B is for Being

I had a pretty good childhood but there was still a fair amount of anxiety, fear, blame, and impatience thrown around.

There are small events and big events in life which leave us with psycho-emotional wounds to carry around. Often we have no idea these wounds are there because they only come to the surface when they're triggered.

I feel these wounds are a guaranteed part of life, unfortunately understanding and healing them is a different story.

As a kid I wasn't given the tools for healing and unless I went looking for them I wouldn't have any idea it was even possible to understand and heal my wounds.

This is a passionate episode. I share my thoughts and detail why I've dedicated my life to the discovery of tools both known and unknown.

We can’t begin to heal ourselves if we don’t know how to identify and move through our pain.

I had a pretty good childhood but there was still a fair amount of anxiety, fear, blame, and impatience thrown around.

There are small events and big events in life which leave us with psycho-emotional wounds to carry around. Often we have no idea these wounds are there because they only come to the surface when they're triggered.

I feel these wounds are a guaranteed part of life, unfortunately understanding and healing them is a different story.

As a kid I wasn't given the tools for healing and unless I went looking for them I wouldn't have any idea it was even possible to understand and heal my wounds.

This is a passionate episode. I share my thoughts and detail why I've dedicated my life to the discovery of tools both known and unknown.

Highlights and Takeaways

* We are all carrying some form of emotional or psychological pain. It's inherent to being a human being.

* As a kid I wasn't aware that there were things I could heal inside me.

* Writing and meditation are two powerful tools for healing.

* Writing makes it easier to understand our mental-emotional state.

* The body and mind naturally begin to clear when we take time to just be.

* I'm dedicated to discovering and sharing the most powerful tools.

* When we are feeling good about ourselves we can create beautiful things together.

* We haven't yet seen what we are capable of when we are working together in an environment of encouragement and support for each other.

Show Notes

We Hurt Each Other and We Don’t Even Know Why [01:01]

* I had a good childhood but still there was anxiety and unhappiness, fear and insecurity in my family.

* No one wants to feel hurt, no one wants to hurt someone else and yet we do it all the time.

* We haven’t been show in childhood how to identify our feelings and how to deal with them. That’s why they come out in angry or frustrated outbursts.

* This causes trauma. Trauma, small or big, builds up over time.

I Thought I Had Healed All the Things [03:57]

* I’ve dedicated a large part of my life to understanding my feelings: like why I react with fear in certain situations. I thought I knew what was going on.

* I’m still suffering from not accepting myself fully as I am right now. It’s affecting the way I share, it’s affecting my creativity and it’s affecting my relationships.

* I thought I had healed all the things because I was experiencing so much ease with partners and friends. But I’ve been reminded that I still have healing to do.

The healing process comes in waves.

* Something will trigger our psycho-emotional wounds and they come to the surface where we can begin to look at them. I’ve chosen to always look at these wounds so I can begin to heal them instead of push them down and repress them.

* We can always repress these wounds but there comes a point where the space we are storing all of our ‘stuff’ becomes full. Once this space is full they come to the surface and we can’t do anything except pay attention to them because they begin to greatly affect our everyday experience.

We Need to Know How to Heal Before We Can Heal [08:05]

* I am dealing with emotional wounds which affect my life but I haven’t been aware of the tools to heal these wounds. I know that I need to heal my emotional wounds but I don’t know how to do it.

* If these wounds are affecting my life but I don’t know how to heal them - then I need to go searchi...

Usually we’re going to experience some fear when taking a big step into a new experience; moving out of home, travelling overseas, starting a relationship - these are things we may genuinely want for ourselves but find ourselves unable to take action because where afraid of what this new experience will bring.In this episode, I share five actionable reminders that have helped me become clearer on my next big step and allowed me to take progressive action towards achieving it.

Making it easier to take action on your next big thing.

Usually we’re going to experience some fear when taking a big step into a new experience; moving out of home, travelling overseas, starting a relationship - these are things we may genuinely want for ourselves but find ourselves unable to take action because where afraid of what this new experience will bring.

In this episode, I share five actionable reminders that have helped me become clearer on my next big step and allowed me to take progressive action towards achieving it.

Highlights and Takeaways

1. You Don’t Have to Do Anything [07:38]

* I often put pressure on myself to take that next big step. This results in me feeling stressed. Once I remove those expectations the pressure and stress go away.

