You may feel dissatisfaction or discomfort in some realm of life that you want to shift. But where to start and how to succeed? In this second episode in a series on intentional living, Dr. Regan identifies ways to create steps toward a goal, identify strategies, and monitor success.
As referenced in the current episode:
First Episode in Momentum for Behavior series
Course for Clinicians - Interventions in Autism: Helping Clients Stay Centered, Connect with Others, and Engage in Life
Course for Clinicians: ASD Differential Diagnoses and Associated Characteristics
Book: Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults, 2nd ed
Book: Understanding Autistic Behaviors
Autism in the Adult website homepage
Website Resources for Clinicians
Read the transcript below:
00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:02,250
00:00:02,259 --> 00:00:02,960
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:04,380
00:00:04,389 --> 00:00:04,829
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:05,980
00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:11,579
introducing this next episode of autism in the adult podcast.
00:00:11,939 --> 00:00:13,779
00:00:13,789 --> 00:00:20,729
So I specialize in understanding how the health of the brain and the connections of the brain impact,
00:00:20,739 --> 00:00:21,370
00:00:21,379 --> 00:00:22,020
00:00:22,030 --> 00:00:22,700
00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:23,319
00:00:23,329 --> 00:00:24,569
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:30,540
I've worked in hospitals for over 30 years and I'm the mother of a teen on the spectrum.
00:00:31,649 --> 00:00:39,250
And did you know that I have a series of three podcast episodes about momentum for activity.
00:00:39,619 --> 00:00:43,869
One is about exhaustion and finding balance in momentum.
00:00:44,189 --> 00:00:53,000
One of the episodes is about how to gain momentum for activity and the third is how to keep momentum for activity.
00:00:53,430 --> 00:00:59,430
You can find these three episodes as episodes number 21,
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:04,489
and 23 In September and October of 2021.
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,410
I'll put the link in the show notes.
00:01:09,010 --> 00:01:09,449
00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:23,959
we have our second episode of a series about finding some intentionality in um areas of our life where we'd like to grow and maybe challenge ourselves.
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:42,660
Sometimes life is so fast and furious and we get in survival mode or we just get used to living a certain way that we realize we're not really making choices in all the areas of where we put our attention,
00:01:42,989 --> 00:01:46,269
uh whether we wanna grow or shift gears.
00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:56,300
So the previous episode was this introduction of thinking about where are we in our life right now?
00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:02,059
And if you can identify areas where you would like to find more meaning,
00:02:02,449 --> 00:02:04,260
00:02:04,269 --> 00:02:06,160
If you'd like to change direction,
00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:10,770
then we're going to focus together on living intentionally.
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:23,789
The first episode covered a few things and one is that I think the first step toward being intentional is having this increased self-awareness.
00:02:24,149 --> 00:02:37,429
And I feel like that's one of the greatest blessings of understanding our neurology and going through the diagnostic process about autism to see what,
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:41,460
how am I wired and what does my system need?
00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:43,649
How do I interact with people?
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:46,210
What do I find uh joy in,
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:46,770
00:02:46,779 --> 00:02:54,289
What drains me and we have this elevated understanding of ourselves.
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:57,289
Um That is part of that process.
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:02,229
So I think after that process of self awareness,
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:09,410
if we do identify areas where we would like to grow or expand in some way,
00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:11,309
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:17,339
And we covered this in the initial episode is to think of categories in our life.
00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:24,490
And I invited you to do this um to see where you might want to shift.
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:32,490
One of the categories we talked about was within the area of a special interest.
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:37,470
The second was within the area of health and wellness.
00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,559
The third was regulation,
00:03:40,889 --> 00:03:46,699
that means the ability to stay centered with things like alertness,
00:03:46,889 --> 00:03:49,880
00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:53,380
We also talked about 1/4 category,
00:03:53,389 --> 00:03:54,729
00:03:55,169 --> 00:04:04,699
1/5 as everyday tasks kind of like staying on top of those chores and daily things that can be hard to get a rhythm for.
