Bedtime Stories for My Kids about Nothing

The story of Ophelia’s birth. 

In this episode, Mom talks about:

• 😴 Calming down on purpose and reminding you this is not an exciting podcast
• 🧠 What Mom remembers (and doesn’t remember) from different ages of life

Grade 2 memories:

• 🏫 Being in a portable classroom with no bathroom
• 🧑‍🏫 A teacher named Miss Cooper (maybe)
• 🍯 A confusing parent presentation involving either hot dogs or caramel sauce
• 😖 A kid being too grossed out to taste delicious sundae sauce
• 🧠 Thoughts about visualization, sensory stuff, and why people react differently
• 🍽️ Uncle Craig being very stressed about food
• 🤢 A vivid memory of him dramatically taking “one bite” and spitting it out
• 🛝 Blacktop recess, falling on ice, and being deeply embarrassed about a scraped face
• 🎃 Dressing as the Hunchback of Notre Dame for Halloween (yes, really)

Grade 5 memories (a BIG year):

• 📦 Moving houses and switching schools
• 😬 Lying in bed the night before the first day, wondering who you’ll be
• 🏃‍♀️ Becoming “an athlete” (high jump, basketball, track dreams)
• 👕 Wearing a rainbow silk shirt because silk was VERY cool
• 😳 Learning about cliques, popularity, crushes, and Truth or Dare
• 💋 A very confusing first kiss that may not have been a kiss at all
• 👯 Meeting new friends, one who tumbles!
• 🏊 Pools, dives, gymnastics tricks, and “watch what I can do” energy
• 🎥 Making homemade music videos with a giant video camera
• 📺 Trying (and failing) to submit a fake video to America’s Funniest Home Videos

Grade 6 & 7 memories:

• 🏫 Switching schools again and feeder schools merging
• 🤝 Reuniting old friends with new friends
• 💞 Lifelong friendships forming
• 😮 Realizing scary changes can turn into really good ones
• 🧠 Comparing this to your brother’s school change — and how he thrived

Age 24 memories:

• 🎨 Working at a magazine and LOVING life
• ✍️ Being a designer who also loved writing
• 🤡 Extremely questionable workplace pranks (do not try this at home)
• 👑 Signing a coworker up for Miss Universe as a prank (she placed Top 17 in Canada 😳)
• 👢 Swapping new shoes for old ones as a prank
• 💨 Convincing a new boss Mom had a medical farting condition (using a fart app)
• 🖼️ Secretly planting a framed headshot in a coworker’s desk
• 😂 Laughing about it all years later at reunions

Life thoughts sprinkled throughout:

• 🧩 You don’t remember everything — just weird little moments
• 🌱 Change is scary but usually helps you grow
• 🧠 If you want to remember something forever, tell yourself that in the moment
• ❤️ You are loved for who you are, not what you do
• 😴 You are very allowed to fall asleep during this episode

Sleep safety rating: extremely safe
Important note: Mom hopes you’re already asleep

In this episode, Mom talks about:

• 🌳 A very good climbing tree (RIP tree)
• 🍉 A watermelon-looking bathing suit and photo memories
• 🏡 Moving from Pointe-Claire, Quebec to Burlington
• 🌿 Jumping hedges, high jump dreams, and worrying about Omi cutting herself with hedge clippers
• ⚾ Playing catch with Opa (and maybe getting hit in the face with a baseball)
• 🚗 A weird shared driveway with a tiny cliff you could fall off
• 💻 Growing up with so many computers and early “coding” before it was cool
• ⌨️ Being weirdly good at typing in school
• 🎮 Playing Mario and Donkey Kong at friends’ houses with short, uncomfortable cords
• 💿 Cassette tapes, CDs, six-disc changers, and watching technology change in real time
• 👄 Lip Smackers (especially the good flavours… and the weird Dr. Pepper one)
• 👯 Best friends, long visits, mono, and endless Super Mario sessions
• ☎️ The very first phone call with a friend while playing a computer game
• 💭 How certain objects, sounds, and games always remind you of specific people
• 😴 Reassurance that you don’t have to stay awake for any of this

Mood: calm, wandering, slightly sick Mom voice
Sleep level: very safe to fall asleep
Important reminder: You can listen again tomorrow