Audio Tidbits

Real memory problems are uncommon. But forgetting or not remembering to remember is very common. If it only happens once in a while and seldom involves important things, it is no big deal. It is a problem if forgetting is a regular reason for not doing things. It does get to a point when "I forgot," is not just one of those things.

It is tempting to accuse your child of lying or not paying attention. Either may be true. If so, they are themselves problems needing your attention. More likely are several other explanations.

First, your child did not see the assignment or expectation as important enough to remember. He thought it did not matter that much. Dealing with this is not complicated. It also is a good place to start when you first notice the sign. Talk with your child about how important you think the assignment or expectation is. Stress with him how important you think it is for him to treat it as important. This often helps a lot all by itself. …

Also be sure you are not using "I forgot," with him or others in the family over things they thought you were going to do. Remembering is a part of caring, respecting each other, and living in a family.

The next step is to be sure your child understands what you expect. When you ask her to do something, have her repeat your request and briefly tell you how she will go about doing whatever it was. Take five minutes for her to explain her homework assignments and describe how she will do them. She might tell you, "I will start on page 144 and read to the end of page 147. Also I will work the nine problems on page 201." Be sure she knows what to do before you expect her to remember to do it.

The next step if the first ones do not work is to set some clear consequences for not remembering. You might say, "You forget to do your home work a lot. I also know you often forget to clean your room. You say they are important but you do not act like they are. I want to make them a little more important. Here is how I am going to do it. You will work on organizing and scheduling things. You and I are then going to figure out what will happen each time you forget to do your homework or clean your room. There need to be consequences. What should they be? If you cannot decide together, I will decide for you. What do you think?"

Positive consequences for remembering are a good idea if you can come up with them. If you use a negative consequence, be careful. It needs to be mild. Help your child remember and not to punish her for forgetting. It also needs to be something you can do daily if necessary and something you will remember. Your forgetting would itself be a problem.

Our intrepid hunters have pursued the Great Mouse to the depths of New York’s subway system. The Great Mouse continues to confound them and the members of New York’s elite terrorist team even with the addition of their amazing laser fire power.

The Great Mouse can shift and suddenly appear and disappear as the hunters pursue their quarry through the network, on and off trains, in and out of tunnels. The pursuit is awesome to observe. Please join me as I anxiously await the outcome of this chapter in the ongoing quest for the Great mouse.

It does not matter who thinks you should not be the batter, are not the right person for the job, are not qualified, are not worthy. Your success is on the line; and it is time for you to add another line to your success mantra:

• Focus, Focus, Focus!

Do not let fear of failure, opinions of others, unsolicited criticism, or childish ridicule get in the way of your success. You are at the plate; your success is riding on this swing of the bat. This is your current best chance to get it right and you may not get another chance. Even if you do, this is the only opportunity you will have to get it right, the first time, on time.

It does not make any difference whether anyone else understands this is the most important thing you have ever done or if they can see why you think it is such a big deal. They do not get it. This is your success work and demands your personal best. You cannot afford to fail with what you are doing right now. Maybe you are talking with one person or a thousand, doing something you have done a hundred times before or something you are doing for the very first time, something requiring all of your knowledge and skills or something simple and uncomplicated. Whatever your immediate challenge, it is time for you to do it, and do it you do, no exceptions, no excuses. What's more, you do not expect people to wait around until you get it right, until you succeed. You expect to get it right the first time, on time, and simply assume others expect you to get it right too. …

Simon has some advice for you though, as you consider your swing. This comes straight from your personal success coach and you will do well to listen and learn. To be forewarned is to be prepared.

• Have a healthy skepticism for what can go wrong.

You plan to succeed. You always believe you are going to get a hit; but in the best of times, you cannot connect 100% of the time. There are just too many variables for you to completely control or always predict exactly how they are all going to play out; and since you cannot,

• Know in advance what you will do if it does not work out.

Just as you swing, knowing what can happen and feeling prepared, you cross the invisible line preventing most people from reaching their goals, from stepping up to the plate and taking their swing at success. You know exactly what they know; but in situations where you confidently swing for the center field fence, they sit down and watch someone else succeed.

What is the source of their misgiving? What keeps them from crossing the invisible success line?

• They do not want to proceed until circumstances are more ideal.

• They wait until conditions are more favorable.

• They sit this one out and hope for better weather next time.

Good for them, if that is their orientation to their success. For you though, succeeding means accepting some risk. You are certainly not going to step up to the plate in a hurricane or hang in there with a hundred miles per hour fast ball with your eyes closed; but you are not going to wait for a sunny day in July either. What you know others may not is,

• You never experience the exact conditions you think you need to succeed.

Although conditions are never ideal, you have done your success groundwork and are prepared to bat. You trust your intuition and believe you are able to handle most anything. You are as ready as you will ever be. The moment is at hand and you most assuredly swing the bat, take your turn at success.

