A poignant message for today, as Donald Trump fights COVID-19 like nobody has ever fought before, is there a vaccine for the much bigger virus contaminated the world – the preponderance of hate? A sermon delivered by the Rev Phil Dobbie.

New enforceable laws will be introduced to ensure no more than six people gather together at any one time. Marshalls will be there to enforce the discipline, with fines and public floggings. For Balls Radio six people is a positive ratings result, but, as Phil Dobbie explains (to himself) it’s not the audience size that matters, it’s the cathartic impact of saying stuff that his family doesn’t want to listen to. Today the incoherent ramblings form a semi-plausible argument that everything Boris is doing is preparing Britain for war with Germany – just to make Churchill proud. Wars are much easier than negotiations because you don’t care what the other side thinks. Much more Johnson’s style.

COVID-19 is making a comeback. In this edition of Balls Radio Phil Dobbie says its becoming increasingly popular with young people, who enjoy it so much they pass it on to their friends. Also, two new games you might like to try, Brexit is close to reaching its inevitable end and the Pope has a word on those who gossip. So stop it.

We’re all emerging from lockdowns unsure of what’s real any more. In which alternate reality do we find Tony Abbott as a trade envoy for the UK? Can Harry and Meghan escape the limelight with a $100 million dollar deal on Netflix – it sounds like it judging by the description of what they’re working on. And do we really need to let people die to save the economy, or could we just create a new economy from scratch using toenails as legal tender? Important points, all worth ten minutes of your not very busy day.

Later this week Boris Johnson will outline plans to being lifting the lockdown. Other parts of the world are doing the same. Protestors with guns are out in many parts of the US demanding it. We need to get the economy back on track. Today on Balls Radio, Phil Dobbie asks the question, how many people are we happy to see die for the good of the economy? If 50 thousand an acceptable number? And can we really start an exist strategy when we don’t have all the numbers we need – like, what’s the infection rate? But, if you listen to David Icke, it’s all a big conspiracy theory – there is no COVID-19. Perhaps it’s hiding the fact that we’re being eaten by underground dwelling reptiles.

Over five million self-employed people will be struggling right now, as work dries up and incomes disappear. Chancellor Rishi Sunak found it easy to promise 80% of the income of furloughed workers, but struggles with how to compensate self-employed workers who suddenly find themselves without an income. On Balls Radio Phil Dobbie suggests the answer is simple. In fact, it’s so simple even Donald Trump gets it.

The US President is repeatedly referring to COIV19 as the Chinese virus, in the hope that he can deflect the blame from the slow response he is making to the pandemic. On Balls Radio today we look at the numbers that suggest the US is seeing infections growing faster than Italy, and it’ll become clearer over the next few days. Meanwhile, Australia is doing better than most, but also wins the prize for being the most blasé. She’ll be right mate.

The Sun this week asked why Richard Branson isn’t offering to sell his island retreat to pay the wages of Virgin Atlantic staff. Phil Dobbie suggests that’s a moronic question, and the real criminals in this financial crisis are the companies who bought back shares to inflate executive salaries, rather than keep cash on hand to cope with emergencies such as this. One guilty party here is Delta Airlines, which owns 49% of Virgin Atlantic, way more than Richard Branson. On Balls Radio we suggest how to save airlines whilst penalising those who benefited from share buybacks. Plus, the simple way for governments to make stimulus payments to those who need it, whilst encouraging companies to keep people in work.

The UK is pushing ahead with plans for herd immunity, even as other countries push ahead with isolation plans. Could the UK, ironically, be the only country left with freedom of movement, after having voted to get rid of it in the Brexit referendum? Plus, the Big Brother household that’s in blissful ignorance, and Katie Hopkins forced to go to Australian media for publicity.

Whilst Italy is in total lockdown, the UK Prime Minister is telling people to wash their hands more often, an Australian politician reckons it’s all a conspiracy by the Chinese and the US President wants to keep people on a cruise ship so they can die without upsetting his statistics. Phil Dobbie looks at the various ways nations are coming to terms with the Corona virus.