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:10,600
And the sixth would be something like family and household culture.
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,130
So if you're living in a household with other people,
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:19,170
and these are people who are wired differently than each other.
00:04:19,179 --> 00:04:26,690
Sometimes focusing on the culture of the household can be a rewarding area of growth.
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:30,410
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:38,470
I would like you to bring your thoughts of what areas you would like to find more meaning in and to have more intention for.
00:04:38,730 --> 00:05:01,500
And we're going to talk about some basic um guidelines for making goals that you can stick with and that you can see change um in these areas without feeling overwhelmed and without kind of stopping in the middle and like our um New Year's resolutions.
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:01,980
00:05:02,059 --> 00:05:03,109
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:12,369
but we want you to have this intention towards something and to give you some structure of how big should the goal be and,
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:16,399
and how quickly should I work toward it and all of these things,
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:20,869
I just want to give you some framework to see if this framework helps you.
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:26,579
The first thing I'd like you to do is to take stock of where you are now.
00:05:27,059 --> 00:05:30,279
So if you chose a health and wellness goal,
00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:33,709
if you chose a household culture goal,
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:40,970
I just want you to think about where you are right now in this area.
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:45,100
So don't focus on the end goal.
00:05:45,109 --> 00:05:47,350
Let's just focus on where you are.
00:05:49,690 --> 00:05:53,500
Someone may say for health and wellness.
00:05:53,510 --> 00:05:53,980
00:05:53,989 --> 00:06:00,299
where I'm at is that I probably walk 10 minutes after work twice a week.
00:06:00,989 --> 00:06:13,000
Another person in the area of everyday tasks may want to really stay on top of bill paying and financial management.
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,989
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:15,279
00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:26,760
where I'm at right now is that I tend to um go overboard and spend more than I have in my bank account about four times a month.
00:06:26,989 --> 00:06:38,209
So we're just taking stock whatever your category is for growth and meaning maybe take stock of where you are now.
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:47,000
And um knowing that you would like to be in a different spot at some point in the future.
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:55,269
The next step is to create a goal where you're just going to take that one step forward.
00:06:56,130 --> 00:07:02,420
Um What we want to do is to make this goal really achievable.
00:07:02,429 --> 00:07:05,779
We want to set ourselves up for success.
00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:13,829
We want to be able to see the end of the goal and we want the goal to be on the lower side of effort.
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:23,880
One way to create this type of goal is to think about time spent toward your ultimate destination.
00:07:26,269 --> 00:07:27,730
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:32,179
in the area of movement and exercise.
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:44,149
Someone may realize that they're walking a certain amount after work every week and they may add time to that current routine.
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:50,730
So someone who wants to have more movement in their life or to get outdoors more frequently,
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:52,529
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:52,869
00:07:52,880 --> 00:08:04,049
I'm going to add 15 minutes a week to my current routine of being outside or of walking in the neighborhood and moving.
00:08:04,290 --> 00:08:04,570
00:08:04,579 --> 00:08:06,829
just getting that movement in,
00:08:06,839 --> 00:08:08,549
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:16,630
Another person who wants to work toward achieving skills in a certain area,
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:26,850
maybe they're working toward a promotion or they would like to learn a new skill for fun within perhaps within their special interests.
00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:35,580
The goal may be to spend a certain amount of time per week learning this new skill.
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,690
If they're currently not learning anything about it,
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:42,750
they might want to start with 20 minutes a week.
00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,190
If they're already doing 20,
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,049
they might want to increase by 15,
00:08:48,849 --> 00:08:54,260
whatever the stepwise time goal might be for you,
00:08:54,270 --> 00:08:57,780
that would make sense in your area of interest.
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:02,979
That may be a way that you'd like to construct what your actual goal is.
00:09:04,049 --> 00:09:13,780
You can also think of it as doing a certain fraction or a certain percentage of the work toward the ultimate goal.
