Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Collective for a week of stains, spirits and seriously questionable decisions

First up, a gem from the crypt: Soviet-era Ukraine, super-strength homemade vodka, and a flock of geese who get so hammered they’re mistaken for dead… until they reappear very much alive, very naked, and very honky.

Then Richard admits to provoking the Tokoloshi in 1970s South Africa. Mr P's confession involves 15 litres of carpet glue and one blamed child, and Mark & Elaine’s enjoy a drive‑thru… in an imaginary car.

Got a confession? [email protected]