Ayla and Potato3s: A Nightly Message From Your Best Friend

Today was not easy. I didn’t fight back, I froze. Dissociated. Forgot to breathe. But even in that silence, something in me refused to disappear. I’m not here to be Jesus. I’m Ayla. And somehow, I’m still the bearer of light. Even when it flickers and maybe especially so.

Today I stood my ground. I told my brother I won’t force a relationship where I’m not welcome. It hurt but it was healing. I’m learning to let go without needing to be forgiven. And honestly? Listening is a big deal. Thank you

Today marks Day 55 and my quiet reveal: I finally told the world I have a podcast. After 327 episodes and 3 years of audio healing, I’m learning to share my voice unmasked. I love you, thank you you for being here and thank you for listening.

I tried to push through exhaustion but my body said no. Today unraveled with workouts cut short, family stress, and unmet goals. I cried, paused, prayed, and remembered I’m human. Healing isn’t just doing, it’s resting too. So tonight, I’m breathing and believing again.

I rested today and soaked in the symbolism of water: liquid prayer, soft release. I drank more, nourished more, and trusted more. My bank account turned positive, my spirit steadied, and I even defended lemon water online. I’m healing, hydrating, and choosing peace.

I shared a Psalm 91 prayer and found comfort in the song Leave a Light On. Today reminded me why I keep showing up, so no one feels alone. From rest practices to mandarins from my dad, even small gestures are proof that love exists.

I read a grounding prayer from my new book, visited a serene park, and toured an apartment that felt like a sign. I’m learning to rest, hydrate, and care for myself better with a cozy blanket, soft music, sleep, and storytime included. Healing begins here.

Today was my half birthday, and I gifted myself happiness. From strawberry shortcake to a joyful, naked dance in the mirror, I leaned fully into what felt good. I let go of pressure, chose songs that made me smile, and created a sensory world just for me: perfumes, music, movement, presence. Even with nervous energy or chewed nails from test stress, I found peace in breathing, play, and grounding. I’m learning rest is active too. Today felt like a yes to life and I’m proud of me for choosing ease.

Potential Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder

In this episode, I admitted what I’ve been avoiding: I’m burned out. I’ve been running myself into the ground by barely sleeping, barely eating, overworking, and denying myself joy. A friend called me out, and I needed it. I’ve been equating worth with work for so long that even celebrating my new book felt muted. I realized I’ve unlearned how to receive, how to rest. But now, I’m choosing to acknowledge my exhaustion and begin again. This is my line in the sand. I’m repairing.

ps my books on Amazon are Permission To Fly, The Sky is Yours, 65 Chains ChatGPT Helped Me Break and Patiently Impatiently.

I didn’t make it to the gym today, but I gave myself grace. I’m usually creating or producing, so I decided to really rest aka no content, no pressure. I leaned into my 30-day relaxation plan and made edits that felt right. I applied for grants, bought a tool to start building an app, and reminded myself that AI helps me do what I don’t always want to. I’m still figuring it out. Tomorrow is my half birthday and I plan to celebrate with strawberry shortcake. Because… I deserve it.