Awake In Relationship

O31 In exchange for so called free services like Google products, social media, or online dating apps we offer in return our most precious asset - our attention.  Most people in the western world now spend 11 or more hours a day online.  Attention is a zero sum game. The more time we spend doom scrolling on Twitter or creating, consuming and sharing online content the less focus and empathy we have left over for the people in our lives.

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with author and educator Dr Charles Chaffin about the power of our attention in the information age and his book Numb: How the information age dulls our senses and how to get them back. In this conversation we discuss the perils of online life for our mental well being and focus. We also explore how to reclaim attention and put the ‘social’ back in social media by using online tools to enhance existing relationships and build connections.

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030 As mammals we are wired for pleasure, but how we actualize our desires has never seemed more complex.  The pandemic has added new layers of anxiety to the simple human need for intimacy and connection. Touch can be healing and transformative when mindfully given and received.  Consent is an ongoing process of agreements rather than a destination.  As partners in pleasure it is possible to move beyond old wounds and expand our capacity for joy. 

In this episode of Awake In Relationship I speak with Betty Martin regarding her new book The Art of Giving and Receiving:The Wheel of Consent and how to arrive at YES in any relationship.  We also discuss how relaxation and the curiosity to follow your own pleasure can lead to deeper ecstatic states in intimacy.

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029 ON AIR is a pithy monologue by the host of Awake In Relationship Silas Rose  featuring commentary on  topics arising from interviews and current affairs.  As we enter the fourth wave of the global pandemic polarization threatens to derail the public health response and divide family and friends. How can we meet the challenge of the climate crisis if we cant even have a conversation?  In this instalment of ON AIR Silas explores the middle way,  the rare space where love and our shared humanity reside. 

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028 Dancing is something shared among all cultures to express joy and foster deep connection. How we move our body to music, especially with others can be very vulnerable and invoke awkward feelings and fear.  Think Elaine Benis dancing at the staff party on the sitcom Seinfeld. Like any mindfulness practice dance goes deep and sometimes shows us where we are stuck and need to move.

In this episode of AIR I speak with Anne Marie Hogya, Occupational Therapist and 5 Rhythms dance facilitator about taking risks on the dance floor and the crossovers to creativity and flow in daily life.  We also explore dance as a mindfulness practice and how to transform our stuck emotions like fear into an experience of freedom with movement.

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027 Returning to ‘normal’ after the collective trauma of the global pandemic will take more than a vaccine. Hyper vigilance and fear of can narrow our window of tolerance for connection and prevent us from forming new healthy relationships. The ability to be fully present with others depends on a safe and empathetic container.  Compassionate exchange is a practice of reconnecting to the body, letting go of emotional reactivity and communicating from the heart.

In this episode of AIR I speak with Dr Melissa Moore, founder of Karuna Training, about  contemplative psychology and the role of compassion in addressing the mental, physical and emotional challenges of post pandemic life, including social isolation, uncertainty and burnout. We also discuss how compassion can serve as the foundation for a renewed sense of community and civic life in these polarizing times.

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026  For close to a year forest activists in the Fairy Creek watershed have been defending the last unprotected stand of coastal old growth on Southern Vancouver Island.  Fairy Creek is the latest salvo in a conflict that goes back decades. In 1993 mass protests in Clayoquot Sound, dubbed ‘the war in the woods’, gave birth to an international movement to protect ancient forests and highlighted the failed forestry policies that pit workers against protesters and disenfranchise and divide indigenous communities.  

History is repeating itself again. This time with the renewed urgency of the climate crisis. In this episode of AIR I speak with Elizabeth Noble, campaign fundraiser at the Sierra Club BC about the the history of old growth logging in British Columbia and the struggle to protect what is left.  We also discuss the innate value of ancient forests for well being and mitigating the effects of climate change, as well as policy solutions that respect First Nations title and rights over the land.

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025 To thrive in an uncertain world kids need to develop the capacity to be resilient in the face of change. Wild places are the ultimate training ground for youth to cultivate inner strength, interpersonal skills and a love of the natural world. However, with more of life being lived online many parents struggle to get their children off devices and into the outdoors.  In this episode of AIR I speak with Dr Nevin Harper about adventure and nature based therapy, the virtues of risky play and the need to support kids and teens in facing adversity on the journey to adulthood.

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024 The longing to love and be loved is a universal human experience that can inspire great joy or plunge us into the deepest psychological hell.  Our expectations about a romantic partner are often unrealistic and locate the source of love as external to us.  What if love was not a mythical destination, but a way of being in the world that is accessible to all regardless of your relationship status?  In this episode of AIR I speak with Indrus Piche, a transpersonal therapist and sacred sexuality teacher about unrequited needs in long term relationships and the everyday practice of embodying love. We also discuss how singles can stay open to the possibilities of love during the arduous search for the right partner.


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023 Fathers are often held to a god like standard and judged harshly when they fall.   For young men coming into adulthood there is longing for something only their fathers can provide and without this transference the journey feels incomplete.  Bill Gaston is a Giller Nominated, award winning author and lecturer living in Victoria BC.  In his recent memoire, Just Let Me Look At You Bill reflects on the meaning of fatherhood, family secrets and forgiveness.  In this episode I talk with Bill Gaston about finding empathy for our all too human fathers, even after they have passed.  We also explore the unique blocks to intimacy and connection between fathers and sons.

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If you have been loving what you are hearing on AIR  please rate, review and subscribe to get the latest content fresh to your device.  Sign up for our newsletter at awakeinrelationship.com to learn about upcoming programs and events.

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022  During Covid 19 how we work, shop, do yoga, relate with family and find a mate has moved online.  The internet has connected us during a time of crisis, but  connectivity doesn’t equal connection.  As more of life is lived online our perception of the world is being shaped by powerful algorithms in ways that often  undermine real relationships and our shared sense of humanity.  In this episode of ON AIR I talk about the transition from analog relationships to the emerging Internet of Things and how mindfulness can help us reclaim  connection in the real world.