Aural Malpractice

Hang on to your Nascar urine tube becuase the doctors are back in another desperate effort to treat their mysterious diseases. They discuss soup, tits, unintentional competition, and give even more free promotion for Brick Scotch. It ultimately begs the most important question of the decade: what foods go great with ass? Hopefully nothing too fiber-dense.

Speaking of ass, Dr. Josh is back with another episode of Animal Dicks, and there's more than meets the ass regarding the animal featured in this segment. A tawdry tale of glucose, kidnapping, BDSM, genital gymnastics, bad planning skills and extreme closeups awaits those whose stomachs are ready to be tossed like a salad.

And since time has donkeykicked its way into the season of movie blockbusters, Dr. Josh and Dr. Tom spread awareness of a few smash hits this summer that are simply immune to any sissy-ass writer's strike. There's a little bit for everyone here, so bring your friends! Bring your family! Just. Don't. Bring. Your great aunt Lucy. What a bitch.

Q+A is again a hit-or-miss collection of parts like it always is, but at least it looks like our audience is finally getting smarter. Good for you guys! We're all so proud of you, and more proud of ourselves for finally hitting our target demographic: old men unsure about the location of their bacon.

But while we're on that subject, stop asking us questions about George. Ok? None of us are George.

And in a new segment, Dr. Josh hosts 'Rapid Fire', a breakneck tremolo of REAL QUESTIONS FROM THE INTERNET that are to be answered as quickly as possible. This, by far, is the most educational part of the show, and we learn much about sandwiches and spitting in someone's mouth.

The Aural Malpractice Podcast. Get some!

So what’s on your assbib today? We finally fooped out another show, but consider yourself warned: this episode has a lot of splashback. Please be sure to clean around the edges of the bowl when you down this turd. And don’t forget to courtesy flush!

In the underground world of Leprechauns, tiled floors, and class 3 laser dicks, the doctors return for yet another flaccid attempt to make sense of anything at all. As usual, they only manage to add more confusion, more irritation, and probably more offensive reasons for you to NOT listen to this podcast. Please like us; we’re trying our very best.

But above all else, Dr. Chris found the most elaborate way to confide his anal leakage problems to the internet. Be sure to listen to his rant of the day to capture all the latest blackmail material we will be sending to his employer this week.

Later, we have a heavy bout of questions, answers, soup, and tits, where we discuss sensitive topics like poop jokes and losing blood flow to your nipples. Also covered are less-sensitive topics such as life improvement through murderous clone replacement, race wars and magic lesbians. But overall nothing that would encourage any further disrespect or place us on any more government watch lists.

Also, an important notice: If you think we aren’t talking enough about poop, please let us know. We can change that.

And here’s yet another wad of floor scum for that dirty mop bucket we call the Aural Malpractice Podcast. At least we got rid of the rats. See you next time when Dr Chris reveals his plan to strengthen his pelvic floor muscles!

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That thing Dr. Chris was complaining about. Probably some kind of Pokemon or My Little Pony.

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Aural Malpractice Episode 0017: Leprechaun Race Riots

The three morons are back, and never before has there been a prouder display of such worldy erudition! At least not since that time you dry-humped a cabbage to the Canadian national anthem while covered in chocolate syrup spelling racial slurs across your nude bottom during your family vacation to Switzerland last year! By the way, we know who you are. Does that bother you?

To get in tune with the season of giving, this episode exhibits a quasi-failed holiday theme, complete with festive music, several hos, and a few ads for some charitable organizations close to the doctors’ hearts. But mostly it’s just used as a thinly-veiled excuse for Dr. Josh to repeatedly accuse Dr. Chris of having inappropriate, spontaneous physical contact with Santa Claus. Dr Chris has his patience endlessly tested by two drunken idiots who can even agree on the best bloodborne pathogen, but… the show must go on.

If it’s not that one topic we’re constantly penetrating down to bedrock, it’s always some other stiff joke that goes flaccid and collapses over time, and we always piss away better opportunities for stimulating, turgid conversation in light of the same old wrinkled bag of limp jokes. So Dr. Josh helps us find a way out of our rut, and he certainly got our minds erect and standing at attention. Message received, Dr Josh! It’s time to move on to other topics of discussion!

