Becoming Power

This year, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling lost. 

Since my layoff, I’ve been planting seeds and imagining myself into many new life shapes, wondering which seeds will take root.

This darkness can feel fruitful but can also be disorienting.

Recently, sitting in a coffee shop, feeling overwhelmed, a friend said to me, “You already know how to grow, even when you think you don’t.”

Could that be true? Deep down, is there a part of me that knows the way? Are we like acorns, carrying a quiet map, guiding our growth, even when the path seems obscured until we become an oak tree?

Can I tap into my intuition to help me through this challenging time? 

Questions like these led me to ask today’s guest on the podcast.

Charlie Claire Burgess is a trans, nonbinary artist, author, and creator of tarot decks and I wanted to ask this excellent maker about their relationship to their inner life and intuition. 

Charlie works at the intersection of tarot, spirituality, and queerness and is the author of Radical Tarot and the creator of the Fifth Spirit Tarot and Gay Marseille Tarot decks. Their second book, Queer Devotion: Spirituality Beyond the Binary in Myth, Story, and Practice, is forthcoming in 2025. 

Whether you're new to tarot or not, Charlie's insights will inspire you to trust your intuition and take control of your journey of growth and power.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Charlie started coming back to their spirituality and embracing their true self after years of self-abandonment
• How tarot is a tool for externalizing thoughts and feelings to give them new awareness and perspective
• What Charlie had to unlearn about work to honor and support their creativity
• The practices that help Charlie ground in their spirituality
• How tarot can be an opportunity to create agency rather than using Tarot as a predictive tool
• Why following your intuition also means permitting yourself to screw up

Learn more about Charlie Claire Burgess:

• The Word Witch
• Instagram: @the.word.witch

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

After a recent bout of contending with my own perfectionism, I had a profound realization. 

Perhaps calling myself a recovering perfectionist is incorrect. 

Maybe my perfectionism isn’t something that I need to fix about myself. Perhaps the work is more about recognizing when I’m disconnected from my wise self and deploying the right tools to get back on track.

What if we’re all just perfectly imperfect works in progress? And what would it take for us to cultivate deep self-compassion when perfectionism shows up in our lives?

Today, I invite you to join me in this investigation of your perfectionism with a heart full of compassion for yourself and the messy, imperfect process we all go through.

Through mental rehearsal, or cognitive priming, I’ll lead you on a thought experiment designed to help you loosen your grip on perfectionism and move closer to right-sizing your effort. 

This journey is about understanding and supporting yourself through the messy, imperfect process we all go through. (And how we can still get great results along the way!)

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Defining the spectrums of perfectionism and perfectionism’s  underlying “promise”
• Differentiating between beneficial high standards and stress-inducing patterns and behaviors
• The benefits of mentally rehearsing a potential scenario
• A thought experiment to help you lower your internal bar and half-ass it

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

Resources:

• The Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale
• The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown
• The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough, Thomas Curran
• The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power, Katherine Morgan Schafler

Are you a perfectionist?

Has anyone referred to you that way before?

As a coach, I understand that the desire to “get it right” plagues most of us in some way. And these tendencies can be especially pernicious when working on something that matters to us a lot. The tug-of-war between our aspirations and our current level of skill or ability can stop us before we even really get started.

So when I came across writing instructor Amber Petty’s provocative invitation to half-ass your writing to manage the perfectionism demons, I had to know more.

In this episode we delve into Amber’s strategies for dealing with perfectionism, how she learned to reset her internal bar and “half-ass it,” and how this shift in mindset has not only transformed her career but also unleashed her creativity.

Amber Petty helps creatives say “yes” to their ideas, get bylines, and build audiences. After 13 years as a professional actor, Amber moved into freelance writing, working for the New York Times, Parade, Bustle, and more. She has also helped over 1000 students get bylines, start writing (for actual money), and begin newsletters to build a platform for their writing careers.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Amber has learned to question her inner critic and build real self-trust
• How she realized that giving 100% all the time wasn’t realistic or even desirable
• How she uses deadlines to “outrun” her perfectionist streak
• How Amber developed her confidence in her voice and point of view as she started her newsletter and business

Learn more about Amber Petty:

• Website
• Instagram: @ambernpetty

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

Resources:

• The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown

There’s a lot of talk out there about self-care and rest. 

We all experience stress and dysregulation in this world, and rest is essential for our emotional and physical well-being.

Yet sometimes, when we’re stressed and agitated, it can be challenging to realize that we desperately need a break and even harder to figure out how to do that.

This is where one of my favorite tools comes in: the Menu of Refuge.

Today, I want to share what refuge is, why you need and deserve it, and how to empower yourself by creating your own personal Menu of Refuge.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Defining refuge, literally and metaphorically, and why it’s more than simply retreating from the world
• How a Menu of Refuge helps us take positive steps to resolve stress and dysregulation
• How refuge addresses our fundamental biological need for emotional and physical safety
• Why refuge also needs a sense of growth, wonder, or expansion
• How refuge restores our sense of dignity and self-worth
• How to craft your own list of activities and places that serve as refuge for you

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

What rituals and practices do you turn to when you need refuge?