00:09:14,739 --> 00:09:20,969
If someone would like to have intentionality in the area of their special interest,
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:22,479
00:09:22,489 --> 00:09:32,570
some of their short stories may be a goal where they're at currently is they have a collection of 50 short stories,
00:09:33,049 --> 00:09:36,549
most of which are within a science fiction genre.
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:45,770
They've never taken a class on creative writing or on marketing for their own business.
00:09:46,549 --> 00:09:58,960
What they might do is sit down with a friend and talk about all the steps that they might want to take to make this publishing goal most successful.
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,719
00:10:02,729 --> 00:10:03,460
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:04,760
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:10,059
One might be taking a free online course in creative writing.
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:20,020
Another might be joining a local writers group in their community to become part of a network for writers.
00:10:22,270 --> 00:10:29,919
Another goal might be learning how to create a website or how to publish their own material online.
00:10:30,919 --> 00:10:35,179
They would want to take one of these multiple steps.
00:10:35,239 --> 00:10:37,679
So if they've identified 20,
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:49,909
they may just want to take one goal then they'd have to figure out is this goal small enough that I can see the end.
00:10:50,270 --> 00:11:05,979
I know I can have success and it doesn't feel too effortful if they're going to sign up for a free online class in creative writing that may feel super easy or it may feel too big.
00:11:07,239 --> 00:11:08,880
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:13,400
you would want to break that task down.
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:23,239
So the first step might be to investigate some free online options to choose from.
00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:37,309
If someone has a goal to participate in additional community activities or to get out of the house a bit more often,
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:57,130
they may make a goal to attend one community event per month uh with a friend Or they may make a goal to spend 15 minutes at a community event before they decide whether they want to come home.
00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,200
This just gives a bit of structure,
00:12:00,309 --> 00:12:12,630
but the whole process is meant to just help make one step forward and not to have a goal that's too big or too effortful.
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,849
So we should be able to see the end.
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:19,989
We should know that it takes some effort that it takes us out of our comfort zone,
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,359
but that we also are set up for success.
00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:27,710
The next step would be thinking of a timeline.
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:41,849
If someone has a goal in the area of regulation and they identify that they would like to be more intentional about their sleep wake cycle.
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:50,000
They may determine that they'll watch how they do with their goal across two weeks.
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:58,320
Perhaps their goal is to get up at the same time every day and after two weeks,
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:10,919
they can evaluate how easy or difficult that goal was to achieve for someone who's wanting to stay on top of the dishes every day.
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:24,380
They may also pick a week or two weeks as a time frame that they can monitor their success or stop and reevaluate if the stepwise goal feels like it's been too difficult.
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:32,059
But here comes the most important step we've looked at creating that step forward goal,
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:34,520
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:43,190
And this third part I would say is the most important this is picking a strategy to have success.
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,270
What does not work is just saying,
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:47,630
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:48,880
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:50,630
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,690
I'm intentional about the goal and I have this time frame.
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,710
I'm just going to do it this time,
00:13:57,039 --> 00:13:59,890
even though it's been really hard in the past.
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,690
What happens with that is that we're able to spurt towards some goal,
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:05,919
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:08,090
but it's very difficult to maintain.
00:14:09,590 --> 00:14:12,719
So what I'd like you to do when you have a goal,
00:14:12,729 --> 00:14:14,099
00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:16,359
you have a little chunk that you're gonna work on.
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,630
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,549
what's my strategy for accomplishing this goal?
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,390
Never move forward without a strategy.
00:14:26,659 --> 00:14:28,349
If you can't think of one,
00:14:28,359 --> 00:14:30,710
ask a friend or a family member,
00:14:34,210 --> 00:14:42,869
one strategy could be in the area of remembering how can I remember to take my supplies to school?
00:14:42,979 --> 00:14:46,979
How can I remember to do the dishes before I go to bed?
00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:53,409
Another strategy may have to do with adding fun to the task.
