Audio Tidbits

Do not become competitive. How might you and your significant other become competitive? Actually it is much more subtle than you might think. Even less obviously, you may not see it as competition and might deny that you are competing, if asked.

Do you recall, "Relationships are a 50/50 proposition?" Well, therein lies the source of most of the competition I have in mind here. If relationships are supposed to be 50/50, then it is reasonable to rate yourself and each other. Who is ahead or behind?

• "I do all of the work and you spend your time laying around."

• "I'm getting tired of doing my work and yours too."

• "I'm there for you but you are never around when I need you."

• "I hold up my end of things but you just do whatever you feel like doing."

Do you see the pattern? "I am doing fine and you are screwing up." Although this is most always the pattern, it can work the other way. "I know that you are getting the short end of things but…." Either way, the race is on, you and your significant other have become competitive. …

Once the Leadership Team completes the steps and activities discussed earlier, it has a Leadership Perspective from which it can successfully participate within the agency's incorporating environment. Through its Initiators and Authorizers, the agency develops and sustains sufficient resources and auspices to continue operations. Through its Implementers and agency Management, it assures services are in place to serve its clients and that those services and agency operations conform to accepted regulations, standards, and guidelines. Through the agency's services structure and its Providers, the agency works to assure the help it provides is the help its clients need and deserve. Through its connection with and attention to potential clients and to those who may refer potential clients to the agency, the likelihood people in need will be better able to cope with their needs, problems, and vulnerabilities down the road increases. Further, everyone associated with the agency is better able to contribute to the success of other people and organizations in ways far beyond the agency's narrow responsibilities. Only when all participants in the human services community succeed can an individual human services agency make a difference consistent with its full potential.

I hope the point has been made the Management Perspective and the Leadership Perspective are not the same and they both are required for agency excellence. I also hope the point is clear neither is more or less important than the other. Both are essential perspectives from which to pursue agency excellence. Let me reiterate one other critical point here.

Help is only helpful if it helps. Everything we do should support and further the success of our stakeholders in general and our clients in particular. Nothing we do should jeopardize their success or serve any other purpose. As I said in Chapter One, the point of developing a human services agency is to help people cope with the needs, problems, and vulnerabilities in their lives. Everything we do should further this outcome and nothing we do should interfere with achieving the outcome.

The standard is simple. Do the right things right, the first time, on time, every time, one client at a time. What is the right thing? This is also simple. Make sure the help we provide is help that truly helps. …

The posts in this series are excerpted from Ecological Human Services Management: An Organic Model For Practice.

In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, I have included four excerpts from Fifty-Two Skidoo: Thought Snacks for the Contemplative. After a brief thought about getting the hell kicked out of us, attention shifts to advertising, advice, and when we know we are growing old. Please enjoy.

The hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to the zoo on the Great Mouse's home planet. I don't know what it means or how to understand what I hear. I must leave you to your own conclusion.

People are constants, problems are variables. Simon is not saying people never change, are always the same. You need only hang around most anyone for a while to know people are very changeable. Were that not true, things would get very boring and most of the world's serious problems would never get solved.

The people you deal with through your success business have some characteristics that stay fairly stable over time. Traits not changing much include things like attitudes, approaches to doing business, interpersonal style, beliefs, values, general mood and demeanor, cooperativeness, and most everything else mattering in the context of your success. This is enough of a fact of life you are well-served by simply assuming people are constants, they are not going to change, at least not much in any ways making any difference for you.

Making this assumption puts you onto the right track with people and problems: you will,

• Deal with people and work on problems.

If the people change in positive ways, all the better; but you are not counting on it and are not investing much time in trying to get them to change. You want to see what people are doing right, since you likely can get them to do more of whatever it is; but you cannot concern yourself much with what they are doing wrong. You might get them to do less of it but not a lot less any time soon. Your goal is to encourage people to do more of what they are already doing right, with the hope they will have less time and energy for doing things wrong. If you are very successful with this approach, the right things will become so habitual the wrong things gradually just drop away, although it can take years, if you have the free time to devote to the task. …

Be dependable and keep your commitments. On the face of it, my point here seems like another one of those no-brainers. "Be as good as your word." "Do what you say you will do." Certainly loyalty is also part of the package as is faithfulness, to the extent that promises have been made. It would seem that this is simply a further example of predictability, "You can count on me."

Dependability and keeping commitments go beyond these types of usual, "the way you deal with everyone" behavior. Within serious relationships, they have a more intimate dimension. They are an important ingredient in the tie that binds, are part of what makes the relationship special.

