Becoming Unsilenced: Leading Boldly with Authenticity

“I will hear myself above the noise, I will hear my voice above the opinions of others, I will listen and I will hear me.”

In Today’s Episode, I interviewed Kathy Whitham, Child Behavior Specialist.  We dig deep into how the power struggle with her child launched her on a new path of uncovering how the family dynamic in her childhood home shaped her adult behavior - and how understanding that has led to her career in helping parents and caregivers get underneath the behavior of their child to really understand where that behavior originates from.

Kathy openly shares how growing up in a  family home where she experienced a lot of love and security yet there was a triangulation and feeling caught between parents that were not a good fit for each other impacted her.  It gave her insight to see that a depressed parent can be experienced by a child as neglect and it leads to a quiet trauma that impacts negatively the ability for resilience. As an adult, she learned how this impacted her and awakened when she went through a 2nd divorce where she came face to face with her desire to rescue, control, and fix another person.

We don’t change habits and dynamics by wishing them away.  There is real work that needs to be done internally.

Change only comes when you are ready to face reality head-on.  Alanon helped Kathy begin to sort out what she could not control and she was ready to reclaim her voice.

Her healing journey led her to Her path guides such as Brene Brown that taught her the physiology of when shame shows up and family constellation work that shows how the dynamic of past generations influences us today.

She also studied trauma and attachment and how it impacts stability.  She began to build empathy and detachment and to validate that there was room for all of the feelings she had.

Today she uses all of this life wisdom her No-Yell parenting approach!  She has created a special video on resilience just for this audience! - you can get it by emailing her at [email protected] with the subject line: Unsilenced Resilience!

Additional Resources Suggested by Kathy:

Brene Brown - The Gifts of Imperfection

Family Constellation work at  Suzietucker.com

(for understanding kids) Beyond Consequences Logic and Control - Brian Post

The Body Keeps the score by Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.

Jeanette LaBlanc who teaches how to share your words (https://www.jeanetteleblanc.com/)

Learn more about Kathy and the free resources she offers here:  https://www.parentingbeyondwords.com/copy-of-services

Kathy Whitham, RN, is a Child Behavior Specialist, Mom, Grammy and poet. She helps parents and caregivers at their wit’s end be able to respond to their child’s needs rather than react to their behavior. Her No-Yell™ parenting approach is based on the understanding that behavior is communication. It lies at the intersection of brain science, attachment theory, intergenerational family dynamics, and parents’ inner wisdom. Kathy’s motto for good parenting is "Connection matters more than perfection!"

LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/confidenceunchained/

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In  Today's episode, I chat with Justin Atherton from Confidence Unchained.  Justin is a men's leadership and emotional intelligence coach.  He has a background in law enforcement and has taken on the fun challenge of teaching men to be more aware of their emotions.  Today he shares how is does this through the use of an Emotional Inventory tool.   Men have been conditioned throughout the years to NOT show emotions, while women have been told they show too many emotions.  Today, Justin shares how you can begin identifying the emotions running underneath the surface and how releasing emotions leads to higher cognitive brain function and decision making.    Justin also shares 3 levels of emotional intelligence growth to help relationships thrive.  Taking responsibility for one's own emotions; being aware of the other person's emotions, and helping others manage and identify their own emotions.    

About Justin Atherton

With over 14 years of Law Enforcement experience in SWAT, Investigations, Officer Training and Leadership roles, Justin developed and shared tactics and techniques that helped forge the next generation of leaders.

After departing the SWAT team, he launched Confidence Unchained, a company that teaches these same leadership principles to men from any walk of life. From business owners, CEO’s and entrepreneurs, Justin has helped men across a broad range of industries build their own Peak Performance and regain their EDGE.

Now, detailing the mind-set and principles that enable Detectives and SWAT teams to accomplish the most difficult missions, Confidence Unchained shows how to apply them to any man, family or organization.

Register for the Confidence Unchanged Summit!

For more inspiration from Justin and to introduce the man in your life to these ideas - register for the upcoming Confidence Unchained Virtual Summit on February  25-27, 2021.  Get Registered here:  https://summit.confidenceunchained.com/ 

Other ways to get in touch with Justin! 

