Entire episode is free as part of our annual Patreon Push. We wanted you to hear what you may be missing by not being a member, enjoy! We are going movie by movie through the James Bond franchise.

patreon.com/badmoviesrule.com

Connery’s fifth outing as 007 was supposed to be the big send-off. Instead we get a bored Sean, a Roald Dahl script that treats the novel like a travel brochure, and the first time we actually see Blofeld’s face (Donald Pleasence, piranha pool, emotional-support cat and all).

James fakes his own death, gets shot out of a torpedo tube, immediately gets clocked in a Tokyo alley, watches sumo, busts through paper walls, fights The Rock’s grandpa with a couch, slides into Tanaka’s secret underground office, flies Little Nellie, trains as a ninja, and storms a hollowed-out volcano while America and Russia keep losing spaceships to a giant rocket-eating spacecraft. Three Bond girls (Aki, Helga, Kissy), zero convertibles Bond can actually fit in, and a whole lot of “why does this six-foot Scotsman think he’s blending in?”

We recap the whole messy, spectacular, strangely slow ride, hand out the Will Patton Intensity, Best Henchman, Best Bond Girl and Best Death awards, and try to figure out why a movie with ninjas, a volcano lair and piranhas still somehow feels like it’s missing some of that classic Bond-ness.

Next month we jump to George Lazenby and On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. For now, come hang in the volcano with us.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The BMRmy showed up with the goods this week.

Erin Miller sends an Ernest festival poster AND a kicking Chuck Norris Karate Commandos figure. Bill McFucherCakes ships a Teen Wolf Beavers #42 jersey that is going on the wall. James from sticky Nashville gifts Carolina Reaper jerky and we eat it on camera. Then the night shift opens a package from Wyoming and a physical 3D-printed Will Patton Award hits the table. Studio is getting decorated. Reverse Mailbag is getting closer.

Cora settles the Toledo War with the tragic tale of Lucky the Mule. Brian Austin updates alligator anatomy and issues a PSA: do not vape during BMR. Kurt from Salt Lake City names James’s least favorite driving situation a Mormon roadblock. Stephen proposes a new review segment with very specific rules involving five-year-olds, a gymnasium door, ducks, and one duck the size of a horse. Matt Mulholland demands Teen Wolf 3: The Reckoning. Drew Parks describes the morning a six-foot alligator used its tail as a doorbell. Plus Oscar for Tim Curry, Vampires vs. James Woods, a Disney vacation that involved a man o’ war AND fire ants, and someone trying to start beef with Samurai Movie Jam.

Reach out. We want the stories, the hauls, the unhinged theories.

Email: [email protected]

Patreon is how the lights stay on and how we get to 1,000 for Reverse Mailbag. If you’ve been on the fence, now’s the time.

Terror Squad is coming. Watch it first if you want to suffer with us.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week James, Chuck, Nicole, and Clint take on Gregory Widen’s 1995 supernatural oddity The Prophecy. Christopher Walken perches on furniture like a vulture, licks crime scenes, rips out hearts, and chews garlic the entire shoot so the other actors stay properly repulsed. Viggo Mortensen shows up barefoot as Lucifer. Eric Stoltz plays a beautiful hobo angel. A little girl starts drawing Korean War atrocities after a very uncomfortable soul transfer. Heaven’s closed. Hell’s always open. Even on Christmas.

Is this a theological train wreck? Are the angel rules completely made up? Why does nobody in this movie know how to sit in a chair? We recast Arnold, hand out awards, and try to decide whether Walken single-handedly saves a movie that keeps forgetting to explain itself.

Pick a side. The war’s already started.

Email Us: [email protected]

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The first mailbag of September is here and the BMRmy showed up heavy.

James, Clint, and Ryan kick things off with Great Outdoors leftover emails, a Battlefield Earth marriage update, teen-vs-adult movie letdowns, and a Christmas movie rec that almost qualifies. Then the voicemails get unhinged: a raccoon-and-parasite survival story that takes a hard left into blood cravings, Deadliest Warrior identified at last, Toto singing the Gummi Bears theme, bear-wrangling movie magic, Reggie the Long Beach alligator, and a Kansas highway tire that nearly ended a family road trip.

Joe and Rachel take the night shift and rip through 15 packages. Movies pour in (Mannequin, the full Smokey and the Bandit run, Time Bandits, Yellowbeard, Gung Ho, Cooties, the complete Ash vs Evil Dead, Saturday Night Fever + Stayin’ Alive). Christian ships South African chips and wors from across the ocean. Someone gifts a factory-sealed Steven Seagal CD featuring “Alligator Ass” and “Talk to My Ass.” Joe gets a commissioned portrait and an Ace Ventura rhinoceros pencil sharpener. Jimmy White drops They Live, Phantom, Flash Gordon figures, a Packers Transformer, and Mass Effect N7 shot glasses.

Plus: the Patreon push toward 1,000 (calendar), 1,050 (host trading cards), and 1,100 (Bob care package + reverse mailbag videos).

