Barely Historical

The year is 1692. Massachusetts is cold, paranoid, and running on bad carbs. Two girls start convulsing, the town loses its collective mind, and suddenly everyone’s a witch — or about to be.

This is the chaotic half you’re allowed to hear. We cover the gossip, the bad science, and the first sparks of hysteria that made Salem the messiest small town in history.

In this episode: • The girls, the fits, and the fungus theory • The witch court that made ghosts into witnesses • The hangings that changed everything

To hear the rest — including the aftermath, the real legacy, and “Guess That Sin: Puritan Edition” — head to our Patreon for the full, unhinged version.

Host: JoLynne & Amanda

🎧 Patreon: ⁠patreon.com/barelyhistorical ⁠

📩 Contact: [email protected]

Let’s ruin the past.

In 1920, police in Dresden, Germany responded to what appeared to be a murder scene: a headless, blood-soaked body in an artist's garden. The "victim"? A life-size doll. The perpetrator? Famous Expressionist painter Oskar Kokoschka. The motive? A bad breakup three years earlier.

This week, we're diving into one of the most unhinged relationships in art history: the three-year toxic affair between Austrian painter Oskar Kokoschka and Alma Mahler, the "most beautiful girl in Vienna" and collector of creative geniuses.

What starts with a proposal within hours of meeting escalates into pathological jealousy, all-night window whistling, a bloody abortion souvenir (yes, really), World War I trauma, and eventually (after Alma marries someone else) Oskar commissioning a life-size, anatomically correct doll that looks like his ex, taking it to the opera, and then ritually beheading it at a champagne garden party while a chamber orchestra plays.

It's got everything: obsession, art, war, a doll that looks like a polar bear, and a police investigation. Welcome to Vienna in the 1910s, where everyone was unhinged and therapy didn't exist.

Content warnings: Discussion of abortion (handled respectfully), war violence/PTSD, suicide, toxic relationships, obsessive behavior

What you'll learn:

• Why Oskar shaved his head to look like a criminal (on purpose)
• How Alma became Vienna's most notorious muse collector
• What happens when you carry a bloody cotton pad in your pocket for years
• The true story behind The Bride of the Wind
• Why commissioning a life-size sex doll of your ex is not healthy
• How a doll murder cured a man's obsession
• Viennese slang from the 1910s
• What Austrian authorities would actually punish you for in 1910

Key figures:

Oskar Kokoschka (1886-1980): Austrian Expressionist painter, professional bad boy, inventor of the modern sex doll (unfortunately)

Alma Mahler (1879-1964): Composer, pianist, socialite, serial collector of creative geniuses

Gustav Mahler (1860-1911): Legendary composer, Alma's first husband who told her to stop composing

Walter Gropius (1883-1969): Architect, founder of the Bauhaus, Alma's second husband

Hermine Moos (1888-1928): Dollmaker who created the infamous doll

Tom Lehrer: Comedian who wrote the savage song "Alma" about her scandalous obituary

Timeline highlights:

April 12, 1912: They meet (3 days before Titanic sinks)October 1912: Alma has abortion; Oskar keeps the bloody cotton pad1913: Oskar paints The Bride of the Wind as marriage proposal; she says no1915: Oskar bayoneted and shot in WWI; Alma marries Walter Gropius1918: Oskar commissions the doll1919: Doll arrives looking like a polar bear1920: The murder party; police investigate

Games played: Fact or Folklore, Reveal the Sin (guess punishments for 1910s crimes), Vienna Slang

Share this with your friend who's still not over their ex, your cousin who thinks their toxic relationship is "passionate," anyone who's said "I can fix him," or your therapist.

Bonus episode about Blanche Dumas coming soon on Patreon: patreon.com/barelyhistorical

Follow us: @barelyhistoricalpodcast on Instagram and TikTokEmail: [email protected]

Hosted by Amanda and JoLynne~60 minutes | Explicit | Released 01/21/2026

"Let's ruin love. Viennese style."

