The Invisible Rules Running Your Life
Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life
Have you ever caught yourself saying:
“I should be doing more.”
“I shouldn’t disappoint people.”
“A good mom would handle this better.”
“I should be able to fix this.”
“I shouldn’t need help.”
But have you ever stopped and asked:
Who told me that was the rule?
In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we’re talking about the invisible rules that quietly shape how we show up in motherhood, marriage, work, faith, relationships, and even the expectations we place on ourselves.
Some of these rules may have started as ways to stay connected, feel successful, avoid conflict, or keep life feeling safe. But eventually, a rule that once helped us can become something that leaves us exhausted, anxious, resentful, or disconnected from ourselves.
I also share how this shows up in my own life as someone who naturally wants to organize, solve, help, accomplish, and keep things moving. There is nothing wrong with being capable. The problem comes when being capable turns into believing everything is mine to carry.
In this episode, we talk about:
- Why “should” can be a clue that an invisible rule is running in the background
- The difference between living from your values and living from fear or expectation
- Why capable women can easily become over-responsible
- How people-pleasing and over-functioning can look like kindness
- Why someone else’s disappointment does not automatically mean you did something wrong
- The difference between helping someone and trying to manage their outcome
- Why guilt sometimes shows up when we begin doing something healthier
- How old survival patterns can continue influencing our decisions long after we need them
The R.U.L.E. System
When you notice an invisible rule, walk yourself through these four steps:
R — Recognize the rule
What am I telling myself I “should” do?
U — Uncover where it came from
Where did I learn this? Is it from my family, culture, faith experiences, relationships, past pain, or expectations I absorbed along the way?
L — Look at the cost
What is this rule costing me emotionally, mentally, relationally, or physically?
E — Exchange it
What is a healthier and more truthful belief I can practice instead?
For example:
Old rule:
I have to keep everyone happy.
New rule:
I can be kind without being responsible for managing everyone’s feelings.
A Question to Sit With
Think about one area of your life that feels heavy right now and ask:
What am I telling myself I should be doing?
Then ask:
Would I give this same rule to my daughter, my best friend, or someone I deeply love?
If the answer is no, it may be worth asking why you are requiring it from yourself.
Remember
Feeling guilty does not always mean you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something differently.
You are allowed to question expectations you never consciously chose.
You are allowed to grow beyond patterns that once protected you.
And you are allowed to decide:
That rule does not belong in my life anymore.
Connect With Authentic Pursuit
Explore more resources, conversations, and tools designed to help you better understand your emotions, relationships, patterns, and sense of self at Authentic Pursuit.
And if this episode made you think of someone who is constantly carrying everything for everyone else, share it with her.
Sometimes becoming more authentic is not about adding something new.
Sometimes it is finally putting down something you were never meant to carry.
Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life
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