Send your own:
[email protected]

The mailbag theme is on Spotify. Add it to a playlist and skip us if you want. We won’t be mad. Much.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Patron Jim D hand-picked this one and the crew, so the pressure is on. Michael J. Fox turns into a basketball werewolf in the most 1985 movie ever made, and James, Joe, Bob, and Curt are here to ride the Wolfmobile straight through it.

We break down the free-throw panic, the locker-room “changes,” van surfing with sandpaper on the roof, the liquor-store keg heist, Seven Minutes in Heaven gone feral, a dad who is the cutest werewolf alive, a dance that invents “The Wolf,” and a championship game that somehow still has referees. Also: red rockets, Beavers, breakdancers who don’t go to this school, and whether Pamela actually wanted the wolf.

Plus Arnold recasts, the awards (intensity, trash-can performance, one-scene wonder, best supporting), and the official BMR verdict… which we will not spoil here.

Due to Jim D. Come howl with us.

We’re pushing for 1,000 patrons by October 15. Calendar, trading cards, and Bob’s care package are on the line.

Support Us: patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Email Us: [email protected]

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Douglas Tait has worn two of horror’s most famous masks and still answers to Sasquatch. The actor/stuntman/creature performer talks growing up on classic monsters, landing the final Jason scene in Freddy vs. Jason, doubling Michael Myers, surviving brutal suit days, and directing his own thriller Angel Baby. Plus Zathura practical effects, Grimm’s Zerstörer, Five Nights at Freddy’s 2, and a few jobs so dumb he still can’t believe he cashed the check.

Find Doug at conventions and @DouglasTait on Instagram and TikTok.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The mailbag is still going. We’re doing this till we’re 90.

James, Clint, and Ryan kick off with a quick tribute after losing Dolly Parton and Tim Curry in the same stretch — both at 80. Then it’s voicemails, emails, road-trip disasters, and the usual “please stop breaking the One Scene Wonder award” energy.

You’ll hear:

Day shift hands it to the night shift. Same chaos. Different voices.

Send more: [email protected]

Patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998) storms the Bad Movies Rule table after Dwayne from Tennessee cashed in his Full Dudikoff pick. James Woods leads a Vatican-backed slayer squad that hunts bloodsuckers the hard way: cable-gun, Jeep winch, and enough F-bombs to bless a whole motel. First-time guest Luke joins James, Clint, and Dave as they rip into dirt-nap masters, a 48-hour “romance” that starts with a punch, a priest who won’t stay in his lane, and a plot that keeps inventing new vampire rules just so it can break them. Crosses don’t work. Garlic gets you bent over. And somebody really wants to know who got a boner. Grab a stake and hit play.

Support Us: patreon.com/badmoviesrule

Email Us: [email protected]

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Bad Movies Rule! Mailbag! James is joined by Ryan Mueller and Clint Busch for the day shift, then hands it off to Joe, Curt, and Bob for the night shift package opening.

We dig into emails and voicemails from Michael (catching up hard and recommending Double Trouble + Evolution), Johnny Golab (Alabama gator facts + the $2 Spear Hunting Museum), Phil/Barry (praising The Thing, requesting Vampires, and dropping the Paul Orndorff nearly-in-Rambo 2 story), Andrew from Canada (the ultimate “just send the damn email” PSA), Billy from St. Pete (new Discord energy), Jason from Ohio (owning the Toledo War manifesto and clearing the air), the Leeds, Alabama call, Joe’s “F*** Ohio” astronaut theory, Bill’s preview pet peeve (and James’s honest answer), Matt Mulholland’s PB&J alligator and Key West near-miss, Derek/Rick’s introduction + Bitch Slap recommendation, AA Ron’s Great Outdoors Intensity Award case and Weird Science connection, John from the UK’s Mean Guns pitch, DJ Campbell’s bat-in-the-bedroom story, and Matt’s nightmare Disney drive with an 18-month-old.

Then the physical mail hits: Mannequin 2, Class of 1984, Frankenhooker, Monty Python’s Flying Circus Series 1, Bad Channels, Cutthroat Island, Vision Quest, and more get added to the BMR Reacts pile.

As always, send us your stories, recommendations, and packages:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week the crew packs up the station wagon and heads for the Northwoods—except it’s California playing Wisconsin, because of course it is. John Candy and Dan Aykroyd star in this John Hughes-scripted tale of two families, one cabin, and a vacation that goes exactly as well as you’d expect when the uninvited in-laws show up with demonic twins, lobster tails, and a speedboat named Suck My Wake.

Expect water-ski disasters, raccoon home invasions, a bear with a very personal grudge, the legendary Old 96er, and more passive-aggressive Midwestern hospitality than any human should endure. Plus the usual BMR awards, fantasy football consequences, and far too many stories about actual family road trips that make this movie look like a relaxing spa weekend.

Grab a six-pack of hot dogs and settle in. The critics hated it. The box office hated it. We’re about to find out if the rest of us are just built different.

Email Us: [email protected]

Voicemail: 262-757-8567

Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Gear Up: Grab tees at teepublic.com/user/bad-movies-rule

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices