B Movie Breakdown

Welcome to a world where Ninjas are magical, V8 juice is a sex symbol, and even the lowliest cop is somehow a cigar-chewing pimp. That’s right folks, this week we watched Ninja III The Domination, the final film in the Cannon Ninja Trilogy. This movie was very misleading, right from the title. Ninja III: The Possession would’ve been far more appropriate. Essentially the film was about an evil ninja slaughtering scores of good guy cops, but the filmmakers certainly portrayed the cops as shady and likely corrupt through most of the movie only for you to realize at the end that they were never deserving of their fate. Sorry little Suzy, daddy’s getting a closed-casket funeral because he died in a helicopter crash. And look out for those aerobics class rape gangs! You remember what a problem they were in the 80s, right? No wonder everybody’s switched to DDP Yoga.

This week we continue our journey in the Cannon Ninja trilogy with Revenge Of The Ninja! This one is actually much better than the first and still holds up as a solid ninja action movie. This actually stars the bad ninja from Enter The Ninja, but this time in the role of the hero instead. Why this couldn’t just continue the story of Cole from the first movie? We have no idea! After his family is killed in Japan by ninjas, Cho and his son Kane come to America to start a new life. He opens a doll shop but is unwittingly importing heroin in the dolls. When he finds out that his friend has betrayed him, Cho must prepare for the ultimate battle he has ever been involved in.

Ninjitsu, the darkest and deadliest of all the Martial Arts. Ninjitsu, a film genre that swept the nation in the early 80’s only to fade in the mid 90’s. So this week on the podcast we have the movie that is credited for starting this craze, 1981’s Enter The Ninja. As noted on last week, this is a true gem in the Cannon Film library. We’ve actually dove head first into the Cannon Film library way back on Episode 18 with Rockula and then again on Episode 32 with Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. We highly recommend watching the Cannon Films documentary that just hit Netflix, Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story Of Cannon Films, to see just how insane this production company actually was. It will give you a much better insight on how movies like this week’s Enter The Ninja came to life.

With Thanksgiving happening tomorrow here in the U.S., we here at B Movie Breakdown have searched the depths of the interweb to find an true Thanksgiving cult classic. The movie we speak of is the 1983/1987 horror film Blood Rage, starring…well starring basically know one that ever did anything else. Blood Rage tells the tale of twin brothers Todd & Terry, one of which has a mega bloodlust. Terry blames his murder on Todd, Todd goes to the nuthouse for 10 years, it’s Thanksgiving 10 years later, and Todd escapes. So when your brother you blamed our murders on escapes, what do you do? Well, you start murdering everyone you’ve got to know of the last 10 years. It seems we have a thing here on the podcast for killer kid movies. What can we say, they are just so absurd we just can’t stay away.

In our second week back, we remain a twosome as we dive into the 80’s extreme sports classic Gleaming The Cube. In the late 80’s and early 90’s extreme sports movies were all over, whether it was BMX in RAD or rollerblading in Airbourne these movies were hard to escape. But it took Christian Slater and Tony Hawk being involved to incorporate a murder investigation into a skateboarding movie. We still may not know exactly what Gleaming The Cube means after watching this movie, but we sure feel like we gleamed it really good. Brian Kelly’s (Slater) adopted brother is killed when he discovers that the shop he works in sends weapons to Vietnam instead of medication. To the police it looks like suicide, but Brian skates off to investigate the murder to discover the truth.

After almost a year hiatus, the B Movie Breakdown is back in action! That’s right folks, this isn’t some crazy dream, this is actually a brand new episode of the podcast. It was never any intention to take such a long break in podcasting, but life happens and that’s something we cannot help. Back is Corey, along with new co-host Sam, to break down the best of the worst the world of B Movies has to offer. Former co-host DRC will also be back, but sadly not until episode 94. So this week we are watching Ross Patterson’s new movie Helen Keller Vs Nightwolves. As you may remember from past episodes, we have covered two of Patterson’s other absurd and over the top films. In yet another masterpiece by St. James St. James, this film explores the true story that government didn’t want you to know about how Helen Keller really lost her eyesight and hearing: Nightwolves.

It seems we have come across a movie that brought us back to the roots of what this podcast is truly about; the best of the worst and that’s exactly what this movie is. This week we discuss the 1990 “sci-fi” “action” movie Legion Of Iron, but what it should really be called is Legion Of Rape. For a movie about battling to the death, for reasons we still aren’t sure of, there happens to be a lot of non-consensual sex involved. The film centers around high school football star Billy Hamilton and his girlfriend Allyson who get kidnapped when out for a night at Lover’s Lane. Kidnapped by who you ask? Well they are kidnapped by Queen Diana and her minions of course. Who the hell is Queen Diana? We sure don’t know, but we do know that she forces Billy to become a gladiator in death-matches which are bet on by jaded millionaires. Meanwhile, the facility’s guards use Allyson for their sexual pleasure. Will they escape the random fortress in the middle of the desert?

For now, we are at the end of our run with Mr. Voorhees here at B Movie Breakdown and we wanted to go out on top. We may one day revisit the terror of Camp Crystal Lake, but for now we must move on to bigger and better things. This week we end our journey with Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, which happened to be all of our favorite of the series. Once it starts it never stops going, it’s a faced paced high octane roller coaster of murder…how could it possibly be bad? Jason is back to life after years of absence and that shitty copy cat killer. Tommy Jarvis wants to make sure Jason is dead and burns in hell for what he has done, but when you stab a dead body with a metal rod in the middle of a storm it just might get reanimated. The newly reanimated Jason is stronger, faster, and more brutal than ever as the gore and body count is at an all time high. Can Tommy stop Jason once and for all? Find out on Episode 90 of B Movie Breakdown.

We are still staying on track with our Friday The 13th Marathon and this week we are on Part V: A New Beginning. Last time we saw Jason he was…well he was super dead. In fact he was being chopped up, with a machete, by young Tommy Jarvis. Well, now we catch up with Tommy some years later after he has been tossed around from home to home still troubled by the events of that very night. He ends up at a halfway house for troubled teens and from here the madness ensues. Someone starts picking off people in the area and house one by one and it seems to be Jason, but wait he’s dead it can’t be Jason! Or is it the deranged Tommy, who’s been consumed by the memory of Jason and just can’t take it anymore? Nah! It’s Roy, the medic from the beginning of the movie dressed as Jason, whose son died early on at the hands of one of the other teens. But we didn’t even know that was his son until the end and you only see Roy for like 2 seconds…

This week we continue our journey into the twisted mind of Jason Voorhees as we discuss the 4th installment in this series, Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter. Yeah, we know…Final Chapter and yet there are like 6 more of these bad boys to go. Well, when you have a character like Jason, who is a money making machine, why stop when the money is hot. And the money was hot this time around because this installment made more than any of the first three movies. We last left Jason with an axe with in his head laying on the floor of a barn. Well the police and paramedics arrived to haul off the body (and other bodies) back to the morgue. But little did they know, Jason wasn’t quite all the way dead and is ready for more! This is one of our favorites of the series, not only for the gruesome death at the end but also for the supreme acting my a young Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis.