Show Notes:
Thank you to Meredith for joining me today to talk about her experiences as a front line family member from multiple vantage points. Meredith was raised by two front line parents, her mom as a nurse and her dad as a paramedic. She became a nurse herself and has been working on the front lines for 13 years. She married a member of the Canadian Armed Forces and they are raising their three young kids and working to balance life on the front lines. I am so thankful for Meredith’s vulnerability and openness. Meredith shared her insight and wisdom – here are a few of my favourite quotes that came out of our conversation:
- “That’s kind of the approach that they’ve taught me to take in life. Is just like, where’s your next clue? Where’s your next clue? …That’s been helpful, you know, to deal with emergencies, and trauma, and life, and the hardships…” (5:45)
- “It’s very interesting to reflect back on what you remember in your childhood versus how you piece it together now in adulthood.” (10:38)
- “And like all great parents, you kind of shelter from the hard. And so, you want to protect and keep, you know, those barbed wires from the fence away from the little hearts that you’re entrusted with.” (11:40)
- “Again, like not perfect, at all…like throwing stones at a glass house, I get it! But that’s kind of where I’ve tried to focus and where I’ve found some relief and some coping strategies in the angst and the hardship of first responding and some of the things that you see and experience.” (15:50)
- “Trying to find those places to sink yourself into and feel whole are just transient and, you know, that 2020 lens is just such a big mirror of how strong and brave we all are in hard times but also exposes the cracks and shows, you know, where we all live just under the surface and how hard life is.” (16:30)
- “One of my favourite pieces about us and about the idea of us (and it could happen with any couple, it doesn’t just need to be first responder couples), but the grace that we offer each other in regards to the hard days and the stressful things that we experience. Everyone has a different way to communicate, which is no secret, and him and I utilise just a really simple traffic light emoji, and we kind of check in with each other daily to see where we’re at in the traffic light…and that just allows you without words to position yourself and be the least amount of vulnerable but still vulnerable to say ‘this is a hard day’ or ‘things are going great’ and not miss each other in the wind. Because there’s nothing worse than one person having the worst day as a first responder coming home to someone who’s had the best day, and you come in and just like vomit your whole life on them and they come in and are like so cheerful and not ready to receive that information.” (20:30)
- “I am totally vulnerable in the fact that if I’m a puddle on the floor my kids will see it, they will learn from that and know that you can be weak and brave all at the same time.” (31:00)
- “You know, it’s hard in relationships to speak words out loud and feel like you’re being very, very clear and very, very explicit and still not have the resolution of being heard. It’s just so defeating. And so, the 5 love languages, have been like a prescription and a necessity for us to be able to not miss each other in regards to our needs.” (35:30)
- “Some of the specific instances in our routine I’ve intentionally carved out to be the instigator, and I’ve intentionally carved out Matt to be the instigator. Because there are a lot of times where I am the bystander, just like hearing the mayhem but not necessarily involved. And that might actually be the bigger impact that, you know, my work and my life and how I interact with people is having on my kids is the fact that, you know, it’s hard to set boundaries when your work comes home with you.” (39:30)
- “And you don’t necessarily notice when it bleeds onto other people in your life. You kind of just selflessly feel that you can take this on and you have capacity, without acknowledging that maybe other peoples capacity is tied to yours, or tethered may be a better word, and how your decision making in regards to boundaries and interactions can affect kind of your safe space at home when it’s all blurred.” (40:30)
Resources Discussed In This Episode:
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (discussed in the episode, offers clear language and easily applicable tools to connect as a couple, also generalizable to other people you care for or interact with in your life).
The Five Love Languages For Children by Gary Chapman (this was not discussed in the show but is an awesome resource for parents to support connecting with their kids).
We discussed the concept of being a Bystander, Witness, Participant or Instigator in different moments in our lives with the people we care about. To help support connecting and finding protection in connection, I put together a Being "With" Cheat Sheet that includes prompts with ideas to kick-start some of these postures or ways of being with others. You can sign up to snag the infographic cheat sheet tool here.
Episode Challenge:
If you're looking to up the ante and challenge yourself to build your wellness, get intentional about catching yourself in bystander moments and notice when they happen and what's going on for you when these moments happen. What kind of day has it been? What are the pressures that have added up? What have you done/are you doing to actively manage and cope with those pressures? Then, try to engage more into witness, participant and instigator whenever you can. Get creative and have some fun. Say yes to things. It might feel uncomfortable, but keep trying it - it gets easier!! If you really want to push to the edges, post a picture of you conquering this challenge with your loved ones and tag me on Facebook or Instagram - I would love to see you joining our family's ninja-fight hilarity!!
Connect, Rate, Review, Subscribe & Share!
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram, or email me at [email protected]. I love hearing from you! Subscribe and share this podcast with those you know. I appreciate every like, rating and review – every single one helps this podcast to be seen by other First Responders & Front Line Workers out there. Help me on my mission to help others just like you to not only survive, but to thrive – both on the job and off.
