I was surprised by it.

I know we are all getting older and I like how I am aging and how I am with this process. I am friends with death and have made my peace with it whenever and however it takes this body.

But there was something that caught me off-guard tonight.

As we sat waiting for the overtime period to begin and I looked at the score tied at 49-49, I found myself thinking about how in less than 20 minutes one of these groups of teenagers would be filled with elation, excitement, joy, happiness, and all that comes from accomplishing a big goal.

And the other group of teenagers would be on the opposite side of that emotional spectrum, filled with disappointment, anger, jealousy, sadness, regret, remorse, longing, and disbelief.

And we, as sort of neutral spectators, were getting ready to witness these pairs of opposites played out in front of us, in our minds, in our hearts, and in this shared space.

It is really quite an incredible scene and perhaps what draws us to it has quite little to do with just the game and quite a lot to do with the stakes of the game.

In addition to the feeling in the air, today marks the end of this month’s challenge of writing a daily essay and podcasting it. I’ve enjoyed it immensely. I have learned a lot. I am enjoying it. I am learning.

I never stopped doing ice baths. Today was 60-something in a row. Maybe I’ll just keep writing and podcasting, too. We’ll see. I’ll see.

What’s the next month-long challenge?

I’m not sure, yet.

...a story that is unfolding in a brain that is whole and full and beloved and loved and lovely and healing and healed and ready to accept more and more this wave of life that caught it up and broke left when it was expected to break right, but broke Right when it broke left and somehow never really broke at all except to be emptied and filled up with the ocean of life and love that is always waiting to fill the vessel, Love that enjoys mixed metaphors, laughs extravagantly, despairs openly, lets the fires of existence burn hotly, and just lets go and sees how this goes and goes and goes until the timer goes off and this wave is gone, but not gone, just resting in the ocean, again, like always.

If we can create ulcers and myriad other diseases in our bodies from worrying and being in an anxious state of being, what can we “create” in our bodies from using the power of our imagination in positive ways and living out our lives from a place of equanimity, spacious awareness, welcoming presence, love, and joy?

Richard Miller, the founder of iRest Yoga Nidra, says, “Psychological, physical, and spiritual integration unfolds naturally when we cease trying to rid ourselves of our experience and instead open to the full spectrum of opposites.” (Yoga Nidra, p. 76. 2022).

Working with opposites, I would invite both sensations into awareness at the same time and then I would be daydreaming about something until my mind would come on and say, “Hey! Isn’t this supposed to be excruciating?”


To which the body would reply, “I’m not sure what you call it, but it is present. And, also present is such and such and such…Feel…Feel…Feel...”

ne night, one of my teachers and I sat on a bridge above a river. We watched thoughts coming and going.

All through the night.

As the thoughts came and drifted closer and became clearer, my teacher would say,

"Well, are you going to go for a ride on this one? Or let it pass you by?”

Akin to the ideas of relax/release and noticing the opening/closing of the heart, the pause that refreshes is a staple of recovery and continual healing.

It’s a simple concept, but not an easy practice.

Right now, I’m feeling and being while thinking and doing.

They’re not really two sides of a see-saw.

I don’t have to get off of one side and watch the other side plummet to the ground.

They are kind of inseparable while we live in these bodies.

I am feeling and being while I am thinking and doing.

“Just as a desire leaps up,

And you perceive the flash, the sparkle,

Quit from its play,

And maintain awareness

In that clear and shining place

From which all desire springs.” (Radiance Sutras, p. 108)

I don’t have the ambition to be a famous or renowned player. I don’t have the symptoms I used to have that drove me toward it.

What do I have?

I was wondering this and as I just sat with the uncertainty, the one passion that was the beginning passion re-emerged: these are healing vessels to be used to facilitate the awakening and healing and comforting and transporting of self and others.

A warm smile moved across my whole being as I felt the deep resonance with my heartfelt desire to be with others as they wake up to who they are, why they are here, and what they long to do with their lives while on this wondrous orb we call Earth.

The handpan is just one of the tools.