* We don’t need to do anything. We don’t need to do anything we don’t want to.

* If we feel pressure on us it usually means we are placing expectations on ourselves.

* When we take action from a place of pressure it affects the action we take and can lead to us feeling stressed, which can result in conflicts with those around us.

* We always have the choice to say, ‘Yes, I’m doing this.’ Or, ‘No, it’s not the right time.’

* We forget we have this choice because we’ve placed expectations on ourselves for such a long time.

2. Change Your Environment [12:04]

* By changing my environment I’m changing my perspective. From this new perspective I can see the different pieces I’m working with more clearly.

* There are a few ways I change my environment and they can be fun:

* Reorganise my whole bedroom and work space.

* Brush my teeth in a different location; sitting in the bath, standing in the shower or facing a different direction in the bathroom.

* Walk a different way to work, or take a different bus or train.

* Refreshing your environment helps you see your situation more clearly.

3. Become Clear on What You Want to Do and Why [17:09]

* Without being clear on what you want to achieve and why it’s easy to take unfocused action.

* Writing can help us become clearer on what we want to achieve.

* Write about what you feel you want to achieve and keep asking yourself, ‘why do I want to achieve that?’ After every why questions usually there will be some more words to write. Through this process, you become clearer on what you’re trying to achieve and why.

* With more clarity on what you want to achieve it’s easier to see what the next action step is.

* Using this process you may uncover that you are trying to achieve multiple big steps at once. Use writing to explore which one is the most important next step for you.

* It’s very difficult to tackle multiple big steps at once.

4. Reflect on Your Past Achievements [20:08]

* Reminding myself of my past achievements helps me know I’m capable of handling any situation.

* Seeing what I’ve come through in the past helps to remove some of the fear of, “What is going to happen when I take this next step?”

* We know we can handle any situation that’s thrown at us because we’ve come through tough situations in the past.

* Write down one of the most stressful situations you’ve been in. If you got through that then you can take the next step even though you don’t know what’s going to happen.

5. Breaking Big Steps into Small Actions [22:55]

* Breaking our big step into smaller steps makes it easier to take action everyday and not be overwhelme...

Elliot is continually stepping out into the unknown and challenging his comfort zone. He does this seemingly unaffected by the judgements and beliefs of others.

I asked about the earlier years of his life and he shared with me that things haven’t always been like this.

As a kid he was cut down for asking too many questions and experienced rejection from others when sharing his early video projects. As a result he stopped sharing himself with others.

But overtime he’s managed to step outside external judgements and beliefs and express himself with even more freedom and authenticity.

We look at how we can give the gift of listening to each other; how Elliot steps outside his comfort zone, and his latest project - 30 Days of Dance - which involves him dancing in public everyday for a month, making himself vulnerable for all to see and encouraging others to join him in this open form of expression.

Being vulnerable and expressing ourselves despite the judgment of others

Elliot is continually stepping out into the unknown and challenging his comfort zone. He does this seemingly unaffected by the judgements and beliefs of others.

I asked about the earlier years of his life and he shared with me that things haven’t always been like this.

As a kid he was cut down for asking too many questions and experienced rejection from others when sharing his early video projects. As a result he stopped sharing himself with others.

But overtime he’s managed to step outside external judgements and beliefs and express himself with even more freedom and authenticity.

We look at how we can give the gift of listening to each other; how Elliot steps outside his comfort zone, and his latest project - 30 Days of Dance - which involves him dancing in public everyday for a month, making himself vulnerable for all to see and encouraging others to join him in this open form of expression.

Highlights and Takeaways

* Listening to others is a free gift you can give to anyone.

* By listening to others with no intention of responding you give them space to share themselves with you.

* People’s personal stories (past beliefs which are based on their own experiences) can be triggered by how we express ourselves. Their reactions have nothing to with us and what we are doing.

* We are conditioned to think if something isn’t pleasing or entertaining then it is wrong.

* We shut down parts of our expression because we experienced a painful situation and feel the expression of ourselves was the cause of that painful experience.

* Having an experience outside of our comfort zone shows us we are capable of doing things we previously thought we couldn’t do.

* When you’re vulnerable with others you encourage others to be vulnerable with you.