Successfully establishing and maintaining the leadership connections identified in Chapter Two require answering several questions.

Who connects with whom?

What is the content of the connection?

Where does the connection occur?

When do the people connect?

Why do they invest the time and energy required to connect?

How is the connection initiated and sustained?

Consider these questions with the goal of enabling members of the Leadership Team to establish and maintain the array of connections needed to assure the agency's leadership perspective is in place and clearly focused.

When considering the questions, it helps to keep in mind these points made by Neukrug 2008 when discussing community change, "A number of strategies for changing the community have been suggested over the years. However, today it is clear that whatever intervention one makes, it should be taken with an attitude of respect and collaboration with community members." page 176-177

Neukrug goes on to suggest six steps for implementing community change: accurately define your problem, collaborate with community members, respect community members, collaboratively develop strategies for change, implement change strategies, and assess effectiveness.

Neukrug's six-step strategy definitely applies to successful leadership connections as much as to community change in general. As the questions translate into action, the wisdom of Gunderson 1997 also deserves inclusion in the journey. "Only a fool would say, 'Follow me, I have the answer,' or perhaps only a fool would follow." (page 55) Rather, we move toward one another in humility, challenged by the opportunity for making progress and needing each other in order to see progress achieved.

You cannot respect something you do not understand.

You cannot understand someone to whom you have not listened.

You cannot listen to someone with whom you have not spent time.

"I think you are fine just the way you are, trust you with that which is mine, and believe that you give everything you do your best effort." There you go, "faith" in a nutshell. Are you honestly able to say that to your significant other? If so, you have faith. If not, there may be a problem.

"You are fine just the way you are." If you can say this, you have put the first building block of faith into place. Each of you undoubtedly sees areas where you could personally improve, things you could do better. You certainly believe in continuous improvement. The key is that you each apply it to yourself but not to each other. Your relationship is not about judging or criticizing. It is about respect, trust, and mutual acceptance. You are not into changing each other, although each can expect the other's support if the individual chooses to change.

"I trust you with that which is mine." You have put the second building block into place. It includes material things but also holds things that are more personal. You have much of real value on this block. It holds your feelings, a piece of who you are and who you want to be, a part of your life that you cannot recover if it is lost. You have entrusted these intangibles freely and without reservation. You have committed an act of faith and expect nothing in return beyond having your faith reciprocated.

"You give everything you do your best effort." The third building block of faith may be the most important, since the first two depend on it. Would you say, "You are fine just the way you are," and "I trust you with that which is mine," if you knew that you were not going to get "best effort?" Not on your life, especially since your life is partially what is at risk.

Simon's point is simple. Faith is built from acceptance and trust but rests on believing that each of you is getting the best the other has to offer, every day, in every way. Sensitive Simon will not sing his theme song for you here; but please feel free to hum a verse or two should you have the urge.

Our intrepid hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to this peaceful setting where they find the Great Mouse and its companion having a well-deserved rest. The hunters are surprised but can certainly relate to the need for rest. The presence of the companion should have been expected but nonetheless catches the hunters a little off guard. What to do?

After a quick consultation, they choose to silently slip away. The hunt for the Great Mouse will continue, but not today.

Make up your mind to win and nothing else. Norman Vincent Peale

Peale believes that all the resources you need to succeed are in your mind. If you expect to succeed, you likely will. If you think you will fail, you probably are right. Peale counsels you to expect success. Pealeisms have a powerfully positive ring. Always play with abandon. It is always too soon to quit. Conditions will shift in your favor. Faith cures fear. Are you climbing aboard Peale's winners' express? Do you believe you can succeed? Dr. Peale knows you can succeed. You can if you think you can. Stinking thinking leads to hardening of the attitudes. Zig Ziglar is at least as colorful as this Ziglarism. In How to Get What You Want, Ziglar quickly cuts to the chase. If you don't think you deserve success, you will do things to keep you from getting it.

How do winners who know they deserve success get their get up and go up and going? Ziglar contends they start from where they are with what they've got. They do not wait for something to change or for things to get better before deciding to succeed. They just get on with it. They go as far as they can see, knowing that once they get there they will always be able to see further. Ziglar combines his self-motivation philosophy with personal goals and a zest for people helping people. On personal goals, Ziglar zeros in with a total lack of subtlety. You cannot reach goals you do not have. You cannot reach someone else's goal. you can only reach your own. Thinking you are too busy is stinking thinking. It is not the lack of time that is the problem, it is the lack of direction. Either you think you deserve success and go for it or you will get cooked in the squat which is even worse than it sounds. You will get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want. For Ziglar, this is the nub of personal goal setting. It is both the value and the direction. More eloquently, Ziglar says, You don't climb the high mountain by yourself. it is in conjunction with others that you really accomplish the major things in life. If you look, think and behave like everyone else, you will look, think and behave like everyone else.