00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,340
How can I make this task less,
00:14:56,349 --> 00:14:57,260
00:14:57,270 --> 00:14:58,750
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:04,469
Maybe I could do it while music is playing or an audio book,
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:11,419
maybe I could make a race out of it to see if I can get it done within a certain amount of time.
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:22,229
Perhaps there are ways that I could use a strategy to make the task easier learning about how to streamline the task,
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:26,640
looking at other ways people do the task to make it easier,
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:28,140
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:35,460
Another strategy I could use is offering myself a reward for success.
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,710
Maybe I say if I'm successful for eight weeks in a row,
00:15:40,969 --> 00:15:46,030
I get to buy myself this thing that is not too expensive,
00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:47,179
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:47,630
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,510
that would be off limits for me.
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:54,429
But I'm gonna reward myself after I reach this time frame.
00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,719
After you've chosen a strategy,
00:15:58,099 --> 00:15:59,659
00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:03,179
you have a small goal that you're set up for success with.
00:16:03,190 --> 00:16:08,789
Then it's time to put your plan into action after the week or two weeks.
00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:15,830
What you're going to do is to kind of have an evaluation and debriefing with yourself.
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:21,020
The first part of the evaluation is I achieve my goal.
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:36,049
Also think about how effortful was it to achieve what I did achieve if you achieve the goal and you were consistent about it across two weeks and it did not feel too hard or effortful.
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:42,700
You may decide that you're ready to add another step forward goal to your momentum.
00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:47,739
If you did 10% of the small task toward your goal,
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:58,530
you could add on another 10% goal or you could add on another 15 minutes of the type of task you were doing to meet your goal.
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:05,660
Remember to keep a strategy if you need to shift based on your new goal,
00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:07,530
your new step forward goal,
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:08,949
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:16,459
If you achieved your goal,
00:17:16,699 --> 00:17:23,500
but you pulled it off and are really tired and don't know if you could do that again,
00:17:24,098 --> 00:17:30,218
then you probably need to evaluate whether the goal is small enough,
00:17:30,229 --> 00:17:37,869
whether it's easy enough in the sense that we all have areas of our life that we would say,
00:17:38,509 --> 00:17:39,088
00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:40,489
00:17:40,499 --> 00:17:42,909
this area really wipes me out.
00:17:42,918 --> 00:17:48,759
I just have a huge struggle in this category of my life.
00:17:48,769 --> 00:17:51,568
Maybe you need to start in a different category.
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,569
But if you can make the step forward goal easier,
00:17:55,930 --> 00:17:56,930
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:00,780
If you can use a strategy that will help you more,
00:18:00,849 --> 00:18:02,089
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:18,390
you wouldn't want to add on to your plan until you got that goal achieved in a way that starts to feel pretty effortless like I'm doing this because this is what I do.
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,979
00:18:19,989 --> 00:18:27,150
It's built into my routine and then you don't have to effort as much to keep it going.
00:18:27,479 --> 00:18:30,609
That's when you add just a little bit more to it.
00:18:32,439 --> 00:18:35,170
What do you do if you did not meet your goal?
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:35,530
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:36,859
00:18:37,020 --> 00:18:42,079
You would step back and evaluate why you may ask yourself.
00:18:42,089 --> 00:18:46,449
Did I use the strategy that I created for this goal?
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:52,020
If you did and you were not successful with the goal,
00:18:52,089 --> 00:19:00,119
you probably have to reevaluate the strategy or you may need to add another strategy on top of that.
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,150
Maybe you used a remembering goal,
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,969
but that wasn't enough to give you the momentum.
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:12,750
You need to just get that new behavioral set into your repertoire.
00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:15,849
Maybe you also need to make it easier,
00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:19,030
make it fun or give yourself a reward.
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,829
Maybe you need someone to be accountable to,
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:23,589
maybe that's your strategy.
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,130
You should also ask yourself,
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:28,089
00:19:28,859 --> 00:19:30,949
If I didn't reach my goals?
