Today, we dig up some of the worst religious recordings on God's green Earth. Whether you're luring people to a small congregation or global cult, here's what NOT to do. And yeah, there's puppets.

Bastard Tapes is keepin' it real bad with the Worst Rap Music of All Time: Volume I- our oh-hell-no-est episode yet. If you like white people, you'll love this!

A surprising number of real records have been recorded by fictional characters from popular TV shows. From the 60s to the 90s, a quickie novelty disc was a viable way to keep your show on the viewing public's mind, and we've curated a dozen of the strangest and silliest.

No bad music is bad like bad Christmas music is bad, and for the inaugural episode of "Bastard Tapes," we've dug up ten musical lumps of coal that time should have forgotten. If you think you hate the holidays now, listen to how they've sounded in years past. ERRATUM: Donnie Wahlberg actually had several songwriting credits prior to "Funky, Funky Xmas".