Website:  https://www.confidenceunchained.com/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ConfidenceUnchained 

LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/confidenceunchained/

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I met Nancy recently in a facebook group when she made a post called "I WANT TO START A BRA-LESS MOVEMENT"

Within a short amount of time Nancy had more than 400 comments on the thread!  Everything from women who wanted in on the movement to women who were fine with their level of bra-wearing.

I invited Nancy to this conversation as a way of examing our belief around bra-wearing and to lighten up my sometimes intense nature!  We laugh and weave through the conversation and share our own experiences with letting go of the bra and the conditioning that keeps us doing things just so that others around us are comfortable.

Nancy also brings her wise wisdom of being a physical therapist to the table and shares how the physical restriction of a bra can lead to long-term health issues. She challenges us to begin there - with the physical and then to move into asking questions.

Do I wear a Bra because it's comfortable for me and I enjoy it?  or is bra-wearing a society expectation?

We would love to hear your thoughts on this episode!   Are you ready to ditch the bra in favor of a more authentic life?  

Just as I always encourage people to fear-less so that they can become more limit-less today I am encouraging you to fear-less and be bra-less and see where it leads!

Learn More About Nancy!

Website: www.MamaBellyCoach.com

Nancy Ma is a sought after health coach, pelvic floor physiotherapist, yoga teacher and the founder of The Mama Belly Solution™.

She’s most well-known for helping moms lose their postpartum belly bulge so they can feel healthy, confident and sexy. Her mission is to replace the shame moms feel about their postpartum body with confidence and LOVE.

She pulls her wisdom from over 12 years of experience as a physiotherapist working with hundreds of clients who struggle with core-related issues.

As a proud mama of 2 children, Nancy has truly found her calling by helping others moms not only lose the baby weight, but to get in the best health of their lives - mentally, physically and spiritually.

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Join me today for an inspiring conversation with Sarah K Ramsey!  She is the expert on how to be Toxic Person Proof and helping you Bounce Back Better after toxic relationships! Her Book Toxic Person Proof is soon to be released!

Our conversation today took an unexpected turn when I discovered that Sarah and I share the common thread of having grown up in toxic religious organizations!  Funny how the universe brought us together to clearly share how dangerous churches, organizations, and businesses can become when the leader(s) have a taste of power and manipulation go to their head.  Spiritual abuse tops the list of dangerous forms of abuse yet it's rarely spoken about.  Many women who go on to have toxic or narcissistic relationships are "set-up" to be controlled from these types of experiences.

It can work the other way also - people seeking meaning and significance as they walk away from toxic relationships can become prey for people and organizations who seem on the surface to be kind, connected, caring communities.

You can read Vicki's recent article about danger signs of organizations here: 9 Signs you are Treading in Cultish Territory

Follow Sarah here!

Sarah K Ramsey Toxic Relationship Specialist, Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner

https://sarahkramsey.com/

Facebook Group: Finding Love and Success After a Toxic Relationship

Sarah K Ramsey is a Toxic Relationship Specialist, Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner who helps amazing women remember how amazing they are after enduring the pain of a toxic partner or parent. She works with women who have experienced toxic relationships and who remain stuck in a cycle of pain and confusion transform their minds and lives by taking back their power, recreating a life they are excited about living and bringing renewed energy, clarity, and excellence into establishing careers and relationships they love. Her work has been featured in the Emotional Abuse Recovery and Resilience Summit, Healing Narcissistic Trauma Conference, Medium, Thrive Global, The Elephant Journal and The Courageous Woman Summit. Contact Sarah at [email protected] or www.sarahkramsey.com/contact.

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In this episode, Vicki shares how different life looks when we can relax and let go of fixed thinking that keeps us stuck in a prison of our own creation.   What if the only mode of communication that you used today was the telephone that your mother used when you were a child?

Our mind is limited in it's ability to perceive and see future options.  It can only create combinations of options from what it can see right in front of it. Experiencing trauma as a child or an adult adds another layer of limited perception.  It's like shopping for clothes but seeing your only option as the 3 outfits featured in the store window.

The truth is these outfits may not even be ideal for you - yet if these outfits become the only options we allow ourselves to choose from we miss out on all of the amazing opportunities that lay just on the other side of opening the door to the store.