Despite being the absolute worst show ever made, the Holiday season tapped the doctors’ more charitable sides, including some extra listener questions for your personal well-being, then quickly regret it. Even so, I don’t think anyone is any closer to knowing what quinoa is.

Which is Worse is brought up in the midst of the tangents of other tangents, and we’re back to a crowded elevator where an evil witch curses your farts, and potentially violates the integrity of your foops.

Note: Despite our constant arguing, nitpicking, and escalating of biological warfare, we have come to a rare consensus. This is absolutely, hands-down, the worst episode we have ever made. It’s the most chaotic, nonsensical, disgusting thing we’ve ever made. And as way of apology… to ourselves, not our listeners… we have released it for your listening pleasure. Also. Fuck you. Stop sending in questions about chickens. We apologize to Santa Claus if Dr. Chris didn’t already murder him.

#EatCatsForChange

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Aural Malpractice Episode 0016: The Stupidest Show We’ve Ever Made

Aural Malpractice is spontaneously brought to you by Shit Towels. A Shit Towel is a towel you shit in to keep the government from stealing your shit. Every citizen of the galaxy should have a modest supply of shit towels in their shit place. Take your shitting experience to the next level by keeping the government away from your shit!

In this episode, Dr Josh reveals the latest entertainers in his talent roster as he demonstrates his uncanny ability to always pick the most existant performers when it comes to space comedy and space music. These distinguished talents are allegedly at the top of the space charts, but it’s TBD as to whether or not those space charts ever make a mark on our own earth charts. Or exist. Being abducted for six years can really mess with someone’s mind.

Then, Dr Chris opens up his home to us as he describes an issue he had with his personal plumbing equipment. As usual, he says ‘cock’ and ‘ball’ a lot, and graphically describes incidents of ‘releasing’ and ‘spurting’. Because that’s all he ever talks about.

Following up on a jealous outburst from an insecure clone in the previous episode, Dr Chris uses the powers of research and lying to Dr. Josh to co-opt his own segment of ‘animal dicks’, where he again talks about balls, cocks, releasing, and spurting. Tune in to see which one of the 8.7 million species of animals out there whose dick Dr Chris can’t get out of his mind.

For the second half of this digital dumpster hump, the madness is rounded out with a long-awaited session of Questions and Answers. As the questions are randomly selected based on user submissions, the level of intelligence and general coherence displays stark variance. Between the nonsensical thought vomit sent from our intelligent and classy listeners, real science experiments are actually discussed. Soon we may learn whether or not chickens masturbate.

Also, consider this yet another reminder. Unless you have a question you want answered on the show (Or if you have a guess as to who it was that snorted at 33:56), don’t send us ANYTHING. And don’t drink bleach. And don’t drill holes into your head. Save that kind of reckless behavior for the celebrities who want your eyeballs.

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Aural Malpractice Episode 0015: Reconstituted Space Hotsauce

This episode’s dickscussion opens up with some minor protocol violations and paranoid talk of sexually pleasing cats. Dr. Tom is an idiot. Please don’t judge your cat; it doesn’t have the same access to opposable thumbs and Astroglide.

Then, showing an uprecedented amount of maturity, Dr. Chris dials back his opinions on meticulous cannibals after a terrifying ordeal with a mysterious lady from California. Will there be more discoveries and revelations as he goes deeper down the gaping hole of hookup culture? We really hope not. Incidentally Dr. Chris is also really good at sacrificing hobos to escape his own imminent doom. Pure comedy.

As if it couldn’t get any worse, Aural Malpractice is now on Youtube and Rumble. We would appreciate it if you gave us enough attention to get banned from either.

Then we come to a segment about dicks. In light of Dr. Josh and his achievement as an intergalactic talent agent, Dr. Chris goes soul-searching for his own talents. This leads to one of the most disturbing and uncomfortable performances ever recorded in the history of this podcast. After 6-8 hours of tweaking and dangerously skirting a copyright strike, Shplookis has been exonerated!

Then comes a break from dick talk with something that is merely dick-adjacent. Dr. Chris does a paid ad-read for a new and exciting product that’s sure to blend two of your favorite pastimes into one. Trust us: you’ll never think of an old lady masturbating to matlock the same way ever again!

