Becoming Who You Truly Are, with Marlena Fiol, PhD

Linda and her strong-willed daughter, Lindsey, a high functioning young adult with intellectual disabilities, always had a complicated relationship. But when Lindsey graduated from high school at nineteen, she got a job at a Goodwill and she moved into a cottage in her parents' backyard. Linda believed that the worst was finally behind them. Life proved not to be so simple.

Linda and I will be discussing topics that go well beyond raising a child with disabilities. We will explore issues of universal interest, such as learning to accept what life hands us, seeing humor in the tragic, and slowing down to appreciate the beauty of the moment.

The following is a taste of Linda's wise and often wry points of view about life.

Q: What was one of the most difficult things you faced as the mother of a young adult with disabilities? Linda: It was a rude awakening for me as a mother of a daughter with disabilities that we don't have a lot of power once they turn 18. I had lots of fantasies about going and grabbing her and bringing her home [when Lindsey had run off with a man twice her age]. But if you raise your children to be independent people, the decisions they make are not always going to be in agreement with what you thought they should be.

Q: How did you learn to accept the disabilities of your once perfectly healthy baby? Linda: Life is a process. I don't think when you're handed a child with special needs that you can experience acceptance at that moment. For me it was a really long process of learning to accept that Lindsey will probably end up in a group home.

Q: As a child, you always had "your eye on the prize," determined to achieve your goals for the future. How has this changed for you over time? Linda: Sometimes you need to turn around and look behind you and see how far you've come and how beautiful the journey has been. Even if it's been tough, it's still a beautiful journey.

Q: I'm wondering what you've learned about yourself over the years as you've dealt with all of these challenges in raising and, in fact, still needing to support a daughter with disabilities. How has it helped you understand in a deeper way who you are? Linda: I'm more at peace with Lindsey's challenges than I've ever been. I've come to the conclusion finally that the decisions Lindsey makes are Lindsey's decisions. They are not really a reflection on my parenting. And Lindsey has certainly taught me some lessons that I didn't even know I needed to learn such as patience, and to find laughter in some of the silly, little things.

When I ask if there's one last thing she'd like our listeners to hear, Linda says, "I truly believe that raising a child with disabilities isn't probably going to be the journey you expected it to be. But depending on how you look at it, I think it can be a fuller journey."

Linda Atwell is the award-winning author of Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs.

About Linda Atwell Linda lives in Silverton, Oregon with her husband, John. She earned her BA from George Fox College, but it is her entrepreneurial and adventuresome spirit that has inspired her career goals. She owned a successful home décor business for ten years before switching to adjusting catastrophe insurance claims and climbing roofs for a living. Now she writes. Her award-winning work has appeared in print and online magazines. She writes blogs about her daughter Lindsey, a high-functioning young adult with intellectual disabilities, as well as about travel and other life adventures. Her latest book, Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs tells the heartrending and sometimes hilariously funny story about Lindsey's plunge into adulthood. 

Find Linda on Social Media: http://lindaatwell.com Facebook Instagram: @linda_atwell_writer Twitter: @outoneear

Linda's Book: Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs 

Book Mentioned in the Interview: Nothing Bad Between Us: A Story of Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020

About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what's possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters.

You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

Susie is an award-winning author, champion ultra-runner, life coach, activist and mother of two young children. On June 30, 2016, she was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive tumor on her brainstem. Her doctor told her, "Without surgery, you have less than five months to live." After multiple complicated surgeries, she has recovered but there were big risks. That was over three years ago.

Susie's incredible journey to find her voice and a new kind of bravery after facing death allows her to share important lessons about pain and suffering, finding and holding onto joy, and the importance of slowing down to experience the sweetness of the moment. 

The following is just a taste of Susie's insights. 

Q: You speak of two different kinds of pain. What are they? Susie: Clean pain is loss. It is the medical diagnosis. It is the broken bone. Dirty pain is the worrying and the added anxiety and suffering that we layer on top of that loss or that clean pain.