Henry VIII didn’t just have “wife drama” he turned his midlife crisis into national policy. In this episode of Barely Historical, Jo and Amanda break down how one insecure man with too much power went from “kinda charming” to full-blown menace, and why the real story is way messier than the divorce beheaded survived trivia.

We get into the early 1500s chaos, Henry’s obsession with a male heir, the emotional control spiral, and the moment he decided the rules did not apply to him. From Catherine of Aragon’s impossible situation to Anne Boleyn getting chosen and punished for it, plus Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr, we follow the pattern that history loves to minimize and women always pay for.

If you love dark comedy podcasts, royal mess, Tudor chaos, and roasting historical men who should’ve been stopped earlier, this one’s for you. New episodes weekly.

Hosts: JoLynne & Amanda

Produced by Barely Historical

Patreon: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical⁠⁠

Contact: ⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠

Tagline: Let’s ruin history.

What if Stranger Things isn’t just a nostalgic monster show, but a remix of real government experiments, moral panic, and 1980s paranoia?

In this episode of Barely Historical, Amanda and JoLynne ruin the real history behind Stranger Things, from MKUltra and the Montauk Project to Dungeons & Dragons fear campaigns, heavy metal hysteria, and the very real Satanic Panic that destroyed lives in the 1980s.

This isn’t a recap episode.
It’s a “wait… this actually happened?” episode.

We dig into the real CIA mind-control experiments that inspired Hawkins Lab, why the Montauk Project conspiracy theory mirrors Stranger Things almost beat for beat, and how sensory deprivation tanks, psychic kids, and Cold War paranoia weren’t fiction. We talk about how Dungeons & Dragons, metal music, and “weird kids” became public enemy number one, why Eddie Munson is the perfect stand-in for every 80s scapegoat, and how moral panic spreads faster than facts.

We also get into the Satanic Panic, the McMartin Preschool Trial, and how fear, bad therapy, and authority figures ruined innocent lives. Plus malls, arcades, mixtapes, Walkmans, Kate Bush, Metallica, and why music in the 80s wasn’t background noise. It was survival.

This episode covers Stranger Things historical accuracy, MKUltra explained, the Montauk Project conspiracy, Satanic Panic in the 1980s, Dungeons & Dragons moral panic, heavy metal hysteria, Eddie Munson and scapegoating, and 80s teen culture through a very chaotic lens.

Stranger Things works because it’s built on real fear. The government really did experiment on people. Communities really did turn on outsiders. Moral panics really did destroy lives. The monsters were never the scariest part.

If you like your history accurate, chaotic, and slightly unhinged, support the show on Patreon for bonus episodes, early access, and deeper spirals. Visit barelyhistorical.com for episodes, updates, and everything we’re ruining next. You can also email us your thoughts, corrections, or conspiracy theories at [email protected]. Yes, we read them. No, we won’t stop.

Follow us wherever you ruin history, and if this episode made you rethink Stranger Things, send it to the friend who cried over Eddie Munson, the cousin who still thinks D&D is satanic, or the uncle who swears the Montauk Project was real.

Let’s ruin the past.

New Year’s Eve has never been chill.

In this episode of Barely Historical, hosts JoLynne and Amanda explore the strange, dark, and often unhinged history of New Year’s Eve superstitions from around the world. Long before glitter, champagne, and countdown clocks, people genuinely believed that what you ate, cleaned, wore, said, or touched on New Year’s Eve could determine your luck, wealth, health, or survival for the entire year.

We break down real historical traditions and cultural superstitions, including black-eyed peas, grapes at midnight, silence rituals, first-footing, forbidden cleaning, money rules, and why people feared starting the year “wrong.” Along the way, we play Fact or Folklore, separating real historical beliefs from complete nonsense, and examine why humans have always been desperate to control the future with rituals, rules, and vibes.

This episode covers:

• New Year’s Eve superstitions throughout history

• Cultural traditions from Europe, Asia, and beyond

• Ancient beliefs about luck, fate, money, and misfortune

• Why New Year’s anxiety is not a modern invention

• Weird history explained with humor, sarcasm, and opinions

If you love weird history, dark humor podcasts, cultural folklore, or learning why people used to panic over laundry and doorways, this episode is for you.