* We attempt to keep other people happy because we want to feel accepted and feel that we belong.

* We can feel that we have to act a certain way just to be accepted. But by being yourself you naturally attract people who accepted you as you are and not for who you’re trying to be.

* Removing the importance of what other people think of us allows us to step outside of our comfort zone and just be ourselves.

Show Notes

* Ben: When did we first meet?

* Elliot: We met in the middle of Hay Street mall during an event The Liberators held which was about dancing in public and providing a space for people to express themselves freely. I have a video background and you have a video background and we came together as videographers and we were talking about the direction of the night.

* Ben: That’s right, I remember. There was a DJ being carted around on a trolley. The intention of that event was to encourage members of the public to just dance, it was a Friday evening after work. It was to encourage everyone to just dance and express themselves.

* Elliot: I would say Break the loop, break the routine. Break out of. “OK, it’s Friday. Let’s go out to a pub and have some drinks.” We’re providing a space to try something different. If you feel you have the confidence to step out of your comfort zone, here’s the place.

* We’re facilitators; we’re there to provide a space for others to come back to your core and release your inner-child without the fear of looking bad in front of others, really giving up the judgments and the internal dialogue that goes on in your head like, “what will happen if I do this?” It’s a neutral space, you can come into however you desire.

* Ben: You mentioned space for the inner-child to be expressed.

When I learned that my beliefs were behind the thoughts I was having and the feelings I felt I realised if I changed my beliefs I could also change how I experienced life.I also learned that beliefs continually reinforce themselves through the experiences they create - the experience made up of our thoughts and feelings.I saw that these experiences were always related to the original belief. If the belief was negative I would experience negative thoughts and negative feelings; if a belief was positive I would experience positive thoughts and positive feelings.This belief - thought - feeling - experience process continually reinforces the original belief as the experience it creates has originated from it.While practicing being in the present moment I noticed that any difficult experience I was having felt easier and less overwhelming, and I also noticed that I had more space to decide if I wanted to keep being in that experience or choose a different experience entirely.In this episode I share the process I’ve been using to come into the present moment using my feelings and how that has created the space for me to choose a new action which isn’t from the original belief.Using this process I’ve watched some of my biggest negative beliefs fade away and be replaced by beliefs of positivity, compassion and self-growth.

Stepping into the present moment gives us the space to proactively create the life we desire while simultaneously diminishing our core limiting beliefs.

When I learned that my beliefs were behind the thoughts I was having and the feelings I felt I realised if I changed my beliefs I could also change how I experienced life.

I also learned that beliefs continually reinforce themselves through the experiences they create - the experience made up of our thoughts and feelings.

I saw that these experiences were always related to the original belief. If the belief was negative I would experience negative thoughts and negative feelings; if a belief was positive I would experience positive thoughts and positive feelings.

This belief > thought > feeling > experience process continually reinforces the original belief as the experience it creates has originated from it.

While practicing being in the present moment I noticed that any difficult experience I was having felt easier and less overwhelming, and I also noticed that I had more space to decide if I wanted to keep being in that experience or choose a different experience entirely.

In this episode I share the process I’ve been using to come into the present moment using my feelings and how that has created the space for me to choose a new action which isn’t of the original belief.

Using this process I’ve watched some of my biggest negative beliefs fade away and be replaced by beliefs of positivity, compassion and self-growth.

Highlights and Takeaways

* Beliefs are created from our experiences of the world around us.

* Beliefs dictate the thoughts we have and the feelings we feel.

* Beliefs reinforce themselves through the thoughts and feelings they give rise to.

* A negative belief will create negative thoughts and as a result we feel negative feelings. A positive belief creates positive thoughts and positive feelings.

* Coming into the present moment breaks the energy cycle of our limiting beliefs and provides a space where we can take a new action.

* There’s nothing more we need to do to enter the present moment than becoming aware of our present experience.

* Acceptance is a vital part of present moment awareness, without it we can continue resisting or repressing our experience in this moment.

* Present moment awareness is not an analytical process, it’s an open listening to how we are in this moment.

* We can tell we are in the present moment when we sense any amount of relief or ease from what we are experiencing.

* New action leads to new experiences. From new experiences we begin to build new beliefs. These new beliefs will change the way we think and feel in our lives

* We all have the ability to come into the present moment.