Q: What is the point of suffering? Susie: When we go through moments of crisis, we think they're tragic. And yet often, they shine a light on something that we wish we could get rid of, and then also guide us forward in a way that we didn't think we were capable of.

Q: What is your path to joy? Susie: Finding a little bit more in balance, having a little bit more self-compassion, a little bit more courage, and a little less criticism of how I show up.

Q: You've spoken of the need to stop so much doing and focus on being. Is it our doing-ness that's harmful or our frenetic need for approval?

Susie: You don't have to give up the doing. That is your executive functioning brain that wants to accomplish things in this life. But I feel I've been able to accomplish more once I've given up the need to always get it right before I even begin. 

When I ask if there's one last thing she'd like our listeners to hear, Susie says, "Choose connection over consumerism. And if it's work that drives you to achieve excellence, take breaks early and often, and then come back to your work, rather than putting it off until the only thing that you have left for yourself and for others in your life is your exhausted, resentful self."

Susie Rinehart is the author of Fierce Joy: Choosing Brave Over Perfect to Find My True Voice, an inspirational story of learning to choose joy over fear.  

About Susie Rinehart Susie is an award-winning author, champion ultra-runner, life coach, activist and mother of two young children. On June 30, 2016, she was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive tumor on her brainstem. Her doctor told her, "Without surgery, you have less than five months to live." After multiple complicated surgeries, she has recovered but there were big risks. That was over three years ago. Susie's incredible journey to find her voice and a new kind of bravery after facing death allows her to share important lessons about pain and suffering, finding and holding onto joy, and the importance of slowing down to experience the sweetness of the moment.

Find Susie on Social Media: https://susierinehart.com/ (Website) https://www.instagram.com/susierinehart/ (Instagram)

Susie's Book: Fierce Joy: Choosing Brave Over Perfect to Find My True Voice

Books Mentioned in the Interview: A Few Minor Adjustments: A Memoir of Healing, by Cherie Kephart Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020

About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what's possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters.

You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

About Dr. Larry DosseyThe author of numerous best-selling books and articles, distinguished physician Dr. Larry Dossey has become an internationally influential advocate of the role of the mind in health and the role of spirituality in healthcare. The impact of his work has been remarkable. Before his book Healing Words was published in 1993, only three U.S. medical schools had courses devoted to exploring the role of spirituality in health; currently, nearly 80 medical schools have instituted such courses, many of which utilize Dr. Dossey's works as textbooks. In his 1989 book Recovering the Soul, he introduced the concept of "nonlocal mind" -- mind unconfined to the brain and body, mind spread infinitely throughout space and time. Since then, "nonlocal mind" has been adopted by many leading scientists as an emerging image of consciousness. Dr. Dossey's ever-deepening explication of nonlocal mind provides a legitimate foundation for the merging of spirit and medicine. The ramifications of such a union are radical and call for no less than the reinvention of medicine...and the way each of us thinks about ourself.

Find Larry on Social Media: http://larrydosseymd.com/ (Website) https://twitter.com/larrydosseymd (Twitter) https://www.facebook.com/larrydosseymd/ (Facebook)

Larry's Books: One Mind: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters Recovering the Soul: A Scientific and Spiritual Search Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine

Books Mentioned in the Interview: Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, by Richard Rohr Love Is Complicated: A True Story of Brokenness and Healing, by Marlena Fiol, to be released summer 2020

About Marlena Fiol, PhDMarlena Fiol, PhD, is a globally recognized author, scholar and speaker. She is a spiritual seeker whose work explores the depths of who we are and what's possible in our lives. Her significant body of publications on the topic, coupled with her own raw identity-changing experiences, makes her uniquely qualified to write about personal transformational change. She is also a certified tai chi instructor and freelance writer whose most recent work has appeared in numerous literary magazines and newsletters.

You can find Marlena in the following places: https://marlenafiol.com Facebook Twitter: @marlenafiol

Becoming Who You Truly Are is a show that reveals the inspirational stories of people who have faced horrific adversities, and in the process, they have uncovered who they truly are and what's possible for them. We are committed to exploring the unvarnished truth about their remarkable journeys.