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Join Indy and Michael this week as they discuss the deeper reasons driving submission. There is an invisible part driving submission, the defectiveness schema. We bring together life history which shapes and drives this belief, and takes such forms as "I'm not good enough, I'm bad." This belief exists within the domain of sexual identity and not necessarily other sides of ourselves. In submission, the defectiveness schema is surrendered to. We truly believe on some level that we are not good enough, that we are inadequate. Michael bravely opens up to this possibility in himself, and we discuss the formative shape of this defectiveness in his kink.

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Join Michael and Indy this week as they go deeper into Michael's history with his family. Indy outlines how we develop a blue print in how we connect and love. We discuss Bowen family systems theory, which helps to describe dynamics in families. Seeing the family as a system, an interconnected network. If we have an attentive mother who is attuned, this has a formative impact. The architecture that forms in our neural pathways can feel secure or anxious, avoidant or disorganised. Michael was born into a family with two older siblings, born in South Africa when there was a lot of crime. Michael's Mum struggled when Michael was born, possibly experiencing post natal depression. Michael did recall that his Mum struggled with three children and to be able to get attention. This meant Michael's mother was preoccupied, maybe that she was not able to be there consistently. Michael recalls blaming himself, he wasn't looking for more connection but rather became more avoidant of attachment figures. He resolved things within himself. This was where he saw security and refuge - an avoidant attachment style. Michael has a tendency to want to resolve things within himself in intimate connection. Michael's predominant connection was with his brother, who often physically over powered him. Michael had to internalize a lot and on top of that had to disengage with his needs to connect.

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In this up-close and personal episode, the focus is on Michael. We go deep into his relationship history to help set the scene for how shame plays a role in his kink today (reference Episode 4, Season 3). Michael talks about his past relationships through the lens of a particular tendency - never feeling good enough. He takes on the view that he is unstable, concreted by his most influential relationship with Tom. We'd love to hear from you: [email protected]

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(02:00) Indy's Update

(04:30) Michael's Update

Indy and Michael kick off Season 3! It's been a while and we are so excited to be back. Both Indy and Michael had their interest in kink wax and wane over the past months. Indy was dealing with life and had her resources devoted elsewhere. Michael describes his constant presence on Instagram and a weird headspace he's in where he just wants to press the stop button. He also had a very nice vanilla encounter which makes him question how kink got so important and powerful. Indy talks about how Season 3 will unpack the deeper psychological side that drives our interest in BDSM. Playing the role of the dominant has arisen for Indy at a time when she has increasingly become disillusioned with relationships - what is really going on here? Michael is obsessed with youth and beauty whereas Indy loves men and women of vintage. Indy has set herself a challenge: to ask out a hot man. Indy describes a dynamic with a sub where she is exploring cuckolding. Indy took out her phone and started to show her sub the dick pics she'd been sent of other men and tell him how much better they were. Will Indy get a bull? She is exploring consentual non-monogamy and some new desires. Season 3 will look at different dynamics of shame and how this relates to BDSM. 

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Indy and Michael return to the question they were unpacking last season: can we ever go back to being purely vanilla? Do we need to be in a kink relationship? In this episode Indy and Michael get honest and really delve into the impacts of being in the kink world. Is it worth it? Join us to find out what they uncover in themselves this time around...

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(00:30) Intro

(00:42) Indy's Update

(29:10) Michael's Update

Join Indy and Michael today as they ramble! We've decided to put our feet up, throw the script out the window and just talk...

Indy admits to the extent of her current Dom frenzy. Sex, toys, numerous submissives and lots of fun. Meanwhile, Michael gives Indy some advice on how to train a new domestic slave. He is also feeling more and more like the jock persona he's been exploring in recent months. 

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Join us as we reflect on our previous episode.

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Join us this week as we discuss why it is that we dominate.

Indy starts off by describing a recent session with her sub in which Indy ordered her sub to be a captive slave for 24 hours. She restrained him to her bed, teased him with edge play and got him to do his overdue taxes!?

Indy describes a new intention to help slaves for their betterment. This is because Indy wants to move beyond a one dimensional power exchange and is increasingly drawn to new ways to feel dominant. Tapping into the Magician or Wise energy makes this a more integrated approach. It's a fine line between reducing a sub to nothing yet caring about their well-being. 

Indy has high standards and expects her subs to be the best of who they are when they are around her orbit. They are trained in this way to become Indy's subs. 

Michael looks into his early entry into dominance, which came out of frustration. Seeking a Dom, he ended up becoming a Dom when kinksters would regularly ask him to be dominating. Now, Michael is interested in integrating his more confident jock side into his sexual identity. 

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(00:10) Intro

(04:10) Quick Fire Questions

(07:26) Main Kink

(10:10) Upbringing

(45:25) Fantasy and Analysis

Join Michael and Indy this week in the second release of "Meet the Listeners." Today we interview Lad, a dominant with some intriguing kinks such as clothes swapping. Lad answers our quick fire questions before launching into his personal history and story surrounding his sexuality, the origin of his kinks and shame. Then join us for a bonus part of the show where we delve into one of Lad's biggest kinky fantasies... 

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Join us as we reflect on our previous episode.

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