Fearing we strayed too far, we go right back to dicks, but this time it’s different because it’s about Dr Josh and another public service announcement about animal dicks. It will have you shoulder-deep in laughs.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, we move on to a terrible round of ‘which is worse?’ that reveals Dr. Josh’s conviction regarding keeping the government away from his poop, and Dr. Tom crushing morality between his malleable, liquid metal fingers. At least it wasn’t about dicks.

And yet another episode crashes and burns. Three dicks acting like dicks while talking about dicks.

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Dicks.

Whoever thought it was a good idea to put these three in contact should be tied up, beaten, and hurled into the nearby Quantapoosit river. This episode’s intelligent and valuable discussion is birthed feet-first when Dr. Josh demonstrated his otherworldly knowledge of reptilian grifters, alien parasites, and television preachers. They are all pretty much the same thing and have large, disingenuous plans for Earth. Also, Is Dr. Chris an alien? It may explain a few things.

Dr. Tom provides an update on the ongoing construction of his own nation, including a few hiccups with codifying law and quantifying the variables of intrinsic value for each of his citizens. Who has the most value? And how many should be stoned to death? Should we create a betting pool?

In Dr. Josh’s cryptic sphere, he again violates his self-made oath of ‘no more dick experiments’ and goes balls-deep into do-it-yourself urology. He learns, unfortunately, that superhero physics do not apply to dicks, and his experiments in genital irradiation only cause terminal issues that even Johns Hopkins can’t remedy.

Dr. Josh is then submitted to a grueling round of uncomfortable probing regarding his past as an intergalactic talent manager. But just like before, nothing is really revealed beyond Dr. Chris’s love of the Tascam DR-05 and Dr. Tom’s dogshit listening skills. Frankly, we ended up learning more about space Mormons than we did about Dr. Josh and his encounter with the Kolonskians… whatever those things are. But to everyone’s surprise, there is revealed to be more ‘found footage’ of Dr. Josh’s half-Asian quarry, Scooter Lee-McRascal, and evidence of his downward slide into depression, depravity, and drinking moonshine at Walmart. Another earworm infection advisory will be in effect until the end of the episode. You’ve been warned.

The show ends with another round of ‘Which is Worse?’. From it, we learn that Tinder might be full of cannibals, Josh might be a secret cannibal, and Chris might be cannibalism-curious. But the most important takeaway of them all? Stay off of Tinder.

Another match made in malpractice is born!

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“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0013: Testicular Iodine Injections

You know a show is off to a great start when the word ‘Hitler’ is said seven times in one minute by three different idiots. It might be a little hard to take but if you angle it just right, it hits the prostate and then starts to feel good anyway. Dr. Tom takes his first ethically questionable steps towards establishing his own sovereign nation, and Dr. Josh provides some even more ethically questionable advice in the interest of command and control. Whatever the outcome may be of this undertaking, Dr. Chris is prepping his lead-lined bunker. Just in case.

Then, after a long discussion of how to retroactively stop Hitler and keep him away from honorary degrees and nuclear weapons, Dr. Tom feeds the braindead audience and keeps them on track by whipping up the entire show in one easy-to-swallow load. Following that up, the doctors go back to the swamp of despair that is their audience Q+A for a few rounds of sheer disappointment. Interestingly, Dr. Josh knows a lot about the dump and seems suspiciously proud of it.

And finally, after all these months of waiting, Dr. Josh finally reveals just what it was he was doing for the past 6 years. And what was that about those aliens he spoke of before? Now it’s time to find out the answers to absolutely everything with no tangents, oversharing, or deliberate cliffhangers whatsoever! Not to give away too much regarding his amazing journey (Just listen for yourself!),we will only say that feelings were hurt, dreams were shattered, and many, many fluids were simultaneously excreted.

Thank you for your injection, Dr. Josh! We’ve never been more proud to be the second-hand fleshlight of audio entertainment!*

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*The character “Tammy” was involuntarily voiced by the talented Dorothy Jean Thompson. In otherwords, we used recordings she made available on FreeSound.org. More of Dorothy’s work can be found on her website and sound cloud page (linked below). In no way does she endorse this podcast. For her sake, we hope she isn’t aware of our existence. Dorothy, if you stumble upon this page, we’re sorry we dragged you into this.