00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:38,089
Maybe it was because I had the intention of using reminders or making it fun.
00:19:38,209 --> 00:19:41,680
But I didn't actually follow through with that.
00:19:43,589 --> 00:19:44,130
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,849
then you would evaluate that as well.
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,209
Is this strategy too hard?
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:54,449
Is it too complex and involved in energy draining?
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,290
What other strategies could you think of?
00:19:57,599 --> 00:20:03,280
Do you need to layer something in or do you have to scrap the first strategy and try again?
00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:08,239
What strategies do other people use or find successful?
00:20:08,869 --> 00:20:12,020
What ideas can you glean from other people?
00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:16,920
You're always able to say no to someone's suggestion of a strategy,
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,640
but only if you have a counter offer.
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,000
00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:21,260
00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:22,839
this still isn't working.
00:20:22,959 --> 00:20:25,199
I'd like you to try this strategy.
00:20:25,619 --> 00:20:26,540
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,660
I'd rather not use that strategy,
00:20:28,670 --> 00:20:31,339
but only if you have a counter offer.
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:37,089
If you can say I've thought of this other strategy,
00:20:37,099 --> 00:20:38,729
then you can run with that.
00:20:39,609 --> 00:20:40,020
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:49,469
the nice thing about this process is you're learning not only perhaps a new skill that is your goal.
00:20:49,479 --> 00:20:54,829
Um learning how to create a family culture that works in your home.
00:20:55,229 --> 00:20:59,780
Uh Learning how to stay regulated in a way that matches you.
00:21:00,430 --> 00:21:02,199
You're not only learning those things,
00:21:02,209 --> 00:21:06,890
but you're learning this process of growth.
00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:12,650
So I wish I were in a different place in this area of my life.
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:17,280
How can I start that shift?
00:21:17,290 --> 00:21:22,510
How can I think about doing it without feeling overwhelmed or like,
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,689
00:21:25,069 --> 00:21:25,939
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:30,790
I can't get any forward momentum toward change.
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:31,410
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:38,089
this is a way that you can practice a process for living with more intention.
00:21:38,510 --> 00:21:40,420
Where would I like to be?
00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:42,500
00:21:42,819 --> 00:21:47,060
How can I make small steps forward to guarantee that?
00:21:47,069 --> 00:21:48,959
I know I can have success.
00:21:49,459 --> 00:21:56,979
How can I create strategy and timelines and then evaluate what needs to be shifted?
00:21:57,729 --> 00:22:03,819
And what you'll notice too is you may get a great momentum for your goal.
00:22:03,829 --> 00:22:10,810
Maybe you are doing the dishes every night or you're moving for 15 minutes after work every day.
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:17,500
What will happen is you'll have momentum for that for maybe a long period of time.
00:22:18,290 --> 00:22:19,839
00:22:19,849 --> 00:22:31,000
something in your life will change and you'll realize that now the strategies you were using aren't really gonna work quite as well anymore.
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:34,630
And that's really part of that normal human process too.
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,369
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:49,859
the process of creating strategies of evaluating things of making these small steps forward that can be successful when you do need to reevaluate and get back on board with the goal.
00:22:50,290 --> 00:23:00,040
That's something that you can go back to that skill in itself is something you keep with you and you can use in lots of different areas of life.
00:23:00,050 --> 00:23:03,780
We will continue to talk about living with intention,
00:23:03,790 --> 00:23:09,844
meaning growth and having success with all steps forward.
00:23:09,954 --> 00:23:17,564
Next time when we talk more about strategies and goals within these different categories,
00:23:17,574 --> 00:23:20,025
we mentioned special interests,
00:23:20,035 --> 00:23:22,135
health and wellness regulation,
00:23:22,194 --> 00:23:23,255
00:23:23,265 --> 00:23:26,785
everyday tasks and family and household culture.
00:23:27,255 --> 00:23:28,785
I hope you'll join me then.