AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

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Someone asked me: "How do I deal with the stories my mind makes up while waiting for him to respond?"

The mind is having a conversation, and here you are as the observer of the mind. Whatever the content is, it could be anything, because if it's not this, it will be something else, and the mind will keep choosing the next thing for as long as we have a thing called the mind. If you don't pay attention, it takes a leash, puts it on you and takes you out for a walk, so the crux of the work is to step back into your seat as the observer.

I talk about the question under the question, why you can't make them respond quicker, how the mind fills up the blanks when it doesn't have the information, putting your focus on things that nourish you while you wait, and why control and love cannot coexist.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 You're the Observer of the Mind's Conversation

00:55 Whatever the Content Is, the Mind Will Choose the Next Thing

01:31 The Question Under the Question, and Why We Suffer

02:33 The Mind Takes a Leash, and You Become the Pet

03:47 It Teaches Us Patience, and You Can't Make Them Respond Quicker

05:06 When It Doesn't Have the Information, It Fills Up the Blanks

05:56 Observe It, Don't Tussle With It, and the Practice Grows Your Patience

07:15 Put Your Focus on Things That Nourish You While You Wait

08:00 The Powerful Thing About Waiting, and Why Control and Love Cannot Coexist

08:57 Until We Grow, We Keep Getting That Lesson Back

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LRUw2pD_ubs

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep69-waiting-for-a-reply

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "How do I own my part in where I've ended up.. without beating myself up over it?"

Just because we have awareness of the pattern doesn't mean you don't fall into it. So I would say the first part is to stop, take a breath and scratch that CD, and if it's too late and I'm already sitting in shame, to ask what I really need right now. I think it's okay to have some days just be a write-off, and the best thing I can do is not make it worse.

I talk about what I've learned over the years, that so often when things don't go to plan, if I loosen my grip on how I think it needs to be, there's room for some magic. I also talk about the what could have been thing as the gripping, why the highest priority is always our health, pausing and feeling the shame fully, and making a different decision.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 Once the Decision Is Made, the Machine Lights Up Like a Christmas Tree

01:26 Awareness of the Pattern Doesn't Mean You Don't Fall Into It

02:26 Stop, Scratch That CD, and Ask What You Really Need Right Now

05:01 It's Okay to Have Some Days Just Be a Write-Off

06:51 Loosen Your Grip, and There's Room for Some Magic

09:09 Park the Task, Because the Highest Priority Is Always Our Health

10:35 The What Could Have Been Thing Is the Gripping

11:54 Pause and Feel the Shame Fully, Then Go Underneath It

13:17 We Can Also Make a Different Decision, Like a Half-Hour Nap

14:48 You Start to See It Play Out, Like the Pieces on a Chess Board

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/fkKYfElbNII

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep68-owning-your-part-without-beating-yourself-up

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "I don't like what AI is doing to the world, but I use it to create images and it gives me anxiety.. how do I navigate this?"

This is just my opinion, from my own experience. I agree we can end up relying on AI because it makes things easy, or seem easier, and then we stop doing the thing we can bring the most value in, which is thinking. I don't think it's going to go away, so I might as well learn how to use it and do as much good as I can, rather than burying my head in the sand.

I talk about AI slop and why being real stands out, the tractor and the kettle, what part I can play, values that can grow and change, and what is actually causing the anxiety. My advice is to start with the first word you don't understand, and take it one word at a time.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 Relying on AI, and the Thinking We Stop Doing

02:42 AI Slop, and Why People Still Want a Real Person

04:22 Put Your Own Voice to It, and Being Real Stands Out

07:09 A Tool Like the Tractor, and How to Use the Superpower

09:13 Let It Take the Mundane, So There's More of What Matters

11:35 It's Not Going Away, So What Part Can I Play?

15:34 What Aligns With You, and Values That Can Grow

16:52 Where the Anxiety Comes From: Not Feeling in Control

19:49 My Advice: Start With the First Word

21:14 Learn the Basics, and Feel Less Overwhelmed

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oPx-Fcybe2c

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep67-anxiety-about-using-ai

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "How do I manage feelings of resentment towards a person while in the conversation and afterwards?"

When we feel out of control, or maybe we haven't actually said the thing or done the thing, we let it kind of slip, and then it gets worse. If I'm not saying it, I'm harbouring it, so resentment tends to build. I've learned to not respond when I'm feeling a big emotion, because it needs some time and space to be felt fully, so I practise generally not speaking and listening, and maybe I'd step away and sit with it.

I don't know the situation you're talking about, so I'm just trying to give different scenarios, and this is just me personally. I talk about how much truth there is in what they're saying, the things I haven't said, why we each have our own map of the world, the best time to say the thing, and what I do afterwards in meditation, asking for forgiveness, soul to soul.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 Resentment Builds When We Haven't Said the Thing

01:01 I've Learned to Not Respond When I'm Feeling a Big Emotion

02:55 Sit With It, Then Zoom Out: How Much Truth Is There?