Michael LeBoeuf calls his success philosophy Imagineering. Your uniqueness is your ticket into the winner's circle, according to LeBoeuf. Getting to the circle to be admitted is your personal creative challenge, the problem before you. But waiting on an inspiration is useless. Start on the problem and then the ideas will come. Inspiration, LeBoeuf advises, usually comes to those who have done the groundwork.

In Blow Your Own Horn, Jeffrey Davidson shows he knows about the ways of winners. You are your own marketing department, according to Davidson. In one sentence, what is it that you are marketing. what is it that you have to offer the world? If you do not know, no one else is likely to care.

Peter Drucker makes a similar point when, in The Frontiers of Management, he says, It is your vision or its absence that shapes your future. Drucker sees success itself as the ultimate test of success. and your personal vision is the key to your status as a winner or loser.

In Developing Winner's Habits, Denis Waitley adds meat to the wishbone of goals and personal vision. Waitley insists that winners never let anyone know they are scared or unprepared. Winners act like winners. they project confidence. Waitley's strategy is to find one good idea to pull your trigger on, remembering that there is still plenty of time to win but never enough time to lose. Attack the problem and never the people.

Roger Fisher and William Ury in Getting to Yes join the unanimous chorus of success experts in emphasizing the importance of people skills. Fisher and Ury give their attention to negotiating. but their main points could equally apply to almost any success opportunity.

Hey fellow Earth humans. To my surprise, the Aliens Amongst Us didn’t actually return permanently to their Home Planet. I intercepted them in New Orlins, just hanging out like real people. As you might expect, the setting was pretty noisy and a lot rowdy so listen carefully. The conversation is well worth the extra effort it takes to listen.

Boredom is a condition seen in infants, children, and adults of all ages. Much of the time, your infant entertains herself. She really seems to enjoy just being alive and involved in the world. At other times though, she becomes fussy, irritable, unhappy, and generally discontent. What is wrong with her? She is bored.

For your infant and toddler, boredom is a frequent state of affairs. This fact is partly why your toddler is always getting into everything and always under foot. Nothing holds his attention very long. He is always looking for new things to get into and novel ways to deal with boredom. Further, he spends a lot of time trying to get you to relieve his boredom.

Your preschooler experiences boredom less often, since his attention span is longer. Nonetheless, he becomes bored fairly easily, especially on rainy days or when he is sick and has to stay in his room, or when he is full of energy and has no good outlets for it. You understand what boredom is (an uncomfortable low level of stimulation) and understand it is a problem for children when they do not have enough to occupy their active minds and bodies.

When children are bored, then, what should you do about it? You have three options for dealing with children who are bored.

First, you can respond in a negative (limit setting) way.

Second, you can respond in a positive or helpful way.

Third, you can do nothing about it.

Although all three possible responses are used with children of all ages, the specific choice depends on the age of your child. With your infant, your most typical response is positive and helpful. With your toddler and preschooler, your response is a combination of helpfulness and limit setting. For the grade schooler and adolescent, your response frequently reflects a do-nothing or "that is your problem" attitude. Let's look more specifically at these three options.

A positive response to boredom is essential if children are to learn constructive and creative ways of dealing with being bored. With your infant, once you have recognized the signs of boredom, you can pick her up, play with her, make noises or do other things to amuse her - move her from one place to another, turn on the music box or the radio. For your toddler or preschooler, you can sit on the floor and play for a while, read to her, help her think of something fun to do. For your grade schooler or adolescent, you can suggest she visit friends or have friends over, offer to play a game, involve her in what you are doing, or just sit and talk for a while.

It helps to anticipate situations in which children are likely to become bored. For instance, when children have to spend a lot of time in a car, it is good to have a travel kit with a supply of pencils and paper, puzzles, hand-held-games, coloring books and crayons, and toys. Most children also enjoy a sing- along while riding in a car, or word games.

Children are inclined to express their boredom in somewhat negative and destructive ways. They may become more irritable and more inclined to fight and argue with each other, may do destructive things such as picking at the upholstery or pulling holes in their clothing, may just start getting into everything they should stay out of. When children behave unacceptably because they are bored, first respond to the misbehavior by setting limits letting them know the behavior is not acceptable. Once you have dealt with the problem in a firm way, you can consider whether or not to help relieve the boredom.

Your third option is to ignore the boredom. Life really is boring sometimes for everyone including you. When you are bored, you may think of something to do; when you have to do something boring, you learn to tolerate the boredom and do the job in spite of it. Your children must learn both of these approaches to boredom,

Our intrepid hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to a remote desert somewhere on the Earth planet where it appears that the Great Mouse may have finally faltered. Will the Great Mouse once more escape or is this the end of the Great Mouse’s world? Join me to learn the fate of the Great Mouse.