B Movie Breakdown

Today’s talk revolves around the 1986 Eddie Murphy movie The Golden Child. It is extraordinary. Demons. Magic. Snake women. A bad ass babe. Fucked up henchmen. It’s a wonder this movie got made considering the subject matter and it made SO MUCH MONEY. Times were simpler in 1986, and that train of thought takes us down some great nostalgia talks; a tour of our youths and a nice divergence into the history behind it.

Dolph Lundgren is a legend. A hero. A true cinema gem. He’s done many works that one would consider art. This movie is a mixed bag. It is awesome and yet boring. Absurd and yet dull. Phenomenal and yet stereotypically average. It’s a movie that comes in many shades and breaks many genres, but the only thing you need to know, is that it comes in peace. Or else you’ll come in pieces, asshole. If you like brain drugs and aliens that look like Raiden from Mortal Kombat, then this was made just for you.

If camping, killing, and “transexual lunatics” are things your life craves, then have we watched the movie for you. And no, “transexual lunatic” is not a term we support or endorse but it was used to advertise the god damn movie on the back of its box. Like, what the hell? We’ve reviewed Sleep Away Camp twice before, but never it’s sequel! Now is the time. Horror month has brought us to Camp Rolling Hills and it’s time to watch Angela, the Angel of Death, kill everyone. Literally. Everyone. Except that one girl, but really she probably died off screen anyways.

Did you ever want to know what Lilo and Stitch would be like if it was Rated R? Hey! You are in luck. Do you want to see a town drunk get over served and believe his teeth receive messages from space? Hey! You are in luck. Do you want to see some of the worst bounty hunters in movie history? This week our journey returns us to space and then sends us back to earth. Time to get hungry as we gorge ourselves on some Critter madness.

Since Halloween is now upon us, we have decided to dedicate the entire month of October to nothing but horror movies. We kick off our horror movie marathon with the 1999 film VIRUS starring non other than the scream queen herself, Jamie Lee Curtis. When a typhoon cripples their boat, the crew of the Sea Star sails into the eye of the storm, where they discover a high-tech Russian communications and research vessel adrift. Only one Russian crew member is still alive, raving about “intelligent lightning.” They soon discover that an alien life form has taken over the ship’s computers, churning out mechanical insects and cyborg warriors. With their own boat destroyed, the crew must battle the alien life form and escape as the ship reenters the storm.

You ever hype up something to be the best thing ever and it turns out to be the opposite? Like the exact opposite? Like it couldn’t be further from the truth? Something that leaves such a bad taste in your mouth you start to wonder what it all means? What is the meaning of life? What is a cyborg? What is a DNA child? Is Cyborg America even that bad? Maybe we’re better off being ruled by machines. Maybe we don’t deserve free will after someone’s lead to Nemesis 2. Maybe cyborg dominance is what we deserve. Contemplate all these questions and more in the final installment of Nemesis month. Yes. Two movies. That’s all you get.

Did you like our little half shake last week? Good, since its time to tackle some pretty high end philosophical questions this go round, such as:

What makes a human a human? What makes us special? Is it our compassion? Our greed? Our lack of cybernetic implants and synthetic organs? Welcome to Nemesis, a movie that attempts to address these issues in the most ham fisted fashion possible while bullets fly and everything explodes. The cyborgs have been oppressed by humans, because that’s how we roll, and they’re out to even the score, but only one man stands in their way. A man, that may or may not be a man at all. Is our hero more man than machine, or more machine than man? Does it matter? Does any of this matter? Find out today or the LAPD is gonna get your ass.

We’ve taken a few breaks throughout the course of this podcast, and it’s always been something we traditionally hate doing. Denying you our company is a grievous action, and we understand that. You want more Corey and Nick and we don’t blame you. I mean, of course you do.

This week is how we rectify that occasional problem. We’re introducing a new format, the half episode. Normally we focus on one film and go to down. This week we focus on a topic and let the conversation go from there. So while there is not a movie for this week, in a way there are several. Today’s half episode topic is traditionally hated sequels that we untraditionally adore. So sit back and relax. This is episode 107.5.

We’ve taken a few breaks throughout the course of this podcast, and it’s always been something we traditionally hate doing. Denying you our company is a grievous… Read more "Episode 107.5: “Bad” Sequels"

Some say stab wounds are the best kind of wounds, but those people haven’t seen Exit Wounds starring Steven Seagal and DMX. That’s right X is gonna give it to ya right in the face with his fresh Lugz boots on, while running his multi-million dollar website where you can buy anything for $9.99 or less. Then use that money to trick crooked cops into thinking you are a drug dealer, with your best friend who runs a night club, just to possibly get your brother out of jail. Little does X know that he will have a run in with reckless cop Orin Boyd, who just so happens to go to anger management with Detroit AM tv star Henry Wayne. Remember that club owner we mentioned? Well he absolutely loves Henry Wayne! And after everything is said, the best friend club owner and Henry Wayne become co-hosts of Detroit AM and we get to see their wonderful dynamic throughout the credits. So if you’re wondering if in the end do the main characters really even matter, the answer is not really.