05:09 My Part, Their Part, and the Things I Haven't Said

07:04 The Best Time to Say the Thing Is When You Can Express Clearly

08:29 Our Maps Are Different, and That's a Good Thing

10:02 Breathe and Listen, Then Ask for Forgiveness, Soul to Soul

11:29 When You Can't Respond: Sit With How Much of It Is True

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OHeC2dO_Zrs

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep66-resentment-during-a-conversation

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "I keep overeating before bed because I'm worried I'll get hungry and won't sleep.. how do I shift this fear?"

I would say the overeating is based on some fear, thoughts around sleep and food, and it's kind of like winding up a wind-up toy: you wind up the mind, then you try to go to sleep in that tension, and the body takes it on as well. When I can't sleep and I scan my body, I find tension patterns, and it doesn't take too many rounds of full body scans before I tend to fall asleep. Then I put a steady foundation in place with little tweaks, because the body is always speaking and the question is whether we're listening.

I'm not a sleep expert, so this is from my own experience. I talk about the thinking machine, the busy mind, a sleep reset that showed me a whole different reality, starting small, the energy of food, and what happened when I lay down on the ground in the park.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 Fear Is Thoughts Winding Up the Mind

01:59 When I Can't Sleep, I Scan My Body

05:36 Experiment, and Listen to the Body's Signals

06:58 Make It Easier on Yourself With a Steady Foundation

09:44 Start Small, With Little Tweaks

12:57 Sit Down and Eat, With No Devices

16:28 The Energy of Food

18:08 What Does Your Body Need Right Now?

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/l4Zs6-Em_nk

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep65-overeating-before-bed-from-fear

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "I've met someone I'm interested in, but I keep fantasising about our future.. how do I keep it in check so I don't freak him out?"

One of the things our mind does is take the bits of information it has and make up whatever it doesn't know, and when something new comes into its awareness, it tends to focus on it and obsess on it. At the beginning it makes the person more than they are, so I would say calm down, take a breath, get into your body and see them as they are. Not less, not more.

I'm not a relationship coach, so this is just from what I've seen. I talk about red flags, taking it step by step, why they're not your person anyway, and how forcing a result is like forcing the petals of a flower open.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 The Mind Makes Up Whatever It Doesn't Know

01:01 When Someone Comes Into Your Space, Off Into Fantasy Land

02:09 Calm Down, Take a Breath, See Them as They Are

03:16 Red Flags, and Why None of Us Are Done

05:11 Step by Step, So Don't Freak Him Out

05:47 They're Not Your Person Anyway

06:53 Don't Force the Petals Open, and Let Yourself Enjoy It

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iqFNjdHBlT0

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep64-fantasising-about-someone-new

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover your inner work type: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Start your 7-day free trial of elev8 Premium: yoga, meditation and inner work with me, and a community doing it alongside you. https://www.skool.com/elev8/about

Someone asked me: "How do I become aware of the parts of myself that I don't even have the awareness to see yet?"

The short answer is that I haven't discovered a way to completely be aware of all the things I'm not aware of, and I'm speaking for myself there. So I would say it's a continuous journey for us mere mortals. What I've found is that it's always easier for others around us to see it, hear it and feel it first, which is why I would suggest community is a really powerful element.

Then there's what we can do ourselves. The roller coaster and the tumble dryer, the body giving clues before the mind does, the background question like "why does this always happen to me?", and what it's like for someone else to be on the receiving end of me. I also talk about feeling the emotion without drowning in it, and what past me and future me would say.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 The Short Answer: It's a Continuous Journey

00:58 Others Around Us See It First

03:22 The Roller Coaster and the Tumble Dryer

05:03 The Body Gives Clues Before the Mind

06:35 The Question You Keep Asking Yourself

09:06 Step Outside and Look In at Yourself

10:55 Feel It, Without Drowning in It

11:46 Breath, Body, Emotion, Mind, and Then External

13:06 What Would Past You and Future You Say?

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/iPCTHUZApx4

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep63-see-your-blind-spots

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover your inner work type: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Someone asked me: "I just got promoted and some of my old work friends have gone cold on me.. how do I handle it without becoming someone I'm not?"

What I've learned, or I'm still learning, is that different people need to be communicated to in different ways. A one or two word answer is plenty for one person, and for someone else it's "oh my god, what's wrong?" Then there's the promotion. I'm guessing, but maybe there's something around rank, for example, and who knows what's going on in their minds.

In corporate, around 20 years ago, I was friendly, kind, helpful and supportive, and I wasn't at work to make friends. That's just what I did, and you don't need to follow me. I also talk about the office gossip, being softer and still clear, and finding mentors. Some people will put you in a box and call you arrogant, and I've had that many times.

