

It's easy here to see how that benefits other people which, of course, is the point. At the same time, though, you also benefit. Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, "The most absolute authority is that which penetrates into a man's innermost being and concerns itself no less with his will than with his actions." Sure, if you accommodate to other people and help them work things out, you will feel better about who you are and what you do. It's like Josiah Royce pointed out, "Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living."

Caring: Emphasize concern for and interest in the activities, successes, and problems of other people.

Maxwell Maltz expressed it this way, "Take the trouble to stop and think of the other person's feelings, his viewpoints, his desires and needs. Think more of what the other fellow wants, and how he must feel." The message is simple. Take time to care; and remember Fred A. Allen's words, "It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals."

Sharing: Emphasize talking with other people, reciprocal assistance, and mutual problem solving.

As you think about this, a developing theme may bubble up into your consciousness. Listen to the message from Seneca, "He that does good to another does good also to himself." If you don't quite hear it yet, let Samuel Smiles say it again, "The duty of helping one's self in the highest sense involves the helping of one's neighbors."

Respect: Emphasize acceptance of other people's beliefs and values, receptivity to their thoughts and ideas, and sensitivity to their feelings and interests.

This is a simple principle that Laurence Sterne stated most succinctly, "Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners." The underlying message was also delivered by U. Thant, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves."

Trust: Emphasize giving other people the benefit of the doubt without blaming, accusing, or threatening.

George MacDonald's observation, "To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved," may or may not ring true for you. Still, trusting others is a gift you can give to people to let them know that they are valued. At the same time, Shakti Gawain reiterates the "What helps other people helps you," theme, "When I'm trusting and being myself … everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously."

Integrity: Emphasize keeping commitments to and agreements made with other people.

Samuel Johnson said,

For John O'Brien, his hope was that we may care enough to love enough to share enough to let others become what they can be; but how do we do this at home, at work, and in the context of our other important relationships? Consider the following strategies. They may or may not work equally well for all of us; but they are definitely worth considering.

Cooperation: Emphasize a helpful, supportive approach to all of your relationships and activities with other people.

Bertrand Russell said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." You likely will want to set your sights a little less grandly than redeeming mankind; but you nonetheless get the idea. Cooperation is definitely the way to go and helping others is one of the best ways to get there. What's more, Charles Dudley promises added benefits for you if you are helpful and supportive with other people, "It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Now, that certainly sounds like the real deal, don't you think?

Loyalty: Emphasize accommodating to the special needs and interests of people and facilitating the resolution of problems.

It's easy here to see how that benefits other people which, of course, is the point. At the same time, though, you also benefit. Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, "The most absolute authority is that which penetrates into a man's innermost being and concerns itself no less with his will than with his actions." Sure, if you accommodate to other people and help them work things out, you will feel better about who you are and what you do. It's like Josiah Royce pointed out, "Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living."

Caring: Emphasize concern for and interest in the activities, successes, and problems of other people.

Maxwell Maltz expressed it this way, "Take the trouble to stop and think of the other person's feelings, his viewpoints, his desires and needs. Think more of what the other fellow wants, and how he must feel." The message is simple. Take time to care; and remember Fred A. Allen's words, "It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals."

Sharing: Emphasize talking with other people, reciprocal assistance, and mutual problem solving.

As you think about this, a developing theme may bubble up into your consciousness. Listen to the message from Seneca, "He that does good to another does good also to himself." If you don't quite hear it yet, let Samuel Smiles say it again, "The duty of helping one's self in the highest sense involves the helping of one's neighbors."

Respect: Emphasize acceptance of other people's beliefs and values, receptivity to their thoughts and ideas, and sensitivity to their feelings and interests.

This is a simple principle that Laurence Sterne stated most succinctly, "Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners." The underlying message was also delivered by U. Thant, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves."

Trust: Emphasize giving other people the benefit of the doubt without blaming, accusing, or threatening.

George MacDonald's observation, "To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved," may or may not ring true for you. Still, trusting others is a gift you can give to people to let them know that they are valued. At the same time, Shakti Gawain reiterates the "What helps other people helps you," theme, "When I'm trusting and being myself … everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously."

Integrity: Emphasize keeping commitments to and agreements made with other people.

Samuel Johnson said,