Expanding our perception and thinking are not skills most of us were taught as a child yet if we don't learn these skills we stay trapped in the prison of our own limited thinking.

Opening up to new opportunities and possibilities allows us to connect to who we really are and to move in the direction of living an Unsilenced Life - A life where who we are on the inside exactly matches who we are on the outside.

You too can move beyond what keeps you stuck and discover the greatest potential waiting for you on the other side of the bars of limited thinking.

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Vicki and Chef Jaime Llano get real on what the secret sauce for success is on the patio of Casita Maria in Mazatlan, Mexico.  Vicki first Met Chef Llano in 2019 at his restaurant.  Over glasses of wine poured from his own wine label, Chef Llano shared his life story of facing and moving through challenge after challenge.  In December 2020, Vicki returned to record his story so that others would be inspired.  From losing his mother at age six, to losing his dreams and plans of building a restaurant in the United States to opening his first tiny restaurant in Mazatlan and then having. to close it Chef Llano has faced and pushed through loss and persevered in believing in his dreams.  He shares that building his castle in his mind was the first step and the secret sauce has been to never, never give up.  Even when he was out of money and food he still did not doubt that his dreams would materialize.  Today, he has a beautiful restaurant one block from the beach, thirteen different varieties of wine under his wine label, a true secret sauce that will be in grocery stores soon, and dreams of getting his pilot's license.    

Follow Chef Llano on Facebook and if you are ever in Mazatlan Mexico make sure you stop. by a delicious meal and tell him Vicki Sent you!  https://www.facebook.com/Casa1Maria

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Meet Beth Petta!   In this interview, she shares how she survived and broke free of a toxic marriage plagued with alcoholism, a religion that crushed her, and a job with a toxic boss that shredded the remained of her confidence.  She shares how things in her marriage of 22 years steadily more difficult as her partner sank deeper into alcoholism.  Because of her religious background, she felt like she needed to say and be the Martyr - it was her "cross to bear."  Ideas around shame about her past coupled with the teaching of the church that told her she was a "sinner and unworthy" kept her trapped in this toxic marriage.  She was told she needed to pray more and obey the church more when she asked for help.   With her pleas falling on deaf ears she began to sink into a depression.   A move to a new city gave her some hope she could break free.  It started with stepping out of the toxic job.  

Here are red flags Beth encourages you to watch for: Intimidation (male in power position using intimidation and causing fear) Pay attention to fear/feelings in your body Derogatory comments about women in general; your intelligence Derogatory/dismissive comments about you as a person (intelligence, personality, character)  

Follow along as Beth shares what the process of Non-violent communication looks like and how it has changed her relationships.  Seeking to reconnect with who she really is at the core has been her goal during her 7 years of recovery following divorce.  

If you or someone you know is experiencing similar circumstances as Beth please reach out here for information on how you too can break free:  [email protected].

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How can you be part of the solution when it comes to high stakes conversations inside your own home and on a national level?  By learning how to hold Crucial Conversations.

What is a crucial conversation? Being 100% honest with your viewpoint and 100% respectful to all involved while searching for answers to this question:  What do I want for myself, the other person, and the relationship/group/nation?

Most of us never learned how to have genuine conversations that move us towards solutions that are in the greatest good of all involved.  So instead of having productive conversations, we end up avoiding them altogether or botching them completely.  There is a 3rd option.  Learning how to hold skillful conversations that actually move relationships, workplaces, groups, and nations forward.

To do that we have to ask ourselves - what truly is our motive?  Actions are generated from 4 different motive:

I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

What do I really want for myself? (as it relates to this issue)

What do I really want for others? (as it relates to this issue)

What do I really want for the relationship?

How would I behave if I really wanted these results?

Recommended Resources:

Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler

Non-Violent Communication by Marchall Rosenberg PhD

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Join Vick and Janet Hudson for their first public conversation on how they have learned and applied spiritual teachings to actually experience greater peace and joy in their lives.  They drop the shame and fear to share how their own knowledge can kept them stuck and how experiencing & applying wisdom had created "miracle" shifts.  

Janet G. Hudson, Ph.D., ACC, certified coach supporting purpose-driven professions to tame their inner chaos so they can make the significant contributions they desire. Find me @ http://tametheinnerchaos.com/about  

Contact me @ [email protected]

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