• You are there for each other when either of you needs support, encouragement, or someone to scratch the itch so to speak.

• You are truly interested in and want to know about each other's activities, thoughts, and personal issues.

• You are happy and excited when things go well for either of you and feel badly when they do not.

• You share in each other's lives and are available, good times, bad times, and all. …

When should toilet training begin? First, it should not begin until your child seems to know what the potty is for and can relate the idea to "making messes" in her clothing. For most children, this relationship does not become clear until they are about twenty-four months old. By that age children have enough bowel and bladder control to participate in the toilet training process. If you wait until your child is about thirty months old, she will probably start training herself.

Some parents have children sit on the potty immediately after meals, as if they will eliminate the food just consumed. But since it takes several hours for foods and liquids to pass through their systems, it makes more sense to encourage your child to use the potty when you use the bathroom. She likely will be willing to try to "go" while you are in the bathroom modeling appropriate toilet behavior. Even if she does not use the potty, she will enjoy the attention and verbal interaction.

Since people typically use the toilet immediately before going to bed and immediately after getting up in the morning, encourage your children to try to potty at those times. It also helps to encourage them to sit on the potty a few minutes every four or five hours. Once in a while, they urinate or have a bowel movement when sitting on the potty. At such times your enthusiastic approval reinforces the behavior. If your child wants you to look at what he has done, it is only fair to visually inspect the product of his efforts.

In addition, consistently help your child change clothing after each accident. Tell him calmly he has made a mess and has to put on clean clothes. If you disapprove of the mess, so will your child. Infrequently, children discover messing or wetting their pants is a very good way to upset you. If this happens, simply ignore the behavior for a few days. Even so, you have gotten into quite a bind with your child. …

Have you figured out how to pass the time while sitting at an airport waiting on that plane that is late again? Well, a few folks from the podcasting team were in that very pickle. No choice but to sit and wait and nothing to do. You might find their solution interesting, especially since you may not have much else to do right now but listen. If that’s not your situation, whether you listen is optional. If you give them seven minutes, I hope you enjoy.

At a broad level, the Leadership Team's responsibilities are not complex. The team identifies, establishes, and maintains the array of leadership connections best serving the agency's interests and those of its stakeholders. Embedded here is a critical concept. Each connection is two-way and has to be mutually beneficial. Part of what sustains the connection is the What's in it for me? factor. The connection benefits the agency but also benefits the stakeholder. Of course, the agency's interests are furthered. It is equally important each connection also furthers the interests of the stakeholder.

A good starting point for developing the Leadership Perspective is to think about what connections should be established for the specific agency. Some caution is important here. It is very easy to get this step so complicated no one actually takes it in a thoughtful and systematic way. My experience tells me, if this happens, the step is simply skipped. The result then is a more or less haphazard approach to leadership, with the agency never quite achieving the Leadership Perspective. With this caution in mind, consider how to identify the connections best serving the agency's interests.

Start with connections within the local Helping Triangle and specifically with 0-A connections with potential clients. Before identifying people, two questions have to be asked and answered. What is the agency's interest in establishing connections with these stakeholders? We have to know why we want to make the connections before investing the time and resources required to establish and maintain them. A somewhat subtle point is important here. Our focus is on outcomes and not on input. The value of the connections is in the future, not today. For example, the agency is interested in providing more responsive, more appropriate services as time goes on. The connections are expected to support this outcome. The agency's interest is in getting better and better at getting better and better; and solid connections with potential clients help achieve this end.

With a clear sense of why the agency wants to establish the connections in mind, there is a second question to ask and answer. What is each stakeholder's interest in establishing a connection with the agency? More specifically, what's in it for a potential client? Focus is again on output, not input. How will the potential client be better off tomorrow as a result of investing time and energy in the connection today? – Keep in mind this is a Leadership Connection and not the same as receiving or providing agency services and supports. It is important to refrain from pursuing the connection until we have seriously thought about the question and have an answer. For example, a payment or other reward might be appropriate in some situations, while not in others. Others might value helping people they know by contributing to increased availability of better services. Some may appreciate the opportunity to call attention to something they do not like about the agency or its services. Still others may be eager to share their ideas about what they think would really be helpful to people who are experiencing the types of issues and challenges for which the agency exists. Each person has his or her perspective and interests. This step requires learning what those perspectives and interests are and assuring the connection conforms with and supports those perspectives and interests. …

It's Down On The Farm. There's not much else to say. Have a listen.