Her website:

Home | DJT Voice Overs

Jean Thompson on SoundCloud

 

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0012: Dracula’s a Asshole

The doctors are back to criticize the voluptuousness of your pants. Turn your head and cough, but try not to choke unless you really want to.

This show opens positively with notions of resolutions, self-improvement, and the new year that began a third of a year ago. Dr. Tom shares the enthusiasm and wonderment of being voluntarily abducted and deposited into a cultural re-education camp filled with valuable, enriching experiences such as mining for coal, circumcision, severing fingers, and more circumcision. But it’s all valuable because it’s different.

Then Dr. Chris gets a steaming load off his chest after learning that instructional cooking on the internet is really just self-promoting, misleading bullshit with little to no value for a neophyte learning the culinary ropes. That and there isn’t even any nudity involved. Spurred by his passionate, fiery speech, Dr. Josh shares a few ideas in solidarity, formulating an idea for a new cooking show that’s sure to give these click-baity, uppity Karens just what they deserve.

And in an unending mission to overwhelm with variety, we start up a new listener Q+A segment to find out what gapes YOUR intellectual buttholes and answer all sorts of questions related to popping pimples, popping erections, and popping holes in the space-time continuum.

Closing out the show, Dr. Chris reveals he’s received a piece of mail from none other than Dr. Jacoby, but since he wouldn’t disclose just what the message said in front of his loyal listeners, something might be rotten in Denmark. Consider our intellectual buttholes gaped in our soft, voluptuous pants… and Squizzfingers on high alert.

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Click Here to Overwhelm Your Significant Other with Dildo Variety

Garbage Uppity Karen Cooking Site

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0011: Not For The Living

The doctors return for another 9th dimensional mind meld and found yet another way to bore miles beneath the rock-bottom of what is comedy and what is just a salty biproduct. The other two doctors attempt to cure Dr Josh’s depression over his latest obsession, which haunts him throughout the episode. Dr Chris tries to get to the bottom of it through penetrating questions and doctor Tom did his part by just being really drunk. After that comes a brief analysis of the post-mortem effects of Dr. Josh’s possession by Hilda, the Nasty Bitch of Transylvantalyst. It seems like he’s going to be fine, even though his intellectual butthole seems to be getting more attention than it should.

Once in full gear, Dr Josh introduces a new segment to the show that really swings between its intro and outro. We aren’t going to give away too much regarding the 3 meters of turgid content he provides, but we nonetheless hope you have an empty soda bottle or ten in order to handle its salty biproduct.

In a miraculously to-the-point segment of ‘which is worse’, the Dr. Chris and Dr. Josh keep things classy and scientific with a very poignant discussion on statistics, pressure distribution, fluid mechanics, human biology, bodily excretions, and salty biproducts. Science prevails once again!

*Dr. Tom has been appropriately disciplined and re-educated concerning his choice of advertisers and controls have been properly implemented to keep him from ever again doing whatever the hell it was he did in this episode. We think.

“Theme for Harold (var. 3)” and other songs by

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Aural Malpractice Episode 0010: The Physical Sensation of Being Covered in Ass

Curing your hiccups with scares, the doctors are back for their first-ever Halloween Special. This episode so spooky that you may secrete your viscous terasoul in sheer terror!

Dr Josh alleviates his boredom by taking Dr. Chris And Dr. Tom on a morbid journey into his own imminent death, where he experiments with sample readings for the eulogy of his inevitable funeral. Taking to heart the notion that nobody is quite sure where their future may take them. The possibilities are endless, but we're mostly sure it will include some BDSM, a meth habit, and a dubious cult following.

Dr Tom's 3rd clone finally found what happened to Dr Tom's 2nd clone. Not to anyone's surprise, science went wrong. A creepy tale unfolds throughout the episode as the audio logs recorded of Dr. Tom's 2nd clone's final moments are dispersed throughout.

Later in the episode, Dr. Josh plunges taint-first into the occult as he channels the spirit of an ancient witch who turns an old segment upside-down for the 'Witch's Worst'. There is horror, pain, suffering, pontificating, and uncontrollable lactation. And the summoning process doesn't seem so great either.

“Always follow your heart. And keep on doing what you love.” -Dr. Josh on meth