Hosts: JoLynne & Amanda

Produced by Barely Historical

Patreon: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical⁠

Contact: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠

Tagline: Let’s ruin history.

There are two types of people in the world:
People who accept that Anastasia Romanov died in 1918…
and people who saw the animated movie once and said absolutely not.

In this episode, Amanda and Jo finally confront the Romanov story that emotionally ruined them as children and refuses to die on TikTok. We break down what actually happened to Anastasia, why the survival myth took over the world, and how a real-life mass execution somehow turned into a musical with a talking bat.

This is not a cozy history episode.

We cover the rise and violent collapse of the Romanov dynasty, Rasputin as a deeply unwashed cult leader (not an undead wizard), the execution in the Ipatiev House, and the decades of impostors who convinced themselves and sometimes entire countries that Anastasia survived.

We also ruin your childhood by explaining exactly why the DNA evidence killed the myth forever.

Sorry in advance.

Here’s what we get into:

• Why millennial women are still feral about the 1997 Anastasia movie
• The Romanov dynasty and how 300 years of autocracy ends in a basement
• Rasputin as a cult leader, political liability, definitely not magic
• The Ipatiev House and what the Bolsheviks wrote on the walls
• Why jewels sewn into corsets made the execution worse
• The execution of Nicholas II, Alexandra, their children, and servants
• How the survival myth started and why Anastasia became the symbol
• Anna Anderson and the longest identity con in modern history
• DNA testing in the 1990s and 2000s that ruined everyone’s favorite conspiracy
• Why cartoons lie better than history

We also play:

• History or Cartoon Propaganda
• Rasputin, Influencer, or Cult Leader

Content note: This episode discusses execution, violence, genocide, and historical trauma. We are funny but the history is not.

If you like dark history with zero reverence, ruining childhood favorites, conspiracies that fall apart under DNA testing, History TikTok discourse that needs adult supervision, or podcasts that say “bayoneted in a basement” out loud, you’re in the right place.

Follow Barely Historical wherever you ruin history:
TikTok, Instagram, YouTube: @BarelyHistoricalPodcast

Support the chaos on Patreon for bonus episodes and worse decisions:
https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical

Leave a review if you learned something.
Leave a review if you didn’t but laughed anyway.

Let’s ruin the past.

🎄 How Christmas Was Stolen

This week on Barely Historical, Amanda and JoLynne are sharing a full Patreon-style deep dive for free as a Christmas gift.

Christmas history is messier than most people realize. Long before it became a Christian holiday, pagan winter solstice celebrations like Saturnalia and Yule shaped the traditions we still associate with Christmas today.

In this episode, we break down the pagan origins of Christmas and how Christianity absorbed existing winter traditions instead of erasing them, creating the holiday we recognize now.

• Why winter was dangerous and terrifying in the ancient world
• How Saturnalia influenced gift giving, feasting, and public chaos
• What Yule actually looked like in Norse and Germanic cultures
• Why December 25 was chosen for Christmas
• Which pagan traditions were kept, banned, or quietly rebranded
• How figures like Santa and Krampus evolved from earlier folklore
• Why modern Christmas traditions are still deeply rooted in pagan practices

This episode is not about telling anyone how to celebrate Christmas.
It is about understanding where Christmas traditions came from and why they survived.

Normally, this level of deep dive lives on our Patreon. We are releasing it on the main feed as a holiday thank you.

https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical

Bonus episodes, darker history, visuals, and behind-the-scenes chaos.

https://barelyhistorical.com

Happy Saturnalia.
Happy Yule.
Let’s ruin the past.

Amanda & JoLynne

In this episode, we cover:💀 Support the show on Patreon🌐 Learn more about the show

Welcome back to Barely Historical, the comedy history podcast where we ruin the past one year at a time. This episode drops us into 336 CE Rome and the chaos of the late Roman Empire, when Christianity is less “faith” and more “power play.”