In a recent conversation with my friend and former colleague, Darcy Constans MD, I realized that we had a cherished childhood touchstone in common that Darcy still uses when she needs a respite from the real world.

In this episode, Darcy and I delve into her journey of managing her energy, exploring the spiritual and energetic aspects of healing, and her unique understanding of patients' dark nights of the soul. Her journey is insightful and inspiring, and I hope it motivates you in your own path of self-care.

Darcy Constans MD is a physician and community advocate with a focus on behavioral health, psychedelic medicine, and treatments for PTSD and substance use disorders.

Content note: Discussion of mortality, psychedelic use, addiction, and mental illness

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why Darcy finds it essential to tend to her spiritual and energetic worlds in order to do her work as a physician
• How Darcy’s grounding practices have evolved through different clinical environments
• How Long COVID challenged Darcy’s sense of control in the world and forced her to step back with intention
• How television provides refuge and comfort for Darcy, and how she maintains awareness of it as a tool
• How Darcy manages screen time and technology with her kids with values and goals at the center

Learn more about Darcy Constans, MD:

• Website

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• Becoming Power Newsletter
• Coaching

Picture this: you’ve just completed a big project. All the work (and stress) is over, and you can breathe a sigh of relief. Right?

So, how quickly do you start itching to know how others think it went?

Perhaps you’re a student constantly refreshing your email for your professor’s thoughts. Or maybe you’re in the workplace, compulsively checking Slack for comments from your boss. Do you ever find yourself anticipating criticism, trying to get ahead by guessing what flaws others will pick out?

This begs the question, did you ever stop to ask yourself how you thought it went?

How we assess our performance on things that matter to us can strongly impact our mental health and self-esteem, not to mention the progress of our work.

Today, I want to pull back the power from the process of self-evaluations and building self-trust. Even if you’re not in an environment where you get formal feedback or have to complete self-evaluations, the method I will share has something for you, too. This method helps you create space for self-reflection that serves the impact you want to make in the world without losing yourself in self-doubt and other people’s opinions.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Why developing the ability to discern your own performance is a critical skill set
• How self-assessment became so embedded in our work lives, and how the process has lost its meaning
• Two simple tools to help you center your own voice when considering your performance

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• The Change Agent's Handbook

Have you ever felt like your brain was being a real jerk?

Our inner worlds can be brutal. But it is possible to intentionally cultivate a gentler, more generative landscape that offers us strong roots to ground us so that we can stretch out into the world with courage and support.

Sara Lawson joined me to share her journey of silencing the harsh, unforgiving voices in her head. She also revealed the practices she adopted to create a kinder, gentler inner world, a testament to the power of intentional change.

Sara Lawson brings 20+ years of leadership experience to support organizations and individuals with ambitious dreams and meaningful goals. Sara is a consultant, facilitator, executive coach, and the creator of Gauge Leadership Lab. She particularly loves supporting leaders and teams working to foster a culture where each person has the opportunity to belong, contribute, and thrive.

Sara has worked with organizations in all sectors, from video game makers to state-wide early childhood programs, higher education to community radio, architectural firms, and organic farming incubators. Sara’s guidance offers leaders the tools and inspiration to address significant challenges, do their best work, make a meaningful difference, and find satisfaction.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Sara realized that tending to the state of her inner world was necessary and worthwhile to her professional roles
• How she developed a practice and mindset of “scanning for what’s going well.”
• The process Sara has developed for evaluating her work and projects that value her perceptions along with external feedback
• The creative practice that helped Sara find and hone her voice
• How Sara has learned to lower the bar for being “good” at drawing through her daily-ish practice
• How she’s bringing more overt playfulness to her practices for herself and her clients post-COVID

Learn more about Sara Lawson:

• Shorthand Consulting
• Connect on LinkedIn

Learn more about Valerie Black:

• The Change Agency
• The Change Agent's Handbook

Lynda Barry Resources:

• Drawn & Quarterly
• Syllabus
• Making Comics
• New York Time Interview 
• Vox Interview
• Lynda Barry on Instagram

Power—what a complicated word. 

What does it take to become powerful? Money? Fame? Connections? Or perhaps just being born into the right kind of body?

I believe power—true power—results from deep roots, an inner life that keeps us grounded, inspired, and connected to what matters most. Power emerges from practices that help us transform and evolve and serve as a foundation for our work in the world.

I believe we become powerful when we nurture those deep roots and the people that matter most to us. 

I'm Valerie Black, an applied behavioral scientist, coach, healthcare entrepreneur, and helpmate to the brave builders of the future. And I'm a bit obsessed with learning how change-makers of all kinds cultivate the rich inner lives at the root of their power.

On Becoming Power, I talk with powerful people about the practices that nourish them most. From writers and business leaders to activists and athletes, we dig deep into process and strategy. 

As your personal behavioral scientist, I analyze their insights and turn them into meditations, visualizations, and bite-sized experiments for you to integrate into your own life.

Becoming Power is your unprecedented access to the inner lives of people doing great work.

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