In this episode

Chapters

00:00 Different People Need Different Communication

02:59 The Rank Insecurity of Former Peers

05:19 Work Is Not For Making Friends

07:24 Escaping the Gossip Crew

09:35 High Performer Mindset

10:36 Softening Communication Without Losing Clarity

12:17 Find Mentors, Not Another Group

13:38 Accepting That Some Will Hate Your Success

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/EvuiRMQdc4o

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep62-promoted-work-friends-gone-cold

Come and sit with us in the free Elevate Community on Skool: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

Take the free quiz to discover your inner work type: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Someone asked me this in a recent satsang: "Why do I feel so hurt when family or friends don't show up for me the way I expect them to?"

Most of us know that feeling. Something hard happens, and you find out fairly quickly who steps forward, who's just sort of there, and who disappears.

Here's the part that took me a long time to see. They're just getting on with their life, dealing with their own stuff. It doesn't make them bad people. So me expecting everyone to go out of their way to help.. I would say that's not a reasonable expectation. That's me making something up that isn't real. The only one expecting something is me, and it's from that expectation that I'm causing myself to suffer.

So now I try to place people where they actually are. Some belong in the inner circle, some in an outer circle. That's not a punishment, it's just what the relationship is. And when I drop the expectation and let it be whatever it wants to be, I suffer less, and strangely the relationship tends to last longer.

The bit I'd most want you to hear: don't grieve a relationship that's not dead yet. A lot of the time I'm the one quietly cutting it off, and then grieving a loss that never happened. Maybe what we're really grieving is the expectation.. that it could have been a certain way, and it isn't.

Chapters

00:00 Why the same lesson keeps coming back

Questions answered in this episode

Why does it hurt so much when friends or family don't show up? Because of the expectation underneath it. The only person holding it is you, which is also why you're the one who can put it down.

Is it unreasonable to expect people to be there for me? Expecting everyone to go out of their way isn't reasonable. It's usually something we made up rather than something anyone agreed to.

Should I cut off family who don't support me? Usually not. Often it's as small as muting some of the conversations, or moving someone to an outer circle without making them wrong for it.

Why am I grieving a friendship that hasn't ended? Because frequently it hasn't. The mind decides "that's it" and pulls away, then grieves something that isn't over.

How do I stop being disappointed by people? Drop the expectation, and turn towards the people who actually show up rather than chasing the ones who don't.

About this episode

This answer came from a live satsang, an open question and answer session Dylan Ayaloo holds every Friday at 6:30pm inside the free Elevate Community on Skool.

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep61-when-people-dont-show-up

Want to join me live weekly in our Satsang sessions? Happens every Friday 6:30pm uk in our free community: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

🌱 What's your pattern? Take the free 2-minute quiz: dylanayaloo.com/quiz

Someone asked me this in a recent satsang: "I feel like I'm conditioned to be rushing and doing things quicker than they need to be.. what am I afraid will happen if I slow down?"

I don't know what it is for you.. but I can guess. What we do consistently becomes a habit. Do it long enough and it's conditioned, and then it just feels like who I am. It becomes part of our identity.

Here's a random example of how the machine wires itself up, and I don't know what it is for you without a conversation.. rushing meant productive, productive meant liked and accepted, and accepted felt like being loved. Take off all the middle bits and join a straight line to it: rushing equals feeling loved. So if you're not rushing, that's a threat to your identity and who you believe you are.. and underneath that, most likely, it's love in some way. We're all wired for love.

Then there's the other part, which is simpler. You've rushed all your life, so not rushing is new. It's the unknown, and nobody really wants to step into the unknown without something predictable to hold onto. And there's a vigilant part in the background going, hmm, are you sure? Because rushing worked for you.

When the pieces are resettling, it's unsettling. It's scary. It's new. You're going, oh my God, are the pieces going to land in the right place for me? I need control. And that's part of growth.. that's an expansion. When a child grows they say growing pains. Bones growing, muscles growing. It's not comfortable. It's not growing comfort, is it.. it's growing pains.

So what to do about it, even though you didn't ask.. let the pieces settle. Give it some space and time.

Chapters

00:00 The habit of rushing

Questions answered in this episode

Why am I always rushing, even when nothing is urgent? Because rushing stopped being something you do and became something you are. Practised long enough, a habit turns into part of your identity.

Why can't I slow down? What's under threat is your identity, and the love you unconsciously wired to being productive.

Why does slowing down feel so uncomfortable? You've never done it this way before, so slowing down means stepping into the unknown, and the mind wants something predictable to hold onto.

Is that unsettled feeling a sign something is wrong? No. Shake a snow globe and everything's stirred up for a while before it settles. The pieces are resettling in a new configuration.

Why does part of me resist slowing down even when I want to? There's a vigilant part in the background going, hmm, are you sure? Because rushing worked for you. It kept you accepted. It isn't going to hand that over quietly.

About this episode

This answer came from a live satsang, an open question and answer session that Dylan Ayaloo holds every Friday at 6:30pm inside the free Elevate Community on Skool. You bring the question, we look at it together.

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep60-the-rush-habit

Want to join me live weekly in our Satsang sessions? Happens every Friday 6:30pm uk in our free community: https://www.skool.com/elev8-free

🌱 What's your pattern? Take the free 2-minute quiz: dylanayaloo.com/quiz