We unpack the Arian controversy and the priest Arius, whose theology split the early church and sparked a years long political and religious meltdown. Emperor Constantine tries to force a reconciliation, bishops start praying for their enemies to die (normal behavior, apparently), and then 336 delivers one of history’s most infamous public deaths that may or may not have been poison.

Also in this year: Constantine preps a massive holy war against Persia that never even happens, commissions a literal mobile church tent for the battlefield, and we hit the first recorded celebration of Christmas on December 25 (yes, layered right on top of existing pagan festivals). Then we wrap with a “day in the life” in 336, comparing a wealthy Christian woman in Rome to a pagan farmer who has no clue any of this is happening.

If you love Roman history, Constantine, early Christianity drama, weird deaths, and two women reacting to it with sarcasm and facts, this one’s for you.

Follow, rate, and review Barely Historical and share this episode with your friend who thinks about the Roman Empire every day.

Hosts: JoLynne & Amanda

Produced by Barely Historical

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical

Contact: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Tagline: Let’s ruin history.

Victorian Christmas cards were not cozy snowmen and Hallmark hearts. They were dead robins, frogs with firearms, demonic turnips, Krampus kidnappings, and families roasting in hell… all wishing you a “Merry Christmas.”

In this Patreon only episode of Barely Historical, Jolynne and Amanda dive into the bizarre history of Victorian Christmas cards, from Sir Henry Cole and the Penny Post to the golden age of chromolithography chaos in the 1870s–1890s. We break down why Victorians thought violent, morbid, and horny holiday art was hilarious, how it tied to class anxiety and death obsession, and what finally killed off the creepy cards after World War I.

If you like weird history, dark holiday traditions, Victorian era absurdity, Krampus lore, and vintage ephemera, this one’s your festive fever dream. Share it with someone who thinks modern Christmas cards are boring… and remind them it could be frogs with guns and dead postman robins.

Follow us wherever you ruin history.

Instagram: @barelyhistoricalpodcast

TikTok: @barelyhistoricalpodcast

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical

Contact: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Credits Hosts: JoLynne and Amanda

Produced by Barely Historical

Theme music: Licensed track

The year is 1883. Volcanoes are exploding, bridges are causing stampedes, and a stagecoach robber is leaving poetry like a Victorian theater kid on the loose. JoLynne and Amanda ruin one of the most chaotic years of the Gilded Age the only way we know how. With research, sarcasm, and at least one questionable opinion about what counts as progress.

This episode has it all.
• Krakatoa turning the sky into a global murder mystery
• A bridge that caused panic without collapsing once
• Time zones that finally told America what time it was
• A finishing school girl who wouldn’t survive one Tuesday today
• A railroad worker who deserved more than this country ever gave him
• Black Bart’s crime scene poetry (yes, really)

And if this wasn’t enough historical unhinged energy for you, our Patreon episode this week goes full holiday madness.

Yes. The Victorians invented the Christmas season as we know it. Yes. Their cards were insane. Frogs stabbing each other. Dead birds. Children in danger. Santa behaving like he needed supervision. It is festive, it is dark, and it proves that holiday chaos has always been in style.

Join our Patreon to hear the full episode and support the show:
patreon.com/cw/BarelyHistorical

You get:
• Weekly bonus episodes
• Early access to main feed episodes
• Uncut tangents and crimes against transitions
• A community of people who ruin history responsibly

00:00 Cold Open
03:40 Welcome to 1883
25:00 Presidents, corruption, and the Garfield medical nightmare
33:00 Brooklyn Bridge stampede
35:00 Krakatoa goes full villain
45:00 A Day in the Life
1:08:00 Crime, but make it poetry
1:35:00 The Gilded Age was just capitalism in a corset
1:46:00 “How’d I Go”
1:50:00 Wrap

Hosts: JoLynne & Amanda
Produced by Barely Historical
Contact: [email protected]
Tagline: Let’s ruin history.

🎄 Patreon Bonus: Crazy Victorian Christmas Cards