Show Notes

I want to explore how we form beliefs and also how our beliefs are triggered by the events around us, and with awareness of the experience of the thoughts we’re having and the feelings we’re having we can come into the present moment. From that present moment we then have a choice to take a different action, to walk a different way or make a different decision, whatever it is we desire. And it’s the space that’s created by the present moment which allows us to do that, which allows us to make that new decision.

This is where the amazing part is; every time we take that new action we’re starting to build up new beliefs on a different pathway that have nothing to do with our old beliefs, they’re not conditioned by them, they’re not bound by them, and over time these beliefs give rise to new experiences because it’s the belief that is causing particular thoughts and feelings to come up for us.

In this way,

I lost myself a bit this week. Actually the past few weeks I’ve been trying to become really clear on the value I’m offering with B is for Being and look at how I can provide you with more valuable takeaways with every episode.

I began to look at how other successful bloggers and podcasters were sharing with their sizeable audiences. I thought, ‘they are definitely doing something right if they have so many people listening. I just need to do what they’re doing and I’ll have a bigger audience too.

They had catchy titles and spoke with reassuring authority. Great, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll write catchy titles and speak with more authority.

With this new perspective I begun to explore possible topics for this week’s episode, and as I started writing from this new perspective I noticed a sense of dis-ease and tension building. Something didn’t feel right.

I’d forgotten something really important.

The essence of why I was sharing.

I lost trust in how I was sharing. I was doubting that how I was sharing contained any real value for you.

In this episode I share my process of rediscovering my authentic voice and how a single YouTube video reminded me of the essence of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Remembering what makes me, me.

I lost myself a bit this week. Actually the past few weeks I’ve been trying to become really clear on the value I’m offering with B is for Being and look at how I can provide you with more valuable takeaways with every episode.

I began to look at how other successful bloggers and podcasters were sharing with their sizeable audiences. I thought, ‘they are definitely doing something right if they have so many people listening. I just need to do what they’re doing and I’ll have a bigger audience too.

They had catchy titles and spoke with reassuring authority. Great, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll write catchy titles and speak with more authority.

With this new perspective I begun to explore possible topics for this week’s episode, and as I started writing from this new perspective I noticed a sense of dis-ease and tension building. Something didn’t feel right.

I’d forgotten something really important.

The essence of why I was sharing.

I stopped trusting I am enough. I was doubting that how I was sharing contained any real value for you.

In this episode I share my process of rediscovering my authentic voice and how a single YouTube video reminded me of the essence of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Highlights and Takeaways

* When things are feeling hard it usually means it’s time for a break to take a look at what’s going on.

* It's easy to think we should be doing something differently to how we are. To think, 'surely what I'm doing right now could be better in some way.'

* We can lose touch with ourselves, our authenticity, when we look for ways in which we should be differently to how we are.

* There is no one who can express themselves more uniquely than you.

* There is no other you and there is no other me.

* It's more than enough to share yourself as you are; complete with your current skill levels, the ways you express yourself and the ways you don't.

Show Notes

* Ben: As I mentioned in Episode 025 I’ve been trying to get a clear understanding of what I’m doing with B is for Being and deliver a message every week that has value to you, something you can takeaway and use in your own life.

* I started looking around at other (successful) podcasts I listen to, and I was thinking, “yeah, I really want to help a lot of people. I want a lot of people to listen to my podcast so I’m going to do what they’re doing.” I started looking at what they were doing; how they were speaking and the titles of their episodes, and I thought, “ah ok! I need catchy titles, I need to be solving people’s problems.” This is what they are all saying - if you want an audience you need to solve people’s problems. And I agree with that, but I didn’t feel like I was helping anyone with the way I was sharing already.

* So I started writing down some titles for future episodes, like “How to stop procrastinating forever with this one easy tip.” the whole time I was doing this I began to feel some pressure building, like some kind of friction. Things were starting feel harder and harder and my level of exhaustion was rising and rising.

* When I’ve felt that before it usually means I need to take a break and have a look at what’s not working. At the time I just thought I didn’t have a lot of clarity on exactly the areas I wanted to share on. So I was looking for this tagline to describe what I do. But I was looking for this tagline in the language and voice of the other websites and podcasts I follow.

Rediscovering My Essence

* I kept overlooking what I’d already done.