Ayla and Potato3s: A Nightly Message From Your Best Friend

Well, my little potato, I love you. I started the day with breathwork and recording Day 18 of 30 Days of Pleasure, those meditations are easier when I let myself just breathe first. My facial felt amazing and I’m glad I did it. Big news: my brother’s giving me his old car! I wasn’t expecting it, but I’m grateful. Dinner with family was funny and warm, and now I’m thinking about writing again. I have a lot to build. It’s a lot but I know I’m doing it all for something real.

Today was slow, soft, and unexpectedly sweet. I went out with my sister, got upgraded tissues (yes, that made me happy), and recorded Day 17 of 30 Days of Pleasure. The heat made the audio still and grounding. I reflected on yesterday’s fantasy story and it surprised me with its gentleness. Safety, not sex, ended up being the deepest desire. That tenderness stayed with me all day. I realized maybe I’ve just needed warmth. Maybe I’ve been thawing. And I’m proud of the stories I tell, especially the ones that heal me.

I barely slept but still made it to the office with Dad, helped my brother get a car, and even held my niece while they handled paperwork. The biggest part of my day, though, was recording Day 16 of 30 Days of Pleasure. I expected a sexy story, but it turned emotional. I ended up crying and telling a fantasy about being safe, seen, and wanted from the start. It was sweet, surprising, healing, and totally me.

Today reminded me that rest is productivity too. I painted for the first time in 11 days, reworked my book formatting, and recorded Day 14 of 30 Days of Pleasure. Dad even bought me ground turkey, the sweetest moment of the day. I’m realizing I’ve earned a break, even if I feel like I should be doing more. I’m allowed to slow down, eat what I enjoy, and be soft with myself. Tomorrow? Maybe I’ll finally let myself pause. I deserve it. Yeah. I do. I really do.

Today was a restful reset. I skipped the gym to catch up on sleep, recorded Day 13 of 30 Days of Pleasure, and realized even how I lie down holds meaning: left side for sleep, right side for rest. I formatted my new book 55 Chains, updated my audio on GWA, and got an unexpected $50.30, which made me so happy. I cried over a beautiful Instagram story about family reconciliation. Even with all the ups and downs, I’m creating, healing, and believing better is coming.

Today was chaotic but better. I made turkey meatballs and lentils, finally ate something I wanted, and that simple act brought me joy. Family tension flared (again), but I stood my ground. I uploaded Day 11 of 30 Days of Pleasure, navigated noise, sighs, and yawns, and remembered laughter as pleasure. My book Permission to Fly is now on Audible, and I’m growing in every area, from iMovie to intuition. I’m still hoping, still believing. And today, I didn’t cry. That’s something.

Today was Mother’s Day, and it stirred up a lot: grief, longing, and fatigue. My relationships with both my mother and my son are distant, and I’m working on making peace with that. I recorded Day 10 of my audio series, started answering 55 deep questions to break the chains holding me back, and reminded myself that worth isn’t earned, it just is. I’m exhausted from surviving, from cobbling together meals, from always staying strong. But I’m still here. Still hoping. Still loving. Still letting it be.

Today reminded me how much I crave connection, even as I find strength in solitude. I returned a watch band I bought in hope, took a nap with the lights on, recorded Day 9 of my audio series, and ended up singing a Bible school song at 3 a.m. because it felt right. I’m in the teardown phase, rebuilding from the foundation up. It’s lonely, but I’m learning to shine anyway. To sing anyway. This little light of mine, I’m finally letting it shine. :)

Today I reflected on how creating feels more like play than work for me. I went to the gym, took a walk with my friend, caught up on a long-overdue video call, and recorded content that I hope helps someone feel safer in their body. I didn’t win a giveaway I was hoping for, and that stung but I still believe better things are coming. Creating, connecting and softening is how I keep showing up. Even on the quiet days. Especially on the quiet days. Because I’m building something sacred, piece by piece.

Today was a mix of softness and strain. My body’s sore from the gym, but I still showed up for yoga, my dad, and myself. I found a penny and took it as a sign, then received unexpected extra money and a McDonald’s meal on Dad’s card. I imagined my future safe space and recorded Day 7 of 30 Days of Pleasure. But I also felt the weight of living where I don’t feel free. Still, I’m growing. And I’m calling in merry, magical, marvelous movement aka growth without fear