BALLOON JUICE!

After a two-month hiatus, WE'RE BACK! What? Did we go somewhere nice? Yeah, sure. We went to Cancun. NO! What do you think? We're Canadian. We endured the winter as all patriotic Canadians do! But spring is coming and we're talking about RUSH LIMBAUGH, Alex Jones, PINNOCHIO (and I plug a very good Canadian short film called WOODMAN made by a buddy of mine). We cover DOCTOR PIMPLE POPPER, Lola Bunny, MISTER POTATO HEAD, Hugo, Doctor Seuss, CPAC, Ted Cruz, COVID ENNUI and the vaccinations that can't come fast enough. Calvin reviews a Korean film called THE SWORDSMAN, and a Netflix series THE AGE OF THE SAMURAI. We also review the CW's latest DC superhero show SUPERMAN & LOIS. Sure, it's a lot of rambling nonsense, but it's GOLD PLATED rambling nonsense!

...and it's part one of a TWO PART SPECIAL! Look for part 2 very soon!

Recorded before the recent attempt to overthrow the government, this is the episode where we review all the terrible things that happened in 2020. Ahh, how we long for such simpler times now, eh? For some reason we begin with a discussion about LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE. I don't know why. Along the way we namedrop JOHN SAXON, SEAN CONNERY, DIANNA RIGG, CHADWICK BOSEMAN, CHARLIE PRYDE, JOHN LE CARRE and others. Along the way Cal reviews WW84 and we talk about the Season 2 Finale of THE MANDALORIAN.  PART ONE OF TWO! (Maybe three).

With the movie houses shut down due to Covid and the recent announcement that Warner Brothers is teaming up with HBO Max for same day streaming releases of all their upcoming films, we speculate about what's going to happen to the movie houses. Is going to the movies a passé concept? Are the movies dead? What will happen to the existing movie theaters? Will this be their chance to become something more than just distribution outlets for the big movie chains?

We also talk about STAR WARS and THE MANDALORIAN, because you know what we're like we can't stay on topic any better than a Stormtrooper can hit a target. I think even Millie Bobbie Brown gets dragged into it at one point. I can't remember. Yes, we were a little inebriated. In these waning days of the Pandemic, who isn't?

In which Calvin relays the tale of his PANIC ATTACK AT THE SAFEWAY! We talk PANDEMIC PREPAREDNESS and the anticipation of the vaccines. Mysterious monoliths popping up all over the world, KRAMPUS and his ilk, plus Rudy Giuliani's star witness, MELISSA CARONE. She's peach, with her Renée Zellweger hair and her second best glasses. Why are you still reading this? Press play, dammit! Podcast gold awaits you!

What? Another episode? Holy Crap! I'm as surprised as you are! Smoking, drinking and other bad habits. Calvin tells about a recent trip to a local establishment selling refined and perfectly legal, combustible recreational, all natural relaxation products (snicker). Mike prefers a drink but Calvin is a sloppy drunk. Life, cats, the internet, the world, Non PC humour and TAN MOM? All this plus, for a change NO talking smack about Millie Bobbi Brown! (Ahhh... who are we kidding, of course we do. It's in our contract at this point). All sponsored by HAMBURGER HELPER! (Hah! We wish!) Sit back, relax, be cool and listen to your podcast pals as we talk about all things cool. Hey, man, why are your eyes so red?

But first, Calvin gives a mixed but enthusiastic review of THE SECRET SOCIETY OF SECOND BORN ROYALS and marvels over Miles Morales' cat from the SPIDER MAN video game. The swedes are not amused by DONALD DUCK and his flagrant disregard for pants. We mark the passing of music Legend Johnny Nash who sang the theme song for THE MIGHTY HURCULES, a Canadian animated classic series. Cal also spends some time ranting about THE BANANA SPLITS and MILLIE BOBBI BROWN (I think it's in our contract at this point... at least once an episode). Calvin reviews the classic 70's SF thriller CAPRICORN ONE. HALLOWEEN CANDY, VALENTINES CHOCOLATE and the various new iterations of STAR TREK. Calvin misses THE AMAZING RACE and, like any rational adults, we discuss the merits of PIZZA POPS and CORN DOGS and other culinary delights that can be had at your local convenience store for a mere pittance!

It's great stuff, this week, folks! You gotta listen!

As we shiver in anticipation of the dreaded SECOND WAVE Cal and MD discuss the important things like HILLBILLY TERRORISTS, ROBOT DOGS, KILLER AI, CHADWICK BOSEMAN, NAMOR, Michael Jai White and why black actors could be big box office draws but aren't allowed to be, America's Dick, Trump's America, The Proud Boys hashtag gets corrupted by George Takei, Jerry Falwell Jnr. is a bad boy, THE BOYS SEASON 2, PERRY MASON, Tatiana Maslany - is she Hulk or is she ain't SHE-HULK? We look forward to season 2 of THE MADALORIAN and, of course, what would an episode of BALLOON JUICE be without a rant about MILLIE BOBBIE BROWN? (You guessed it, we review ENOLA HOLMES). It's a parade of pop culture from a uniquely Canadian perspective!

DEADLY SHARKS! PANT STEALING BISON! Trump committing election fraud by destroying the post office and it's being carried out in broad daylight! A REAL GIANT ROBOT in Yokohama, Japan! CAPTAIN FUNKATEER FUNK SWAGGER'S third big album drop on a dental theme! All that plus THE NEW MUTANTS!

Okay, yeah, this one was late. I should have uploaded it last week because it's getting a bit ripe, but listen anyway. It's still Balloon Juice, and any time is a good time for that no matter what the vintage.

But that won't stop us from talking about THE UNBRELLA ACADEMY Season 2, STARGIRL or DOOM PATROL. We remember 1984's STREETS OF FIRE and MD bemoans the computer repairs that set him back, Cal bemoans ordering things online and recounts his recent ELLEN DEGENERIS kerfuffle. The we talk about fine art and FORTUNINO MATANA and RENE MAGRITTE, cuz we're intellectuals, y'all!

We also review the recent PERRY MASON remake and we wax rhapsodic about the tv series MATADOR. We touch on Tom Cruise in space, BATTLEFIELD EARTH and the inimitable Barry Pepper!

It's not just Balloon Juice, it's solid gold Balloon Juice!

Calvin tells M.D. some stories from his youth in Shiloh, Manitoba. The Summer of '79 was a magical year for young Calvin and the things he got up to will make your blood curdle! STEALING A BIG MAC FROM A BABY! HOPPING A TRAIN TO WINNIPEG! Also going through some old photographs leads Calvin to discover a secret about his family. We also weigh in on the notorious BEER RAMEN! (spoiler: YUCK!)